


Appearances

by McKinney_Wylis



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2017-12-30 00:46:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 68,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKinney_Wylis/pseuds/McKinney_Wylis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers find themselves staring at Comic-Con footage featuring Loki, who is supposedly locked up in Asgard. When weird goes weirder, the team takes a trip to Asgard in search of answers. What they find are more questions, and proof that things aren't always what they seem. Steve/Loki budding bromance with possibly more, shapeshifting, general kick-assery. Told exclusively from Tony Stark's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reappearance

“Sir, you requested I monitor all transmissions for any sign of the return of the terrorist, Loki.” JARVIS’ gentle tones intruded on Ozzy Osbourne’s wailing.

“Yeah?” Tony Stark set his welding torch aside. Some things—okay, most things—he ignored. The god of tossing-lovable-billionaire-playboys-out-of-windows wasn’t on that list of things. “What you got, J.?”

“I have intercepted a recording I estimate with 99.989% accuracy shows Loki of Asgard speaking before a large audience somewhere here on Earth.”

“Right. Okay.” The coffee in Tony’s stomach turned chilly and sour. “Wake up the others.” He stopped and blinked. “It is still night, right?” A quick affirmation from JARVIS that it was indeed just shy of 5 a.m. had Tony nodding. “Yeah, good. Get them up, order breakfast from somewhere decent. Lots of it. Thor’s in house. And coffee. Oh my God, coffee. If we’re dealing with the psycho little brother from hell, I need coffee. And good scotch.” He wrinkled his nose as JARVIS acknowledged his orders. Okay, a shower would be a good idea, too. He headed for his suite to get cleaned up while everyone else got moving.

Loki on Earth again. Yeah, it was going to be one of those days.

 

* * *

*

* * *

 

 

Tony sniffed his coffee. “So JARVIS told you what’s up? Because I don’t want to go through all that again. Good. And no, I haven’t see it either. I needed caffeine before I tackled Crazy Cats.” Not going to mention the triple before the coffee. He didn’t need Cap ragging on him this early. “All I know is J. says he can’t I.D. where the transmission comes from. It’s pre-recorded but seems pretty recent. Anything else we’ll have to don our deerstalkers and figure out.” Tony waved his cup in Steve’s direction. “Doyle died in the Twenties. I figure you might get that one, grandpa.”

“Yeah, I got it.” Spangles didn’t sound all that happy about it this time. _Musta caught him in the what—three, four hours sleep he thrives on?_ Blue eyes glowered at Thor. “I thought Loki was supposed to be on Asgard, under whatever conditions your dad set up. So what’s he doing back here?”

“My brother remained imprisoned when I left Asgard, serving his sentence. I know not how he might be free.” Point Break reached for a cronut knock-off. “My father’s magic is great and he holds Loki in close quarters. My brother’s magic is contained. Mayhap this is an imposter?” Thor made that seem something to feel hopeful about.

“If it’s somebody messing around, they’ve got one hell of a sick sense of humor.” Hawkeye Barton tossed half a bagel back onto his plate. “Then again, Manson’s still got groupies.”

Widow twitched one corner of her mouth, which might or might not mean anything. “We can speculate all morning long or we can watch the damned thing and try to figure it out.” Tony sort of wondered what was in her coffee. “If we don’t start, we’ll be here tonight still talking about nothing.”

Smart woman. “Play it, J.” Tony leaned back and waited for the shit to hit the fan. Though God knew, a new shot at Reindeer Games wouldn’t be unwelcome. Tony still owed him a couple missiles up his skinny ass.

Hawkeye snorted as the screen showed a dark room. The sounds of people proved the video played, but only an occasional red electronic indicator light showed. “Well, we won’t tell much if this is all we’ve got.”

 _“Humanity, look how far you’ve fallen.”_ Screams sounded from the darkness. Okay, so there was more.

“Fuck. Yeah. That’s him.” Barton’s face twitched. Sort of all over at random intervals. One shoulder did, too. “Bastard.”

 _“Lining up in the sweltering heat for hours.”_ The screaming increased in volume.

“God, they sound terrified.” Cap shook his head, righteous indignation on the part of Loki’s victims already gearing up. Whatever his shortcomings, you couldn’t fault the Icepop for caring about people.

 _“Huddling together in the dark...like beasts.”_ Loki, on the other hand...The voice gained more menace with every word, and the screams from the blackened hall reached nearly deafening proportions. Tony felt a twitch catch him behind the knees as well. _What the hell is the insane demi-god doing to them?_

Thunder rolled and a flash of lightning showed an interior space, something utilitarian, public, ugly. Not a house. It vanished before Tony had more than an impression of it, then a spotlight came up on a lean figure in black and green. The leather lacked part of the armor and he didn’t have the god-awful horned helmet, but there was no mistaking the guy.

“Loki.” And didn’t that just come out with way more dislike than he’d thought it would.

The crowd knew it, too, and went nuts. But not the way Tony expected. Camera flashes went off as the psycho held his arms out to the side, palms empty and open in a gesture of welcome.

 _“Loki, Loki, Loki, Loki, Loki, Loki…”_ The chant started immediately, swelling with each repeat of his name. A look of stunned pleasure settled over the Trickster’s face for the initial few seconds, then a smile blossomed. He raised a finger to his gently curved lips. “Shh.” The assembly immediately fell silent.

“JARVIS, freeze that.” Clint looked like he wanted to put arrows through whatever satellite had broadcast the original video. “What the actual fuck is that, huh? What?”

“They’re...cheering him.” Steve’s glower had morphed into shock. “They’re chanting his name like he’s Jack Dempsey or something. He’s got complete control over them.”

“I’ll bet. Fucking _mind control_.” Clint growled.

Widow frowned. “That wasn’t the way it worked before. He didn’t do the cheering crowds. The scepter allowed him to control worker bees. Emotion wasn’t part of the equation. This is new.” She studied the image of Loki, the finger pressed to his lip, the glitter in his eye. “He looks good. Really good. He’s gained weight. No injuries. He’s...happy.”

Tony didn’t even want to think about what it might take to make Loki happy. He took another drink of his laced coffee. “Roll it again, J.”

The figure on the screen spread his arms in a gesture of welcome and spoke again, his gaze intent on his audience. _“I am Loki...”_ He stopped as a new cheers erupted. _“...of Asgard...”_ The noise level grew and a bright smile flashed across Loki’s face. _“And I am burdened with glorious purpose.”_ The cheer turned to a roar. _“Stand back, you mewling quim.”_ Laughter mixed with the roar as a human scuttled off the stage in mock fear, Loki joining in the laughter.

“Okay, that’s wrong. That is so wrong. He’s...playful.” Tony shivered.

 _“The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life’s joy in a mad scramble for a place in this chamber.”_ Pale eyes surveyed the dark space where the crowd sat, or maybe stood. Tony couldn’t tell for sure. But Loki seemed to find it lacking. _“In this meager palace of Midgard, the arena they call Hall H.”_

The roar didn’t dim. It got louder.

“What’s Hall H?” Bruce Banner had been silent to this point. “It doesn’t sound like any place I’ve ever heard of.”

“Pause the video.” Tony thought for a second. “Well, that’s one clue then. We’re looking for a really large building that has part of it called Hall H. That makes me think there are likely Halls A, B, C, D, E, F, and G at least, too. A big stage, a long table arrangement set up with microphones, a podium. I’ve seen that enough times. It’s outfitted for some sort of panel discussion. So, a convention center or a really big hotel, maybe? Something civic? J. when the camera pans, scan and count to see if you can get some idea of the size of that place and how many people are in the room. Anything that will tell us where this place could be. Resume play.”

Wherever he was, Loki loved the attention. He stopped rubbing his thumb against his finger and opened his arms again as he smiled out at the multitude, body language relaxed. _“You should have let me rule you when you had the chance.”_ Just a soft, calm, little regret. And a fucking smile.

The audience went absolutely ape-shit.

“You gotta be kidding me. They _want_ him to rule?” Cap shook his head, baffled and bewildered at the outpouring of adulation for the destroyer of his beloved New York.

Bruce spread his hands in a _who knows_ gesture. “Sounds like it.”

 _“Yet here you are.”_ Loki continued, a little more flair to his words now. He raised an arm, pointing out into the mass of people and Tony cringed, expecting fire to leap from those pale fingers and sear some poor schmuck. Instead, Loki pulled his hand back to his lips. _“Shh!”_ Okay, not what Tony’d ever expected. Shushed by the god of destruction and chaos. What the hell? The playful glint danced in Loki’s eyes again. _“Kneel!”_

Now that was the asshole they all...wait...what? “They’re laughing. Why are they laughing? They’re cheering and laughing and fucking _kneeling_ , and he’s not even looking! This is crazy.” Tony stared at the screen in amazement.

 _“Your ears yearn for untold stories. Your eyes crave for unseen sights. Your imaginations ache and hunger.”_ Loki played his audience now, his voice softer and his hand in a loose fist at his waist. A quick turn and once again the God of Chaos faced the crowd. His voice dropped lower and softer. _“Where are your Avengers now?”_

Damn, that was...seductive.

The roar nearly overwhelmed the speakers. Tony could hear individual shouts of agreement, calls of _“Yeah, man”_ and _“That’s right”_ amid the general wordless screaming. There were also cries of the god’s name and of _“Chaos."_ Then the sheer mass of approval greeting a stronger voice shouting out _“There’s nothing they can do. X-MEN either!”_ left Tony breathless.

“J., pause it. I—just pause it.” He sat for a moment, staring at Loki’s benignly smiling face, and felt ill. “Are you all hearing what I’m hearing?”

“I think ‘still working on believing’ applies here real well.” Cap rubbed a hand over his smooth chin, suddenly looking a little closer to that ninety-years-old bit. He glanced at Thor. “What do you say about all this?”

The big guy’s eyes were suspiciously bright as he stared at the smiling image of his brother. “I say that had my brother come to Midgard in this fashion to begin with, you would all be calling him king.” Those bright eyes closed and he sighed. “Ever was Loki charming and eloquent. He earned the name Silvertongue. It was not given him in jest. This is more the manner of conquest I would expect from him, the sort of plot and plan at which he excels. The Chitauri attack...it never seemed in his style. It lacked his elegance.” He waved a massive hand at the image. “This is my brother, in truth. Yet, he does nothing wrong. If people wish to worship him, it is his right as a god. We can do nothing.”

Tony shuddered. Yeah, what could you do when people willingly surrendered to evil?

“Do you wish to continue, sir?” JARVIS sounded like he really didn’t want to.

“Yeah. It can’t get much worse.” Tony caught Cap’s eye. “Right? I mean, they love him; they hate us. What could be worse?”

 _“Claim loyalty to me...”_ Loki folded his wide-spread hands over his lean stomach in a beguiling gesture, sending the crowd into a frenzy. _“And I will give you what you need.”_ He grinned broadly, openly, face lit with joy, returning the energy he was being fed. Thor nailed it; Loki was a showman. The velvet voice, the graceful gestures, the sweep and drama. Yeah, the dude knew how to play a room as well as Tony himself. _Crap_.

And he wasn’t even trying to hide it! The fucker was all P. T. Barnum and the crowd loved him all the more. Right there, the tilt of his head said _I’m feeding you a line_. It also said, _don’t you love me for it?_ even as he waited patiently for the frenzy to die down, eventually calming it with a finger to his lips.

_“Say my name.”_

Oh God, no.

 _“Loki!”_ Almost as one voice, the hall erupted. Loki waggled his fingers in a come-on gesture as he paced the stage.

 _“Say my name.”_ A little more insistent, teasing...seductive.

The crowd obliged, louder and even more synchronized. _“Loki!!”_

 _“Say my name!”_ Somewhere between an order and a plea, a call as he spun, truly a leader now.

 _“Loki!”_ Ever louder, Tony could imagine the stage vibrating from the sound of it.

 _“Say! My! Name!”_ Arms outstretched, head thrown back, body arched and lit by the constant camera flashes, a modern idol, a 21st Century god.

 _“LOKI!”_ One voice. Perfect and strong. Committed to one being, filled with love and adoration. From off to the side a male voice called out that his wife loved Loki. Just out there, plain as day, as if it were a source of pride for the guy.

The sick feeling churned up in Tony’s gut again. “Pause it, J.”

Cap arched a brow. “It got worse.” He drew a long breath. “Back in the day—”

Clint groaned and Bruce kicked the archer in the ankle.

Cap just gave the spy a hard look. “Back. In. The. Day. Hitler used to have rallies. He could talk up a storm. His people loved to hear him yack. He took over half of Europe just by talking.” Spangles pointed at the frozen, exultant face of the Trickster. “Hitler had _nothing_ on Loki. Not even by half.”

“So why haven’t we gotten a call from Fury?” Natasha had been quiet for the whole performance, Miss Spy Eyes just taking it all in. “SHIELD monitors everything on the planet. Something like this, Fury should have us on full alert and storming the battlements. So why hasn’t he?”

“Loki kept this rave super-secret? Hell, I don’t know. It’s scary as all fuck. If they weren’t speaking English, I’d think it was in a hostile country, but they aren’t big on the speaking English deal in places that hate us.” Tony sighed, too confused to think about it yet. “Let’s finish it up. Roll tape, J.”

Damn, Loki looked too freaking happy. He lowered his arms. _“It seems I have an army.”_ Tony wasn’t sure the sound system would survive the sheer decibel level. The screams and cheering soared to their greatest, nearly deafening. Yet Loki calmed them with one lifted finger. _“Feast your eyes!”_ With that order, he whirled away, striding off the stage as the video cut out and ended.

“J, tell me you’ve found something on Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, Instagram, YouTube, NASA, _anything_. There’s gotta be something.” Tony really wasn’t ready to accept, or let any of the rest of them fall into acceptance, that the guy they’d risked their lives to boot off planet Earth was now its newest rock star and had the planet _willingly_ kneeling at his feet.

“No, sir. Only this so far. However, in regard to your other request, I would roughly estimate the assembly to be between five and seven thousand. It also appears he was at Comic Con. Or so the logos on the tables and behind him say.”

“No! No. He cannot have been at Comic Con. That is not allowed. That would be like...sacrilege.” Tony shook his head. “Not to mention, converting the nerds of the world is very bad.”

“Comic Con? Isn’t that that big annual to-do in San Diego you told me about? The science fiction and fantasy stuff?” Cap glanced back at the screen as if expecting a replay. “What would he gain by being there? It’s a bunch of teenagers who’ve got nothing better to do than fixate on a bigger bunch of fictional characters.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Not teenagers, old guy. Teenagers can’t afford the sort of money it costs to go to Comic Con. Tickets alone, if you can manage to get them, are like two hundred dollars. _If_ you can get them. Then there’s the hotel, airfare, meals. And _stuff_. Oh my God, you can’t go to Comic Con without hitting the Dealers Room.” Damn, that had been fun. “You need a few thousand just to moderately enjoy it.” Yeah, stunned looked good on Spangles. “So your average attendee is going to be moderate to decently affluent, educated, net-savvy, and probably just the kind of person you want in your corner if you want to try and take over the U.S. Crap.”

“Yeah.” Clint snorted. “Only time all year the eggheads climb out of their cubicles.”

“Some of those eggheads happen to be military special forces, derp. Have you looked at the cosplayers? Those muscles aren’t all foam rubber.” Tony sighed. “As for the cubicle nerds. Yeah, they come out in droves. And that’s the point. Loki owns them. They run computers. And computers run the world. Including all the world’s weapons. You getting the idea?”

The single expletive off Cap’s lips was still tame by today’s standards, but for the Boy Scout it was plenty enough.

“Half of SHIELD takes vacation time for it.” Widow leaned back, arms crossed over her chest. “We’re pretty much screwed.”

“How is this not all over the news, though? Comic Con is huge. It’s all over the media. Loki showing up would be somewhere. JARVIS, do some more checking. There has to be more. Photos, gifs, something.” Tony dropped his forehead to the table, bouncing it a couple of times, because it had to feel better than this. “Bruce, tell me I’m wrong. Please. Tell me that for the first time, I’m sooooo wrong.”

The physicist tapped his glasses on the table. “I sorta hope so, because with a think-tank like that at his command, we might not only be outgunned, but they could probably figure out between them how to reduce every one of us to dust.” An uncomfortable glance swept to Cap. “No matter what’s been done to our genetic makeup, good or haywire.”

“Fuck.” That level of paleness didn’t become Clint.

Thor slumped a little lower in his seat. “This is why my brother is considered one of the greatest strategists in the Nine. The more I think on it, the greater I marvel at our victory over him. What sort of doppelganger has he left in his cell, I wonder? Or is he there and this we see a duplicate? In either case, he has made great magic.”

“Sir.” JARVIS poked back into the conversation. “I have found other...perhaps ‘disturbing’ is the best adjective at the moment...information along the lines you just saw. Would you like it up on the monitor now, or would you care to finish your conversation first?”

“No.” Bruce got up and poured fresh tea into his mug. “If there’s more, we need to see it, disturbing or not.”

Spangles nodded. “People willingly kneeling, cheering and holding a...a pep rally for him is pretty bad.” He sighed. “Show us what you’ve found, JARVIS.”

“As you wish, Captain Rogers. I’ve discovered a set of photographs and a very brief animated gif.” The AI didn’t sound pleased. “I’m putting them on the screen now.”

“Oh. My. God.” Tony honestly couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Barton was a little more eloquent. “You fucking traitor!” He reached for the bow and arrow that—luckily for Cap—weren’t there.

“Oh. My. _God!_ ” Scotch. There needed to be more scotch. Or maybe there’d already been too much...

“That’s not me!” Cap’s big blue eyes got about half again bigger, expression pure shock, mouth working over those same three words but without sound for a good couple seconds. When he found his voice again it cracked like a tween’s. “Th-that’s impossible! Guys, I swear it!”

“I’m sorry, Captain, but a comparison of you and these images, some of which are rather high resolution, reveal a greater than 98% correlation. All features, scars, and an overwhelming majority of freckles match.” A certain pride entered JARVIS’s tones. “A cross-match with past images increases the freckle match to 100%.”

“I am _not_ buddies with Loki. I’m not. I never have been. I don’t care what the pictures say. JARVIS, run your blasted scans on me right now. I’m _not_ lying.” Cap stood and pointed up at the animated GIF image the AI had just singled out. “I don’t know who that is in those pictures, but that’s...God, what is he _doing_ to Loki? What the hell is...” The rich color which had painted Cap’s temper on his face drained out. “Oh, my God.”

Tony stared at the images, not sure even his genius brain could comprehend them. Cap—or a guy who sure as Hell appeared to be Cap—laughing his ass off with Loki, hanging out, the best of BFFs, or something. He looked as the image of Cap reached out and grabbed a handful of Loki man-boob and gave it a good grope. Yeah. He had no idea what that actually was either. “I think that’s illegal in Georgia.”

He considered the glee on the film-Cap’s face. “And Texas. Yeah, definitely illegal in Texas.”

“Steve, just...maybe you better sit back down for a minute. You don’t look so good.”

Bruce’s voice brought Tony’s attention back around. Yeah, Spangles looked like he was about to hurl, or maybe faint. If nothing else, his lungs were about to do a real good imitation of the asthma attacks listed in his pre-serum medical history.

“Yeah, park it, grandpa. Passing out doesn’t help anything.” Tony looked from the laughing images to the ghost-pale First Avenger. “That’s not you. First of all, you’d never grope another guy in public. Or private. Do you even know _how_ to grope someone?” Bright red streaks appeared in the paleness. “I’m thinking no. Secondly, whoever he is, he's way more fun than you are.”

“Tony.” Bruce gave him a look that held a touch of green at the corners of the big guy’s temples. “Not helping.” Jolly Green got up and filled a highball glass with Smirnoff, then brought it back and set it in front of Steve. “Down the hatch, kid. One swallow. With your metabolism the buzz’ll only last about five minutes, so breathe while it buzzes.”

“So, Loki what? Made a duplicate of Cap? And doesn’t that just fuck us sideways.” Clint headed for the bar himself. “Next move is replacing Cap with the fake. Christ. Luckily we’re on to the plan. We can, I don’t know, put a chip or something in Cap so we know it’s him.”

“The Captain is not the only resident of the tower pictured with Loki.” JARVIS cut in. “I have located these images as well.”

“Holy fuck.” Tony stared because...well...that was disturbing. On so very many levels. _Wait._ Were Natasha’s cheeks a little pink? No. No, because the Black Widow did not blush. Ever. The sun didn’t come up in the west and Romanov didn’t blush because there were pictures of her kissing Loki. Right? He looked to Bruce, hoping for solace.

“That looks...cozy.”

“And you gave _me_ grief about not helping?” He glanced at the pictures again, trying to get his brain on something besides the disturbingness of the kiss and the really a whole lot less disturbingness of the butt-shot of the tight jeans Widow sported. Fortunately in focusing on where _not_ to look, he noticed something else. “What’s that in the background? Looks like some guy holding a boom mic. Or a really big feather duster.”

“Analysis indicates it is a boom mic, sir.” JARVIS supplied, being the ever-helpful little AI Tony created him to be. “I gather this gives you an idea?”

“What else you got?” Tony waved a hand over the group. “Never mind who of us is in them, if it’s more than just Cap and Widow, just put ‘em up. We can take it.”

“I’m still locating material. Here is what I’ve found so far.” JARVIS sent pictures to the screens. Loki alone but sometimes with one of the others. Mostly with Steve. Sometimes with Tony. A few times with Natasha. With Clint. Oh, that went over big. Loki with short curls and a beard with his arm slung around Clint’s shoulders in the most affectionate way. Clint strolling beside Loki, Widow on his other side, while Thor flanked Loki.

Thor. _Jesus_. Those pictures needed their own album. Dozens of them. Thor and Loki laughing together. In their familiar armor and in regular Earth clothes. One stood out though, and not just because it made Thor send Mjölnir through a wall. The brothers in full armor, bodies touching from head to toe, foreheads together, rubbing noses, Thor’s fingers curved to barely touch Loki’s hand as he gazed straight into Loki’s eyes with the tenderest expression. And Loki grinned as if he were the happiest man on the planet.

Tony wanted to weep for Thor’s sake. Every time one came up where Loki and the fake Thor were hugging, were laughing, were looking at each other like they might just break into song any second, he wanted to just break down and cry for the big guy.

Eventually, Thor stood and swept a hand at the screens. “And you have always asked why I wished to redeem my brother. Behold.” Silent tears flowed and he sank back into his chair. “Behold.”

Awkward silence settled over the Avengers. Thor gathered himself up, squaring his shoulders. “Regardless, I cannot allow this realm to fall. There are no answers here. I would speak with Heimdall and assure my brother remains within Asgard’s prison.” He left with carefully measured steps, as if each one pained him.

Clint stared at the collection of screens for a few more seconds. “I need a drink. About the size of the one Steve had.” He pushed his uneaten food around. “You know the really crappy thing about all this? I can see him pulling this off.” Tony knew the “him” in question wasn’t Cap. “When, ah, when I worked—when I was forced to work for him, he wasn’t the way you’d think. I mean, how do you imagine Loki would be as a leader?” He looked around the table, waiting for answers. So, not a rhetorical question.

“He’s smart, that’s for sure. Bag full of cats and all. Crazy can be smart.” Bruce toyed with his glasses some more. “But dealing with the migraines of ruling a planet? He’d probably start chopping heads within a day. An hour.”

Clint shook his head. “No. Not at all. That’s for outsiders, for people who weren’t _his_. He has—had no patience for them. Once you belong to him, it’s a totally different story.” His face and shoulder did that twitching thing again. “He...he takes care of his possessions.”

“Possessions?” Steve had managed to regain his equilibrium at least. Jolly Green was right; you’d never know the kid had just knocked back enough eighty-proof to have Clint unconscious on the floor. “You mean he owns them. Slaves.”

“Not the way you mean.” Clint sighed. “You ever read up on kings in history? The old stuff. Before the Magna Carta. The Dark Ages, the Middle Ages, all that? It worked really weird. The king owned everything and everyone. Even if you were free, even if you were a nobleman or a member of the royal family, you belonged to the king. But if you were really the king and not a tyrant, you were owned by the people in turn. You had certain responsibilities and duties to them. Loki believes in that.”

Tony scrunched up his face. “What? _Noblesse oblige_ and all that crap? You’ve got to be shitting me. Rock of Ages thought he was lord of the manor and should treat you all like his knights?” The urge to laugh nearly sent him tumbling from his chair.

“I’m just saying it could have been a lot worse. He made sure we were all fed, had so many hours of rest each day—that kind of thing. It wasn’t a chain gang.” Barton glowered. “I still want to put an arrow in his brain, but I can’t say he abused us. So yeah, this whole _be my devoted followers and I will give you all you need_ thing makes sense. It’s totally him. That’s all I’m saying.”

Silence fell over the room for a few minutes, each of the others engrossed in whatever private little thoughts they had about _that_. Tony still wanted to laugh, but he had to admit, it was a hell of a tactic to use on modern America. Things were monumentally screwed up, economically, politically...socially was doing pretty decent, at least as far as Middle America finally realizing they had a collective voice that could topple policy. Hand them everything they need to straighten out their lives—hell, they’d elect him to office. He wouldn’t have to conquer anything.

A small explosion rattled the windows on this side of the helipad, and Tony watched Thor walk out of the aurora borealis storm. _Gotta say, Goldilocks does know how to make an entrance_.

The frown on the usually sunny face certainly went with his title. The big guy looked a bit...stormy. “My friends. I bring news.”

_Duh._

“My brother is indeed still in the dungeons of Asgard, so I know not how it this other Loki so entrances the masses. Nor does my father. It is a great concern to him. He would see this for himself and perhaps discover how it is that duplicates of us can be found, yet are not found. It is most confusing.” Thor gestured, swinging that honking huge hammer back toward the balcony. “He would have you all come to Asgard that we may seek our answers together. Tony Stark, surely you can bring the video and photos?” He pronounced the words very carefully.

Tony arched a brow, and his mouth kicked in before it probably should have. “What, Daddy can’t condescend to set foot on Midgard? We’re all just tiny and petty after all, huh?” Okay, so the bit of unvarnished truth under the sceptre’s spell still held a few open wounds.

“My father rules the Realm Eternal. It is difficult for him to leave.” _Yeah. Says the crown prince who can’t meet my eyes._ Thor couldn’t lie for shit.

“Fury’ll have a cow when he finds out we’ve all taken a holiday off-planet.” Bruce considered his glasses, the corner of his mouth quirking. “Then again, he can let someone else worry about his threat-watch list for a change.”

“That alone might make it worth it.” Tony stood, already aware of just how he could handle what Thor requested. “JARVIS, download everything you’ve found to the emergency mobile server. You’re going off-world.”

“Oh goody.” Sarcasm dripped from his AI. _Like father like son_.

“Hey, think of it as an adventure.” Tony headed for the lab. “I’ll need the portable solar generator and the extra arc reactor, too.”

Not surprisingly, Cap followed him. “Are you sure this is a good idea? We have no idea what we’re walking into. I mean, we’re talking _another planet_ , and there’s only one way back, and that’s...magic.”

Tony sighed. “Since we haven’t invented our own yet, yeah. I haven’t had a chance. I mean, been sort of busy. So I left it to Thor’s girlfriend. I guess she’s not as fast as I am.”

“I wasn’t faulting you, Tony. I just don’t know as I like the idea of not controlling the escape hatch, you know?” Broad shoulders lifted. “So how big’s this solar generator? You need a hand?”

Tony considered for a moment. Solar generator, mobile server, extra suit... “Yeah. It’s about the size of an attache case. So’s the mobile server. And I want to take—” He suddenly remembered Thor might be able to hear him and waited for the elevator doors to close. “I want to take my anti-Asgardian armor. Just, you know, in case. It’s another suitcase’s worth.”

“ _Anti_ -Asgardian?” Cap’s brows popped up. “How did you even know what to design? It’s not like we’ve ever met any of them except Thor and Loki.”

“Supposedly their greatest warrior and their most powerful mage. There was also an incident in New Mexico with a machine thing. SHIELD had information and blueprints. What SHIELD has, I can find.” Tony stepped off onto his personal R&D floor. “It took out a town. And Thor. I have something that can take it out. I have something that can take out several of whatever it was.”

Cap grinned, shaking his head. “I don’t know as you’re going to like to hear this, but you’re as bad as your dad. I come looking for a replacement for my shield, since the USO one got demolished, and he’s talking electrical relays. You should have seen some of the demos he had lined up. All I wanted was a shield, and he’s trying to sell me a computer.”

“A perfectly reasonable response.” Tony grinned at the deceptively plain silver cases JARVIS had waiting for them. “Thanks, J. All ready to go?”

“Giddy with anticipation, sir.”

JARVIS’ dry tone left Cap chuckling. “Did you design him that way, or did he pick it up on his own?”

“Little bit of both.” Tony stepped onto the platform and willed the XLVII onto his body. This close, there wasn’t a lot of danger, though a shin guard did clip Steve in passing. Suited up in everything but his helmet and faceplate, and with those tucked under his arm, Tony reached for the server. “He’s just testy because he gets car-sick.”

Steve rubbed his shoulder before he hefted two of the cases, one tucked under his arm and the other in the same hand. Damn. Nano-tech was great, but those particular suckers still weighed about a hundred pounds each. “You’re lucky I don’t bleed for long. Let’s get going.”


	2. The Emerald City

Okay, there was such a thing as too much gold. Asgard had managed it. In spades. Vegas could learn about ostentatious from this place. Jeez! Tony took one look at the three-story-tall door to the throne room and rolled his eyes. Again. “Really? Who do you guys have over for tea? Paul Bunyan? My God.” He shook his head and followed Thor past guards who made the fur-hat wearing dudes at Buckingham Palace look friendly and outgoing.

“It is the way of Asgard. The Realm Eternal.” Thor barely glanced up at the towering architecture. “Do you not yourself build monuments to the height of your achievements, Tony Stark?”

“Busted.” Clint smirked and adjusted his shades. “Stark Tower. A monument to Tony’s personal achievements. Don’t sweat it, Thor. Tony just doesn’t like buildings that are bigger than his.” The smirk grew. “Some would call it over-compensation.”

 _Smartass._ Tony implemented the Standard Backup Plan before Clint could get his hand into position for the inevitable visual aid. “Hey. None of that in front of the Super Soldier. Widow can handle it, but we don’t need him blushing for the next week.”

Cap muttered a distracted “Huh?” and continued to stare at their surroundings. So much for backup.

Natasha’s grin had more fangs than Dracula’s. “You’re right, I can handle it. Barely. Clint doesn’t need to compensate for anything. I speak from knowledgeable experience.”

 _Mayday! Mayday! Massive TMI! Oh, God...no._ So not where his brain needed to go right now. Or ever. _No. Just no. Anything, think of anything else. Kittens. Dancing kittens. Wait, kittens don’t dance, what’s that stupid YouTube video with the bird...Arrgh!_ Seriously needed to develop a brain-scrubber when he got back to his lab.

Bruce’s laughter followed him into the football stadium arena Thor called a throne room.

Okay. What was it with guys and eye-patches? What was this, the white Viking version of Fury? Tony trusted him just about as far. And the whole kneeling before the king, yeah, not going to happen. That whole 1776 thing took care of that.

At least until a rock-solid force of human nature nearly sent Tony onto his knees. Only Cap’s reflexes kept Tony from ending up an ungraceful heap on the floor. “Sorry.” Wide blue eyes took in the space, the full Medieval armored guards flanking the whole processional, Thor paying homage to his dad with bent knee and everything. One blond brow rose, and Tony could almost hear a similar sentiment bouncing around Cap’s brain. Nope, not kneeling to the God of Mischief, sure as hell not kneeling to this guy with the down-the-nose gaze mastered. Hell, Loki had been a liberal compared to Daddy Odin.

Tony paid partial attention to Thor presenting the Avengers to his old man. Spangles handled the responses well enough. Greetings from Earth. Blah, blah, blah. Happy to help with this situation. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Tony managed a decent incline from the waist. Not as much as he gave Elizabeth II, but she was a cool old lady. Tony liked her. He wasn’t sure about the Pirate King.

“Thor tells me you have disturbing news regarding my younger son.” Oh yeah, even the voice was down-the-nose. Probably insulted the puny mortals didn’t kneel in awe. “I would know of this, since my own power guards the prison and Loki is still there. You will provide me with the material you have found.”

 _Way to win friends and influence people, there, Cyclops._ Tony raised a brow, letting Odin know in one look just how unimpressed with the whole overlord, allfather, god thing this lowly mortal happened to be. “Steve, if you’d be so kind as to put the case you’ve schlepped halfway across the known universe over here, I’d appreciate it.” _See? This is how you ask nicely_.

“Sure, Tony.” Cap wasn’t doing a half-bad rendition of not-impressed, himself. And Tony noticed the shield settled right between himself and Odin, totally at the ready, after Cap set the case down.

Tony hid a smirk. _Aww. Didn’t know you cared, Capsicle. Kinda thinking I’m glad you do, though, from the glare on One-Eye’s face._

Tony slid a panel open on the side of the server—which, really, was more of a portable JARVIS unit with all that entailed—before hooking it up to the ambient light generator and—because it was fun and would annoy Odin—gave the the generator a slightly dramatic shove, which sent it sliding out into the middle of the overly big audience hall. Okay, so maybe the shove was a little more than slightly dramatic, what with the unit starting to hum and unfold solar panels and doing all the cool robotics setups and shit. But the looks of fear and trepidation on the Asgardian faces around them, those steps back from the ‘magic’ Midgardian machine—Yeah, totally worth it.

Tony flipped up the interface panel on top of the server suitcase. “Yo, J., babe! You with us?”

“I am indeed, sir. I have been monitoring our travels. Most interesting.” The AI sounded out loud and clear. Screens showing how nicely JARVIS felt appeared. Pretty statuses on all sorts of things Odin would hate Tony knowing if Old White Beard—hey, he had an eye patch, it would completely be his pirate name—could understand even a tenth of this began popping up, floating around Tony and fitting in between the others when necessary.

“That’s my boy.” Tony grinned at Cap. “We are up and running, Spangles.”

“Good. Let’s get this done, then.” Red, White and Blue still seemed a bit...spooked. Like weirded out in a way Tony couldn’t settle his finger on. Didn’t look like a convo he wanted to have right here in front of everybody, though. Tony back-burnered the concern; he’d corner Cap later.

“Okay. J., show the king the Comic Con video on my mark. So, this is the first thing we found and to be honest, it’s still the most disturbing. It looks, sounds, and seems to be Loki. Except you tell us Loki is locked up.” Tony made a _what can you say about that_ face. “I ask that you hold your questions till you’ve seen the whole thing. JARVIS, let her rip.”

As before, the scene played out: the hall falling dark, the screams of the crowd. Tony watched a couple of faces there in the throne room tighten, along with fingers around the hilts of swords. Seemed the very sound of Loki’s voice incited bloody revenge in some of these folks. _Definitely not in Kansas anymore, Toto_. When the screams became clearly mad rock-star fandom rather than terror, the faces and fingers went even tighter. As it moved toward its conclusion on that rather concerning bit of pure adulation and the smug assertion Loki had an army, tight turned to murderous.

Okay then. So the poster boy for mad dictators was liked even less here than on Earth. Who'da thunk?

“And there you have it, folks. Loki, but maybe not.” And Tony really didn’t want to show this crowd photos of the Avengers being chummy with someone so obviously not on their play list. “So, thoughts?”

“An impostor.” So Whitebeard didn’t have the corner market on high-and-mighty. A black-haired chick dressed like Legolas’ sister, only with more metal and a lot more leg, sneered at the video. “The Allfather’s power is more than enough to contain the Betrayer in the dungeon. This is no more than a trick.” Her eyes were as clear blue as Cap’s, but cold enough to freeze Human Torch solid.

“An imposter with the same scars my younger son displays upon his face.” For once Patch-Eye didn’t sound so booming. He waved Xena down before she could swing into her next verse. “I agree it must be an imposter. But the level of power and knowledge needed to duplicate Loki at such a level is of the greatest concern.” Odin drew himself up straighter. “Yes, it is very good that you have brought this to my attention. I believe we do face something dangerous.”

 _Well, yeah, duh_. Asgard seemed to be the capital of State-the-Obvious. Explained where Thor got it at least. Tony exchanged a glance with the rest of the team, seeing the same question sitting on all their faces. He nodded at Bruce. _Go for it, big guy_.

“Uh, just for the sake of being on the same page, you don’t mind if we get a look at Loki, wherever you have him stashed?” Real polite, but then Banner could be both polite and ready to Hulk at any wrong twitch. Were Tony so inclined, he’d find that really hot. But it was good team-karma, too.

“Just for fun.” _Whoa!_ Who knew _Barton_ had fangs that long and that sharp? “You know, to ease our minds and all that.” Okay, so Bruce had been sharing the gamma radiation and not telling anybody. Lovely. Of course, Thor looked sort of cute when his eyes got that big and he looked like he wanted to search for exploding arrows, but hey.

“Maybe Loki would say something. You know, give us a clue as to what’s going on.” Aw, Cap being all peacemaker and diplomatic was cute, too.

Xena tipped her nose up at Spangles, a less-than-delicate snort combined with a _mortal-dirt_ expression on her face. “The Betrayer speaks nothing but lies. It has always been so. You are less than insects to him. Why would he deign to speak to you?”

Steve gave her the look that made Nazis wish they were on the Russian front where it was warmer. “Ahm, gee. Because we pounded him into the ground. And if nothing else, _he_ , at least, respects that. Yeah, maybe we’re insects, but we proved we bite. He respects that, too. Because Loki may be a lot of things, but he’s not stupid.”

“Indeed, he is not.” Thor’s look at her didn’t bode real well, either, though his was a lot more _what-the-fuck?_ than _get-your-head-out-of-your-ass_. “I think it a wise gesture to reassure our allies my brother remains secure in his cell.” That blond mane swung back to Odin. “Father, with your permission.”

Odin inclined his head. “I also see the wisdom in observing your brother’s reaction to this unusual spectacle. I should like to see it for myself. I will join you.” He clanged the honking big staff in his hands against the floor, signalling something everyone but poor, ignorant Earthlings understood because people started leaving. “Anthony Stark? Will your electronic servant work elsewhere? Can he function in our dungeons?”

“No problem.” With the extra arc reactor, way no problem. Not only would JARVIS work, he’d have the whole layout of the place in about twenty seconds. But Odin didn’t have a need-to-know on that.

In fact, J. was already collapsing screens and disconnecting himself from the generator. _Smart boy._ Tony grinned at the case and reached for the handle.

“Very well, then. We will visit Loki’s prison and see if we may glean any knowledge from showing him this imposter.” Odin paused at the foot of his dias. “Frigga, do you come?”

An older lady Tony hadn’t noticed before stepped to Odin’s side. Pretty, though not standout, with a wealth of reddish gold hair wound up in an intricate do. Her eyes spoke of a lot of heartache and a hell of a lot more strength. “Of course. I always welcome an opportunity to visit my son.”

Holy crap. That was the mom? Well. Alrighty then. A, she looked nothing like Thor or Loki. And B, old Patch Eye did pretty well for himself.

Tony shook his head and fell in step with Spangles as the Avengers followed the space Vikings from the room. Tony made a point to lean in close to Cap and tilt his chin toward the queen’s still really decent backside. “Pays to be king.”


	3. We're Off to See the Wizard...

Tony hoped JARVIS was getting clear readings on everything. Thor and Odin’s explanation, that the dungeons of Asgard could contain magic as well as other forms of energy, had all sorts of ideas whirling in the back of Tony’s mind. The front of it, though, was pretty consumed with the sight of Loki, behind glass, in a pure white room, looking, well, like Loki. The whole thing was sort of surreal. More surreal than being on an alien planet that used to be a mystical version of heaven for some people. So, pretty surreal. Asgard up above was mostly uber-fairy tale. All Tolkien on steroids meets L. Frank Baum. But this! This was _Star Wars_ meets _Throne of Swords_. Upstairs was boring. This was bitching!

Oddly enough, stark white became Crazy Cats. So did utter shock, disbelief, and a touch of fear.

“Heya, kiddo. What’s up? Sorry about not writing, but you know snail mail just never works for me and you guys don’t have decent internet.” Tony set JARVIS’ case on a stone table outside the cell and the much smaller arc reactor case beside it. “Anyway, we finally got around to visiting.” He turned back to the Trickster as JARVIS set about deploying. “So seriously, what’s up with you?”

You had to hand it to Loki, he recovered quickly. Smooth mask back in place, a faint smile curved his thin lips. “Iron Man. I would offer you a drink, but...” He gestured from the ornate bottle of something probably alcoholic on the jewel-encrusted, equally ornate table behind him to the glass-force field-whatever between them. “I fear it’s a bit difficult at the moment.” The gesture turned into _what can you do?_ Loki grinned.

Tony returned the grin. “Maybe later. Pepper tells me I shouldn’t drink this early in the day, anyway.”

The twinkle really shouldn’t belong to a bat-shit crazy villain. “Later, then.” The twinkle chilled as the demigod looked at the others in the party. “As for the rest of you, visiting hours at the zoo are closed.”

Oh, that was good! Tony snorted out loud. _That was nearly worthy of me._ Odin looked like he’d just gotten a taste of rotten lemons.

Damn but Loki was fun. And had better manners than his old man. “You know, you may be a lethal, schizophrenic little shit with delusions of grandeur who tossed me out of my own building, but I _like_ you.”

Loki bowed, arms outstretched. _Diva_. “My charm is renowned throughout the realms.”

“Yeah, I definitely like you.” Odin opened his mouth, but Tony forged on before His Royal Rudeness could speak. “So, look, Lokes. I realize you have it pretty good here in Club Asgard. Fine wine, decent mattress, good books. View kind of sucks. But hey, prison. I’m sure you’ve managed to keep yourself amused. I have to admit, I was impressed. J.? Roll film.”

As mesmerizing as the clip remained, Loki’s face—the Loki in the cell—was more so. Tony spared a split-second to be sure Natasha had her spy lie-detector senses all trained on the green-eyed menace behind glass. Yeah, she was geared up. They could compare notes after.

No one, no being in the whole possible universe, could manufacture the progression of emotions which danced across Loki’s narrow face. Lean, elegant fingers swept over the long pale column of throat, eyes wide and mouth almost on the floor, brows nearly blown right off that high forehead. Loki’s mouth worked without sound for a few seconds. Then the eyes warmed,drifting shut for a moment at the thunderous chant of _“Loki! Loki!”_ and the demigod’s chest rose and fell in a couple seconds of sheer bliss. One bright tear tracked down over a high, sharp cheekbone.

Smiles sprang at the shared laughter, at the loving interaction with all those supposedly insignificant mortals. The longing stretching Loki’s eyes wide didn’t belong to a man who thought them so all that worthless. But the pure disbelief and exaltation as six thousand people shouted his name in one voice pinched something in Tony’s chest.

And then it all exploded. Literally. Those long-fingered hands clenched into fists, drew up to Loki’s chest, and then flung out, gold blasts rippling from his palms like the suit’s disruptors, knocking furniture and books against the clear walls. The only thing unmoved was the large bed, and even it gained a few scorch marks. _Woah._ Narrow lips pulled back in a snarl worthy of a sabretooth cat, lean muscles tensed and corded, and a great, guttural roar shook the walls of the whole prison, building to a scream: “It should have been _MINE_!”

Thor winced and scrunched up his face. “Brother—”

“Silence!” The volume lowered, but walls still vibrated. A white hand spread on the shield keeping Loki from ripping off heads. “I told you once you squandered your regency. You care not for your Midgardians, leaving them to die in droves while you drink and carouse, wasting your time on petty quests and useless adventuring. You abandon them where I would have nurtured them. I would have ruled them well and they would have loved me! See the proof before you!” Loki spat out venom between clenched teeth. “And now some imposter steals it from me. That should be MINE!” Gold power slammed the walls again.

“Guess it’s not him.”

 _Barton, so help me God, you make one more wisecrack..._ Okay, so feeling a fair amount of sympathy for the guy who’d tried to squash Manhattan under his boot wasn’t exactly what Tony had expected. Less expected was actually wanting to punch someone over it. Then again, Tony had never been one to kick a guy when he was down. Well, except terrorists. Then you just stomped until they’d never get up again.

_Wait. Wasn’t I calling Loki a terrorist earlier?_

“Not now, Clint.” Natasha folded her arms under her chest. Tony only stopped breathing for a second before he refocused on the Loki issue and watched Widow focus on Loki himself. “So, would you be interested in seeing a little more about this imposter? I’d like your opinion on him.”

Odin frowned and stepped forward. “I did not say—”

“In just a moment. I’m working here.” She never moved her attention from Loki. “Does that work for you? Mutual cooperation in this one area? I’m sure you’re interested in finding out how someone can mimic you so well. Not to mention the issue of what he’s stolen from you.”

The man in the cell went perfectly still, lips pressed together. Tony noticed for the first time it wasn’t just one scar now; a string of ten or twelve, thinner than the first but just as long, and...his Norse mythology kicked in and he barely kept from crying out his realization. _Later, later, you do not want to bring this up now, but my God..._ Several moments of complete silence stretched out. Then a deep inhale echoed in the cell, those peacock eyes swung toward Natasha, probing and alert, the rich voice pitching deeper and lethal. “Oh, I assure you, Agent Romanov, I will gladly aid you in routing out this pretender, whoever he may be, and then I shall spare you trouble of a trial and incarceration.”

“Fair enough.” Natasha offered a professional little smile. “We have some other examples of the perpetrator. You aren’t the only one he’s managed to impersonate.” Yeah, professional. Completely so. Utterly calm and courteous, aside from ignoring the ruler of the realm. Pleasant. _Wow._ Times like this, she really scared the crap out of Tony. Loki seemed to love the hell out of it, though. He was still mad as hell, but he grinned at her like she was his bestie.

“Indeed? By all means, share with me what has happened.” Dark brows popped up again as JARVIS plastered most of the glass walls of Loki’s cell with photos and GIFs, the ones showing him all frat-buds with Cap, Hawk, Bruce, Tony himself. The smile at Widow went wider at the shots of them kissing. Tony decided the God of Mischief was not only a genius in his own right, but a damn good psychologist. No words needed to convey the totally ass-kicking-incitement quip just aching to glide off that silver tongue.

“If you want to continue our friendly working relationship, don’t.” Nat arched a brow. “One, I’ve already thought of everything you could say.” She held up her forefinger. “No, seriously. I really have. Two, Clint’s actually said about half of them and has the bruise on his jaw to prove it. Three, I can supply you with a matching one because I know how close the pair of you are.”

Even Cap snorted a little at that one. The really, really funny part was the near identical mutinous looks Clint and Loki sported. “Oh my God, Nat. Seriously.” Clint’s mutiny turned into pout while Loki went for affronted. “I’d be careful talking about close to Loki if I were you. I know that’s a fake, but damn. You fit him really well.”

Loki opened his mouth to protest, looked at Widow, and closed it again. If there was a hint of consideration there, well, it just proved Loki wasn’t blind and had healthy male hormones somewhere under all that bluster and arrogance. “That is not me.”

“It’s not any of us. No matter what JARVIS says about freckles.” Cap scowled at the portable server, the closest he could get to JARVIS. “But someone’s done a hell of a job duplicating us all. Question is how; bigger question might be why?”

Loki stopped just short of a complete eyeroll. “To achieve by guile and charm what I did not by force. Oh, and this ploy is far more elegant, far more...me. The sheer injustice of it! I could weep.” He raised a brow at Cap’s uncomprehending stare. “Surely you— Midgardians.” He sighed. “Uncaring Norns! Thor, surely even you must understand what this being is attempting? Allfather? Allmother? Or am I once again the only person on Asgard with any functioning brain matter?”

“I _got_ that part.” Spangles looked ready to crack the cell wall with his shield and then maybe Loki’s head. “I meant, why bother impersonating _you_? Why not simply do his own thing? It’s not like you left a whole lot of friends behind after you helped turn Manhattan into a pile of rubble. He’d be taking an equal risk of being lynched. So why you? There’s got to be more reason than your sparkling personality.”

Oooh, looked like maybe sarcasm wasn’t completely lost on Spangles, after all. That wasn’t half bad.

If looks were weapons, Capsicle would be sushi. Nice little fillet slices all over the floor courtesy of twin green lasers. “Mr. Stark, play your video again.” As laughter and cheers greeted the clone’s quip of _“You should have let me rule you when you had the chance,”_ Loki grinned at Cap. “Are you so sure it isn’t my personality he sought?” The smile immediately faded. “Though, that is odd, is it not? All the things they should hate seem to be items they find endearing.” The villain's brow furrowed. “Excessively endearing, in fact.”

“I think it’s really odd, yeah. As odd as everything else associated with this. Which is why I brought it up.” Cap’s stance relaxed and settled back to business. “The pep rally is one thing; you’re right about his motivation there. But why bother with the rest? Dragging us into it, _all_ of us? I seem to recall reading about the way investigations go when a crime’s been committed: _how plus why equals who_. Seems to me it might work for our little predicament here.” A gold brow prompted Loki to offer a rebuttal.

“Why is obvious. The much-vaunted Avengers. Earth’s Mightiest Superheroes. To be seen as aligned with me. As friends with me. It only strengthens our adversary’s appearance of benign goodness, of the playful Trickster. It furthers his ability to lure in followers.” Loki scowled. “Would we knew more of him.”

Tony wasn’t sure if Cap’s nod was for having his own theory confirmed by someone else, or if he actually hadn’t thought of it.

“So we concentrate on the how at this point. Then we should be able to narrow it to people or beings who have the smarts for implementing it.” Bruce shifted from the table he’d been leaning on. “There’s a few ways it could be done beyond simple cosplay.” The fluffy half of the Hulk smiled at Frigga’s confused glance. “Sorry. Costume play. Dressing up like characters from films or television shows or books we like. It’s sort of a big deal among certain groups of people on Earth.”

The queen nodded. “This is certainly more than putting on the clothing of my son. I would say that was him in all ways. I could see no falsehood in the man stirring thousands to chant his name. I, who raised Loki from a tiny, helpless babe, could not see through the disguise.” She moved to stand just outside Loki’s cell. “I do not doubt so stirring a speech could come from your lips, Loki. Indeed, I would expect this to be the path you would take to a throne rather than crass violence. You were ever a diplomat and a man of words.”

For a moment Tony thought the God of Chaos might just burst into tears. His gaze on his mother held something so totally unexpected it caught Tony right under the arc reactor and held on. Regret. Honest-to-God regret and...sort of remorse. A bone-deep sadness that he’d disappointed her. Loki might be all revenge-bent on Daddy and Big Brother, but not here. Not with Mom. The rich teal eyes brimmed with brightness as a large, lean hand rested on the glass right by her cheek. Everyone and everything else in the room, maybe the whole realm, vanished in that heartbroken gaze.

“Yet violence is the path Loki chose, Frigga.” Odin moved closer, though not so much that he stood in the light cast by the cell. “But the talent you speak of is there. Loki was always my envoy in sensitive matters of state. The shade in this video harkens back to that talent.” He paused a moment before looking away from his imprisoned son. “I, too, could see no difference between that image and the true Loki.”

Spell broken, Loki’s gaze darted away from the queen and regained every bit of the rage. “If it is not simple costume and mimicry, which we have just proven, then two paths lay open before us. Your human science, or true magic.”

Tony twitched. “Magic makes me itch. Just so you know. Can we not go with that one? Please. Seriously. I’ll break out and everything. It’s ugly.” He made the not-smile smile at the Asgardians. “So, J. What can you come up with now that we’re in Oz to help with our little mystery, here? Do I need to find Scooby Snacks?”

“That will not be necessary, sir.” Honestly, some days J was as no-humor as Cap. “However, I have been monitoring the space around us and comparing them with readings I took on Earth at the time I picked up the problematic transmissions. There are some interesting similarities in the electromagnetic field distortion. A series of...cosmic blips is the idiom I believe you would use to describe it to Captain Rogers.”

 _Oh. Now that’s interesting._ “Talk to me, J. Are you getting the same sort of Loki and Thor rainbow bridges and cuddly kittens gateway crap we got before? Can you tap into it? Make Daddy happy and say yes.”

“It is not precisely the same, but I will attempt to modify my earlier protocols to home in on the signals.” J settled down to think, the server popping and clicking once in awhile just to remind everyone the AI was still there.

“So what’s he talking about, Tony? I mean, I get electromagnetic distortions okay, in general at least, but what sort of blips?” Cap folded those massive arms over his chest. “Portals, like the ones the Tesseract caused?” That slightly freaked-out expression passed over Spangles’ face again. “I wasn’t going to tell you until later, so we could hash it out alone, but when we landed here in Asgard...I’ve seen this sky before.”

“I’m not surprised by that. Considering the holes JARVIS keeps finding.” Tony gave Cap a careful once-over. “So, not a fun visual, I take it. Because, you have that not-fun face on.”

“The sky itself wasn’t so bad. But it was...it was when Schmidt picked up the Tesseract after I’d broken the device using it to power his doomsday jet. He held it in his bare hand, and it...” An almost-shiver rippled across Steve’s shoulders. “It... _howled_ is the only word I can think of to describe it. And then this flash of light opened up a hole of some sort above him, and I saw this completely different sky. Just before it incinerated Schmidt. I still wake up hearing that howl some nights. And then the hole snapped shut and the cube dropped to the floor, and _through_ the floor. I was glad it was gone.”

“The Tesseract is a thing of great power.” Thor made Tony shiver. Of course, Thor could make Cool Whip sound ominous when he used that voice. “It should never have been let free to trouble Midgard.”

Loki snorted in the most delicate fashion. Yeah, and how did everyone _not_ figure out those two weren’t really related?

Barton had perked up during Cap’s story. “That’s what it sounded like when Loki first showed up at the SHIELD facility. Howled. Like something out of _Hellraiser_. Like it was alive.” The archer raised a brow at Tony. “Maybe I’m going a little too _Star Trek_ for you genius types, but are we looking at rips in space because of that thing?”

“That’s what JARVIS is talking about.” Tony noticed Loki’s tiny smirk. The little shit knew about them all along. Sky Walker. Yeah. Whatever. “So, can you use them to communicate with the home world, JARVIS?”

“Actually, sir, I can communicate with a number of home worlds, as you stated it. Now that I have done the permutations which take into account the possibility of intra-universe transversal and parallel worlds, it is quite evident. The transmissions I was receiving do not originate in _our_ universe.”

Say what? “Run that by again. They aren’t from our universe?” Tony scratched his beard just to have something to do with his hands. “Ahm. Really?”

“Yggdrasil’s branches are many. Some we do not see even here on Asgard.” Okay, _Cryptic_ Annoying Viking Pirate Emperor was just one adjective too many.

Loki, on the other hand, was now grinning like they’d just handed him his favorite teddy bear. “It appears I need not kill this imposter after all. For he is not a fraud, but another aspect of mine own self. A much beloved one who is taking Midgard with great craft and skill.” Yeah, that grin made Tony want to punch the little shit. Especially when he laughed like that. “Where are your Avengers now?”

“At the moment, on the _outside_ of your little cell in this universe.” Oh yeah, Clint still had issues. One being the urge to test death regularly by pissing off the God of Mischief. “But I still don’t get the buddy-buddy stuff with the rest of us in that one. ‘Where are your Avengers now?’ doesn’t really fit with playing kissy-face with Nat or frat-boying with Cap. Maybe we’re tuning in to more than one?”

“I have determined the current batch of signals all originate from the same source universe, Agent Barton.” JARVIS supplied his information with notable calm. “I have found the additional missing element at the end of the original video, I believe. The item to which Prince Loki directed his followers to feast their eyes.”

Oh-oh. Tony exchanged eye warnings with his fellow Avengers, settling with Cap finally. _It’s your call, big guy. You’re our glorious leader._

Cap frowned, pursed his lips a couple times. The gold brows did a little two-step over solemn blue eyes. Tony knew the moment a decision settled in the brain-box; that set to Cap’s jaw had become a trademark. “Play it.”

“Whoa, that’s...hang on.” Tony blinked as bass notes rumbled through the dungeon and Loki’s voice dripped poison in perfect accompaniment. The image of the prison they stood in _now_ appeared on the screen, Loki’s magic, golden and deadly beautiful, erupting inside his cell before they got a close up for that equally beautiful and vicious face. “Okay, so your duplicate’s orchestrated this one. Hired the sound effects guys and cinematographers and everything. Nice.”

“Shut up, Tony. Just watch the damn thing.” Barton rolled his eyes.

Tony rolled right back but focused on the video. Okay, all still not well in Bromance-Land. These two were about as anti-bromance as you could get. On the screen. Off-screen, in this universe, Tony never had figured out if Thor loved or loathed Little Adopted Brother; it seemed to come in equal portions depending on the moment. Or maybe Point Break needed to balance his blood sugar.

_“I need your help. And I wish I could trust you.”_

_“If you did you’d be the fool I always took you for.”_

Well, okay, Reindeer Games was a pretty shrewd judge of character.

Barton growled at the flashing logo. “What’s Marvel?”

“To be astonished by something.” Bruce sounded calm, which was always a good thing.

“Oh great. Thank you so fucking much. Not.” The Birdman, not so much.

_“Some believe that before the universe, there was nothing. They’re wrong. There was darkness. And it has survived.”_

“Tis my father’s voice!” Thor sounded properly astonished to go with that marvel thing. “How is that—” A gasp stopped him cold. “Jane.” Gold brows knit as something fucking huge and black headed for some vaguely familiar buildings. “No! What is this?”

The buildings got more familiar. “That would be London. What the hell is it with that city...” Honestly, you had to wonder what sort of racket Liz was running to have so many people pissed off at her all the time. “That’s nothing of Earth design, that’s for sure.”

“Tis elvish, ignorant mortal.” Loki crossed his arms and settled into his _I’m superior to everything around me_ mode. He made a sweep of everyone outside his bright little enclosure. “Do none of you know anything? Oh, look, _brother_. There you are.” Loki smirked at the image of Thor on the video.

Yeah, video Thor landed hard enough to crack the sidewalk. How did that even work? “Ouch.” Tony wrinkled up his face.

_“I gave you my word; I would return for you.”_

The video cut to a couple of shots of this Jane chick— _Oh, okay, Dr. Jane Foster. Thank you SHIELD files, and way to go, Thor_ —looking suitably wowed over Asgard.

“See there, big guy. Nothing to worry about. You took care of it.” Tony pointed a smile at the glowering thunder god. No need to encourage lightning and storms just yet. Not this far underground. Not a good thing to remember. Tony really hated being underground. He upped the wattage on the grin. “Looks like you hauled Jane back to Asgard and all’s well and that kind of thing.”

_“We face an enemy known only to a few.”_

A black guy who looked like he’d seen more than a few battles appeared. Thor’s blond locks showed up in the foreground, obviously facing the guy. “J, pause it a sec.” Tony turned to Thor. “Who’s this guy?”

“Heimdall, gatekeeper of Asgard. He is charged with oversight of the Bifrost. He sees all that occurs in the Nine.” Thor made the impossible sound serious. And completely probable. Loki snorted.

“Have respect.” Odin growled pretty well even if Reindeer Games seemed mostly immune.

“Yeah, okay.” Best to move on before another round of Family Feud erupted. “Play, JARVIS.”

Thor had the serious face going on the screen. _“Known only to one.”_

And obviously that one was Loki, since the next shot showed he and Thor climbing some sort of a rise in the midst of a barren, mountainous landscape with storm clouds racing across the sky. The Trickster’s voice came over the video.

_“You must be truly desperate to come to me for help.”_

Hawkeye’s snort carried about twenty tons of derision. “How many times can you repeat that? It would only be more valid each go around.”

“Clint, please.” Cap just sounded weary.

The manacles on Loki’s wrists as he climbed some sort of mountain didn’t speak of a lot of trust anyway.

_“If we do nothing, they will destroy us.”_

“Whoa. Xena, Warrior Princess. I didn’t know you had those. Wait. Yes, I did. Sorry, forgot.” Tony refocused after the flash of a forest battle. And a big redhead with a hand on Loki’s chest.

_“You even think about betraying him—”_

To be replaced by Xena and a freaking giant blade. _“—And I’ll kill you.”_

The fact that Loki just smiled at her like he’d heard it all before and knew he could take her before she could get that blade out of its sheath left a cold spot under the arc reactor.

Before Tony could blink, Xena switched to Thor’s squeeze delivering a smack to Mr. Mischief that spun his head nearly off his shoulders. _“And that was for New York.”_

_Wait just a second. How?_

The Loki on screen smiled, all charm and snake oil. _“I like her.”_

“Freeze it.” Tony couldn’t have seen that right. “What the actual fuck?”

Cap had come off the table he’d been leaned up against, one finger pointed at the screen and the other hand leveled at Loki. “How come when she punches you it actually stings? You never even flinched when I clocked you in Stuttgart. And last time I checked, I had a little harder punch than your average civilian...” The last word hovered there for so long Tony thought for sure it would fall and Widow would clock him in turn.

“Physicist?” Natasha supplied the word like it was dead ice and waited, face blank.

“Yeah. Physicist.” Steve looked like he just might kiss her, death-glare or not.

Hawk snorted again. “You mean you don’t hit like a girl.”

Cap’s glare would have taken out the entire Third Reich in one sweep. “Shut up, Clint.”

Tony couldn’t help but notice the intense interest with which Frigga followed the exchange. “I know you’re her favorite boytoy, Loxley, but are you going to tell Black Widow that a girl is less dangerous than any guy and expect to walk away from it with your manly bits intact? I know I call you birdbrain, but really.” Tony grinned for the benefit of the royals. “Widow can maim anyone with a cotton ball and kill you with a toothpick. Without messing up her hair.”

Oddly, it was Loki who took up the banner. “It is true. She would shame most of your army on the field of battle, Allfather. And outthink every one of them.” He inclined his head toward the assassin.

Natasha met the gesture with one of her own. “The question is still valid, even if the delivery lacked.” A quick flick of her eyes and a quirk of her mouth toward Steve worked just as well as any eye-roll any day. “I’d guess it has something to do with the fact your hands are manacled in that shot. Something not standard issue?”

“Or perhaps I wished to make the poor dear feel better.” Loki could spread it on thick when he wanted. “If she does have the nerve to actually strike me, perhaps your little mortal is not without some value, Thor.”

Odin started to speak, but Frigga beat him to it. “Mr. Stark, could we continue with this presentation?”

“As you wish, Your Majesty. J., do the honors.”

_This November_

“What? November?” Cap stared from the screen to Tony and back.

_“Thor, your bravery will not ease your pain."_

“I know that voice.” Odin frowned.

“No, no. Back to November.” Tony was on board with Cap.

_“Your family, your world will be extinguished."_

“Malekith.”

Who knew Asgardians could all speak in unison that way. Pretty impressive. Especially since all four of them seemed to finally agree on something. Who or whatever Malekith was, they didn’t much care for him/it.

“Back to Novem—”

“Silence!” Okay. Odin was scary when he yelled. He got that vein standing out in his temple and everything. Maybe it was something guys with eye patches were taught.

Loki’s fists were pressed against the barrier now as scenes of war and destruction played on the screen. Frigga appeared, sword in hand, then in a fight with someone. “No. Mother!” Even beaten and staring down all the Avengers, Loki hadn’t looked like that.

“But it’s...” The combined weight of glares from Thor and Odin stopped Cap’s reassurances.

Eric Selving, speaking with Jane. _“We’re running out of time.”_

Jane, with one of the lab techs. _“The very fabric of reality will be torn apart.”_

Major kissy-face between Jane and Thor, then Loki sucker-punching a...something...with his elbow, then the big guy back kissing Jane’s hands. _“I’ll find a way to save us all.”_

They’d done it up well, that was for sure. How the hell it had happened was a little past Tony’s brain cells at the moment, but at least the mystery was partly solved. It made some sense. Sort of. Oh, the music matched nicely. Look at that. Big hammer scene thing.

_Marvel_

_THOR_

_The Dark World_

Yeah, that about cinched it.

“What in the Nine...” At least Loki had the ability to voice his confusion. The other Asgardians just looked pole-axed.

“Movie.” Before he could explain more, a roar came from the screen and something straight out of _Lord of the Rings_ marched over a hill.

 _“All yours.”_ Oh, Xena was back.

The Middle Earth ogre turned into lots of rocks thanks to Moljnir. Thor surveyed the stunned army with a completely Stark-worthy smirk. _“Anyone else?”_

“Hey, didn’t I see that on _Star Trek_?”

Tony arched a brow at Bruce. “Considering what I think I know now, very possibly.”

_11.08.13_

_Marvel — facebook.com/thor_

“Oh, freeze that, JARVIS.” Tony looked at Cap and his fellow Avengers. He pointed to the right corner of the screen. “And need we say more?” Right there in nice letters for the world to read was the answer to it all. Mostly.

_Movie Trailers_

“It’s a film. Like Superman. And that really was ComicCon, only it was an actor playing Loki who got all the fanfare.” Cap settled back against the table again. “So in this alternate reality we’re all...fictional? Those are actors playing us?” It took a minute for Spangles to recover from voicing that one. “But how does it match so perfectly with what they know here? The architecture, the landscapes...King Odin and the rest here, even Loki, all believed it was real.”

“Who is to say it is not?” Loki leaned a shoulder against his invisible prison wall. “I am familiar with the magical worlds beyond the barriers of reality where all things are possible. Worlds like unto ours and so different our minds cannot even bear to glimpse them. Well, most minds.” He smirked. “When you walk The Between you sometimes touch them. Some of them wait just for that touch.” He chuckled. “Of course, others rather leap for a chance to be touched. I wonder which this is.” He looked at the frozen screen, concern showing for once. “Iron Man, if we are tales in that world, who is to say the tales aren’t true? And if that is so, then this is prophecy.”

“And you and the folks are about to be in some deep sh—uh, dung.” When in Rome, assume the old phrases work better. “You all know this Malekith guy, I take it?”

“He is a powerful sorcerer. An evil lord of the Svartálfar.” Odin blinked when a clearer image of the being in question appeared on another screen. “He once aspired to the throne of the Dark Elves, desirous of being their king. He still holds great power among his people. He can muster large forces if he so wishes.” His one eye strayed to the static end cap of the trailer. “It seems he so wishes. Or will, if Loki’s thoughts are correct.”

“Yeah, but are they?” Barton twirled an arrow between his fingers. “It’s just a movie, right? Nothing proves it’s going to happen.”

“Hmm.” Tony scratched at his beard again. “JARVIS, you can tap in back to _our_ Earth, right? See if there’s anything on the radar like that big black ship. Or anything that might indicate more-than-usual weirdness might be about to strike. Focus on Europe. That thing plowed into London.”

“Good plan.” Robin Hood slid his arrow back into his quiver. “I mean, whatever movie came first had to be different from what really happened. You saw how much those people loved Loki. That couldn’t happen if they made a film about how Darth Vader there tried to wipe out New York.” He turned a malicious grin on Loki. “They’d hate you like everyone else.”

“I fear you are mistaken, Agent Barton.” JARVIS’ cool tones washed over them. “I have found what appears to be an entire franchise of films featuring a number of you, and one in which the Battle of New York is depicted in perfect detail. You may want to plan for a marathon later, sir. It is rather disconcerting to say the least. Switching to our continuum as requested. The data will take a few minutes to correlate.”

“What!” Legolas did angry really well. “They saw all that and they still bowed down to him like that? They shouted out they loved him!”

“Perhaps the mortals of that continuum are of superior intellect and understanding. They recognize their true king when he appears even if only as a figure in a heroic tale.” Loki’s grin could power Stark Tower.

“Or maybe JARVIS is right and the answers are in the other films.” Natasha shrugged at the glare Loki gave her. “Didn’t say you were wrong. It could all culminate in that, or we may find something new. Either way, I think there might be a slightly more pressing problem at the moment in this Dark Elf sorcerer. He’s got a hell of a jones going for the lot of you in the film trailer.”

“Brother...” Thor drew it out.

Loki actually rolled his eyes.

“What are you two, five? We’re talking some sort of alien invasion here.” Tony wagged his index finger at the erstwhile king of Earth. “You were the one all upset about prophecy and your mother and shit. Now get it together, Rudolph!”

It probably would have come off a lot better if Bruce hadn’t started giggling and apologizing for giggling. “It’s just you getting upset with someone for being juvenile.”

“Boys.” Okay, surreal for the Norse goddess to have Mommy-Voice down pat. Frigga turned to her husband. “Odin, it does seem this matter will not be solved simply. And these are guests to Asgard and have hardly been treated as such. Perhaps we should...” She paused, looked at Loki, then faced the Allfather guy again. “Perhaps we should _all_ return to the hall, enjoy a meal together, and wait for Tony Stark’s machine to finish its work. We are all involved in this, after all.” Tony didn’t miss the pleading under her cool tone.

Ole Patch-Eye considered a moment. “Yes. It would be best. Thor, go and request a proper meal be set for us and our guests. Your brother will join us, as will Sif and the Warriors Three, since they are depicted in this...” His voice trailed off as his hand gesture indicated the screen where the trailer had been. “Make sure they understand I will tolerate no foolishness this day, nor any disrespect to your guests or my younger son.” He ignored Loki’s incredulous look. “Frigga, would you show our guests to quarters where they may refresh themselves before we gather again? I will bring Loki myself.”

The queen stared at her husband for a good few seconds, just long enough, Tony figured, to get her own point across without being truly disrespectful. She wasn’t tolerating any foolishness, either. Then she smiled and turned, spreading her hands to take in all of them. “Please. Come with me. Our hospitality is usually far better than you’ve experienced so far.”

Tony resisted the urge to say _what hospitality,_ since he didn’t want to have to suit up and deal with the hammer. Still, it was tempting. “Let me get JARVIS. I’m not leaving him down here. Pack it up for Daddy, okay? I promise it’ll only be for a little while and I’ll let you back out as soon as we’re upstairs.”

“Really, sir.” J. had the eye roll down. Especially for someone without eyes. “I can monitor the situation perfectly well in compact mode while running on reactor power. Expanded mode merely improves my interface ability with organic life forms, as you are well aware.” _Snot._

They hadn’t gotten more than ten feet down a stone-walled corridor when Tony noted Widow pulling Cap aside. He tuned in to the soft voices.

“I want to stay back a bit. Just to keep an eye on Odin. There’s a...a weird sort of vibe going on between them.”

A pause before Cap answered. “You think he’d do something to...what? Hurt Loki? Loki seems to be the one who knows as much about this Malekith guy as anybody.”

“I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it yet. But Loki looked surprised as hell when Odin agreed to let him join us. And more than a little wary about Odin bringing him upstairs alone. I just want to make sure they’re being on the level with us.”

“Okay. It’s a good plan. Just be careful. We only have a vague idea of what these guys are capable of.”

Her smile carried a hell of a lot of eye-roll. “I’m always careful, Cap.”

 _Come to think of it..._ Tony fished in the side of the portable case, ever thankful for his native dose of paranoia. Genius. Yep. Lived up to it every day. “Forgot something. Be right back.” He hurried back to the dungeon and pressed the tiny camera/microphone combo to the wall under the pretense of leaning down to pick up a dropped piece of tech. If Widow could listen, so could he. He pretended not to see her in a shadowy alcove as he sprinted back up to the others. “Okay. Sorry. Cover to the headphone compartment came off. Got it now.” He slipped a pair of Stark interactive shades on, making sure the clear speaker bud went in his ear. He hung back just enough he hoped to be unheard over Cap talking to the queen. “J., bring up the surveillance cam.”

Neither Odin nor Loki had moved much on either side of that magical wall, but Loki got twitchier the longer Odin stood there just gazing at him. Far cry from the cocky megalomaniac who’d waltzed into Tony’s penthouse and tossed Tony out a window. The God of Mischief looked more like a teenager about to get into deep shit with his dad over something and didn’t know where to look that _wasn’t_ at dad.

Finally he caved. “Well, old man? I’m sure you have something of greater import than watching me molder in your captivity. You’ve always had something more important upon which to lavish your valuable time than I.”

 _Oooo. Ouch._ Bitter, much?

If Odin had an issue about the disrespect of being addressed as “old man,” he let it slide. There was no real movement in his face, but Tony got the impression of a white brow going up. “I simply noticed your distress as we watched Malekith threatening your mother. It was a shade of a boy I have not seen in some time.”

“She is the other victim of your schemes and lies; why should I not feel for her? Forced to accept a monster, to clasp a vile alien child in her arms and pretend it to be her own. I’m sure there were those who knew you returned from the war with a child not hers. Who knew she had not been with child. Do most of the court assume I’m your bastard? How humiliated she must have been.” A vicious smile twisted Loki’s thin lips. “Yet with all that, she, of all Asgard, managed the only kindness I recall. So yes, I have no wish to see Malekith with a sword at her throat, though I would cheer were it pressed to yours.”

Ouch again. That hit home, hard. Odin’s gaze actually dropped to the top of the steps surrounding two sides of Loki’s cell, a deep sigh raising shoulders that suddenly looked a lot older, even if the guy was older than dirt already. _And while we’re on the subject, WTF? Thor said he was adopted, but what’s this? He’s not Asgardian?_ Tony made a note to have JARVIS find the prurient data in those films pronto.

Loki made a noise of derision. “A bit late in the day for remorse, now that she and I have borne the stigma for all these centuries.” He pushed away from the barrier, face set in hard, ugly lines. “Better you turn your mind to keeping her safe. You saw as I did—the barest glimpse of what looked as if it could be that damned elf with his knife angled at Mother’s throat for a killing blow. If that is prophecy, you must stop it coming to fruition.”

“You would not aid us? For her sake if nothing else?” Daddy Odin didn’t wallow in his moments of remorse, that was for sure. “I said I would allow you to join us in the hall, and to offer your insight and strategies in this threat to both Asgard and our family directly. Your power will still be restrained, of course, as I’m sure you would do were our positions and history reversed. But if you have no desire to aid at all…”

“‘Twas no jest, then?” Loki sounded honestly surprised. “You mean to let me out of here to join your war party?” He laughed, short and hard. “So be it. I’ll join, and do what I can. For Mother’s sake. Providing I make it out of these dungeons alive, which is still a subject open for debate. At least make my demise look like an accident, would you?” Something unbearably sad settled over his face. “That would be easier for her, you know, than if you kill me as I attempt an escape.”

Another of those sighs. “Loki, if I wished you dead it would have been accomplished long ago. But as you have at this moment agreed to assist us, little would be gained in an escape attempt; you would be of no aid and yes, I would be forced to kill you. That choice lies firmly in your hands…” Tony could have sworn he heard “...my son” cross Odin’s lips, but way too soft for anyone to have been expected to hear.

“Then shall we adjourn to proper chambers and see if we might advert my mother’s death.” Loki gave not a single inch as he stared back at his father.

 _Oh. Yeah._ That whole _not his father_ thing. Frigga apparently remained Loki’s mother, but Odin had been disowned and Thor had only somehow managed to work his way back into Loki’s graces. So Odin got the _fuck you_ stare.

“So be it. You will stand back from the enclosure wall and stay there until the restraints are in place.”

Tony expected manacles or something, but it seemed all Odin had to do was conjure up a...okay, really not keen on the glowy thing looking more like a fucking dog collar than anything else. It might not have circled tight around Loki’s neck, but close enough. _Okay, starting to understand the bitter thing a little more._

Another wave and the glass barrier vanished. Sneer firmly in place, Loki stepped down from his cell and joined the king. “Always an honor to be at your service.”

 _And the snark never ends._ Tony imagined family meals were just a treat with this crew. Holidays—Oiy. No. Just no.

He sort of hoped Thor was stuck whipping the caterers into shape. This called for a slightly more private confab.

 


	4. Science Fiction, Double Feature...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long scene - fair warning. We always wondered what would happen if the Avengers knew the WHOLE story...

* * *

* * *

Tony hurried to catch up to Cap and the others, aware he’d lagged as far behind as he could and still keep them in sight. This was all just wow. “J., remind me the next time I get one of these ideas to not get one of these ideas, okay?”

“I shall make a note, sir.”

 _Smartass_.

“I can still turn you into a toaster.” Tony skidded slightly on the overly shiny floors. “And give you to Thor.” Ah, there was the red, white, and blue figure he wanted. “Cap, old buddy, old pal. So, this is your room? Cool. This is great, Queen Frigga. We’ll share for right now. No need to go to the trouble of two rooms. We’re used to roughing it.” He grinned his best winning grin and pushed Steve toward the center of the room. “How soon before someone comes to get us for this big meeting thing?”

Spangles planted his feet into the floor and suddenly pushing got to be more like trying to move Stark Tower. “She said an hour or so.” At least Cap waited until the queen closed the doors, one more amused-mommy smile on her face, before giving Tony the Phaser-on-Kill brow. “What? I suppose I can survive sharing a room with you, but you only get ‘old buddy, old pal’ when you want something or when all hell’s about to break loose and you don’t want anybody else to know. Which is this?”

“Possibly the second. I’m not completely sure, but it’s a real possibility.” Tony dropped onto a couch-like piece of furniture. “Do you suppose they have scotch? I mean, this is the Norse version of heaven, right? They’d have to have scotch in heaven. Otherwise, it’s not really heaven; it’s sort of the other place. I really need scotch.”

“No idea.” Cap walked over to a table near the big, bright, glassless windows which looked out over the city. He picked up one of the handful of bottles there, then came back and tossed it to Tony before he sat down on the other end of the sofa. “Best they can do for the moment, whatever it is. Better have JARVIS check it’s human-compatible, though. Just in case.”

Tony made a noise that might have meant he agreed. Or something. “Thor’s family is even more jacked up than mine was. I mean, massively, amazingly, tabloid sensation, _could have their own hit reality TV show_ jacked up. I don’t like Loki. He threw me out of my own building. But _damn_ , his old man is an ass. Apparently he has always been one. A manipulative, controlling, lying, scheming one.” He didn’t wait for JARVIS to clear the greenish amber liquid before he took a slug. And coughed. “Okay.” He managed to strangle out a few words. “Not scotch, but not bad.”

“Fine, not a great father-son relationship. You wouldn’t have brought it up if it was just that.” Steve gave him a searching look and nodded after a moment. “I’m going to assume you decided to back up Natasha’s surveillance with your own. What’d you find out, besides Odin’s a jerk?”

“Let’s see.” Tony tapped his chin with his index finger and took another very large chug of the drink. It burned off a few layers of his esophagus, but hey! Godly alcohol and all that. Maybe it would clean up his liver. “Loki feels so loved and so much a part of all this golden Asgardian...whatever, that he asked his old man to make sure to cover up killing Loki on the way up here. You know, make it look like an accident for his mother’s sake. Because she’s the only one Loki gives a damn about. Wanna know why? I’ll tell you why! Because Loki feels like he owes her. Because she’s the only one who was ever decent to him. And because he feels like Odin did her wrong by making her take in an alien war orphan and pretend it was hers. A baby everyone here thinks is probably Odin’s love child.” He grimaced. “How jacked up is that?”

“Pretty jacked up, all right.” Cap’s strategist-brain kicked on for a few minutes, sucking all that data into the first part of Plan A, neat little bullet points that probably looked exactly like the notes he took in Avengers briefings. “But I have to wonder how deep it goes. During the Battle of New York, I got the impression Thor was only giving us part of the story. The SHIELD files on the Albuquerque Incident didn’t add much. And Thor seemed as puzzled as to _why_ Loki was on a rampage as the rest of us. Maybe he didn’t know the details of this, either?”

“That makes sense. Big Daddy lying to both the kids and making Mama keep her mouth shut. Yeah, I can see that. He’s a control freak.” Tony decided the liquor wasn’t so bad once you got used to it. It smoothed out. “So how much do you think Thor knows now? All of it? ‘Cause, I’m doubting that. I bet you Odin is still keeping him in the dark and Loki’s too pissed off to tell him. Not that Thor would believe the lying little shit.” Tony stopped and blinked. “Or has he been lying? Damn. This kinda puts a new light on it all. Was he lying, or was he saying what Odin told him to say and then the old guy reneged, or was he not lying at all? Crap. I hate this shit. I really, really hate this shit.”

Cap leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, thinking hard enough Tony could nearly hear the gears grinding. Cap needed to upgrade to solid state transistors soon. “Let’s assume for the moment that Loki’s right, we’re talking about two worlds where the same things happened, only one’s real—that’s us—and one’s a bunch of movies. Can you have JARVIS see if there’s one pre-dating the Battle of New York that focuses here in Asgard?”

Tony blinked at him a couple of times. “I fell into another of those alternate universes when I came to Asgard, didn’t I? There are all these really freaky other worlds. Like on _Angel_ where there’s the world with no shrimp. This the world where you’re smart.”

That earned him the Steve Rogers patented Glare-O-Death. “Just hurry up. We’ve only got an hour, maybe two, before we’re expected for dinner with them all. I’d love to be on the same page by then. We can give the others a nutshell briefing of it later.”

“Yeah, yeah. J.? You heard the man.” Tony flipped the interface panel up on the case. “Anything?”

“I believe so, sir. Now that we have established the fictional nature of our existence in the other reality, I have found several movies related to various actual individuals within this reality as well as comic books and graphic novels. In regards to your specific request, Captain Rogers, since the trailer in question is for _Thor: The Dark World_ , often referenced as _Thor 2_ , I believe a viewing of _Thor 1_ would be advisable.”

“Let’s do it, then, JARVIS. And if you can, pull out a set of clips for the others that’ll bring them up to speed in the fastest way possible. But give us the whole thing.” Steve settled back, attention already focused on the screen.

“That’d be the director’s cut as default, J. Deleted scenes, the whole shebang. Damn, I want popcorn.” He kicked off his shoes, wriggling into a more comfortable position.

“The feast is in less than an hour, sir. I doubt you shall starve in the interim.” The screen filled with movement and headlights in the desert.

Quick introduction to Drs. Foster and Selvig—plus some chick Tony could swear now worked in a cubicle in the lower recesses of R&D at Stark Industries—a hell of an electrical storm, and then the sudden thud of a large body onto the hood of Foster’s jeep. Tony couldn’t help but grin at the face shown before the title kicked in. “Such a graceful entrance, Thor.”

Even Cap gave a snort of laughter at that. The laughter died at the scenes of ancient warfare, though. He remained grim through the intro to Asgard and the frankly very amusing exchange between Loki and Thor prior to Thor’s coronation. “They look happy. They act like brothers. What the hell happened?”

“I hope we’re about to find out.” They watched Thor enter the great hall with all the bravado and, okay, overkill that seemed out of place in all that golden pomp and ceremony. More like the winning quarterback at Homecoming. Steve frowned at the screen. “He doesn’t seem like he’s geared up to take over a throne. The Thor I know may not be a genius, but he does have a sense of responsibility and a care for the people he protects. This...kid...has none of that.”

 _You could say that again_.

Steve’s frown deepened, furrows cutting into his brow. No one did grim better than Cap. “Loki’s the sane one. Thor is…” He waved a hand in appalled wonder. “Yeah, Loki’s setting it up, but a three-year-old could see it. It’s like Loki’s saying, _here is the bad choice, please don’t pick it_. He’s laying it all out for Thor to succeed if he wants to. But Thor isn’t wanting to at all. How many wrong choices can one person make?” He shook his head. “And they’re just kids. My God. Is Loki even legally an adult in Asgardian years? I mean like Asgardian equal to Human?” Horror settled over his face as he watched them fight the giants again. “Is he an adult now?”

“None of ‘em look old enough to be out there.” Tony heard the dude from earlier, with all the braids and probably the IQ of a houseplant, bellow to the others to not let the ice guys touch them just about the time the shot cut to Loki battling one up close and way too personal. The giant grabbed hold of Loki’s wrist, but instead of the black and steam of quick-frozen flesh, Loki’s arm began to turn _blue_ , the same deep sky blue as the Frost Giant. “What the fuck? J, freeze that for a second. What the hell just happened there? Loki looks like he’s just seen a ghost.”

Steve closed his eyes. “You said Odin brought back a baby from the war? Wanna bet Loki’s part Frost Giant?” His reopened blues held nothing but sympathy. “Wanna bet _he_ didn’t even know he was adopted, either? That is not the face of a guy who knew he had blue skin. Let it play, JARVIS. We don’t have time to pause stuff if we’re gonna get through even half of this before dinner.”

It got worse. One of the kids got seriously skewered, maybe lethally—except Tony recognized him as one of the warriors hanging out with Thor in the here and now, so tougher than he looked—and Thor was completely deaf to the cries of retreat. Having too much fun beating on the Frosties, all gung-ho and jarheaded. Tony watched Steve’s expression gain a fair dose of disgust.

“So Loki really is the one with all the brains and any hint of battle strategy. And common sense.” Thor’s comments as he and his pitifully small band were rescued by his father cemented it for Steve. “What is wrong with Thor? He’s not like that now. Well, a little. But not like _that_. I mean, to start a war just because? And to not get how serious that is. It’s just incredible.”

Odin was sure pissed off when they got back to the portal thing. Dismissing the Scooby gang to the infirmary, he turned on Thor with a decent, and deserved, amount of parental ire. _God, Howard would have grounded me for a year, plus had me scrubbing down the labs at night.Steve’s dad, since it was the 40s, probably would have had the leather belt out._ Especially if the sort of lip coming out of Thor had crossed either of their mouths. Loki just stood there and watched it all with great big green eyes.

Tony glanced at Steve for an instant as Odin tossed the hammer into a rainbow wormhole. “Whatever he was planning, I don’t think Loki expected that.”

“I agree. It doesn’t ring true with what was going on earlier. If he’d wanted Thor gone, he could have just come back to Asgard and left Thor on his own.” Cap ran a hand over his hair and sighed. “Let’s see how much more complicated this can get.”

They watched the immediate aftermath of the kids’ return from Joten-whatever. Less and less added up with Tony’s prior conception of Loki. He watched the Trickster declare his love for his brother at the same time as he voiced his worries about Thor’s fitness to rule. “You know, Crazy Cats is not acting like a usurper. He’s acting...put upon. Fed up.” Tony sighed. “Seeing Thor the way he is in this, Loki’s right. And damn it, he sounds like he cares way more about this kingdom than Thor does.”

“He’s pretty freaked out right now, too, over that bit with his arm.” Steve rolled his eyes as Sif pleaded for Loki to go to Odin, then giving Mischief the evil eye to his back as he left. “And she’s supposed to be a warrior, but she’s behaving more like a schoolgirl with a crush. Thor screwed up big-time, got their whole country involved in a war, and all she’s worried about is getting him back.”

“Yeah, she’s a piece of work.” Tony longed for a piece of popcorn to flick at the screen. Not that it would have helped. The show had moved on.

Then a blue-skinned Loki turned back to ivory and confronted the person he’d believed his whole life to be his father. For all the things Tony knew Loki had done, for all the cray-cray he knew lurked inside the guy, as he watched Loki cry and beg for answers, watched his world come apart, it hurt. And when Odin collapsed on the stairs and Loki took the old man’s hand for just a moment, looking for all the world as if he were silently saying he took back everything he just said, praying to a power higher than even the Allfather, Tony’s heart broke just a little bit. “That poor kid. My God. He doesn’t need a jail. He needs…” A decent family. “A therapist.”

“This explains a whole lot.” Spangles looked like maybe he was fighting a tear or two from coming off those obscenely long lashes. “Not everything, but that’s enough to send anybody into a serious mental breakdown for a while right there.”

Tony was almost grateful for the switch to Jerk Thor so he could process what they’d just seen with Loki. “Yeah. I think you’re right. I mean, I seriously think you’re right. We keep saying Loki’s crazy. What if we’re right? I mean, what if Loki isn’t evil crazy; what if he’s just crazy-crazy. He’s had some sort of breakdown and with the right kind of treatment he could be...decent. Oh my God. He’s as strong as Thor, way smarter, and has magic.” Tony shivered. “He’s as strong as Thor, _way_ smarter, and has magic. How the hell did we defeat him?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t.” Steve got up just long enough to retrieve a goblet from the drinks table and come back. “Pour me a little of that stuff, will you? From the reaction you gave it, I might actually get a hint of a buzz off it. I could use that right now.”

Tony poured the big guy more than a little and watched the utter shock on Loki’s face as his mother made him king. “Oh hell. He never intended to take the throne. He thought his mom would take over. So how did the rumor that he plotted to take Thor’s throne get around?”

“Sif would be my guess. She seemed to have that in her head from the first.” Steve snorted as he took a drink. “Jealous of Thor? Looked to me like she was the one jealous of Loki’s place in Thor’s affections.”

“I’m down with that. She’s all over that bitch vibe.” Tony shook his head. “So freaking jacked up. Oh, see, see! Look at that bitch move she pulled just then! All disrespect and crap. She’s the sort to talk behind a guy’s back.” He watched the three warriors and Ms. Bitch leave their new king and immediately do exactly what he told them not to do.

“They really did seem all fired up to suspect Loki of treason. Just because he’s a master magician? That seemed to be the Asian guy’s big deal.” Steve sighed. “I don’t get it. There had to be more than that.”

“I don’t get it either. I know they’ve known each other forever. I mean, literally forever. But I get the feeling they don’t really know shit about Loki.” Tony sighed. “Hell, Thor’s his brother and he mopes around all day whining about how he doesn’t know what happened. He still swears he has no clue.” Tony flapped a hand at the movie. “Seeing this, I believe him.”

The movie had been focused back on Earth, rather than Asgard, while they talked. Now a familiar-looking setup caught Tony’s eye and he focused back on the screen. “Looks like SHIELD got involved. What’s that they’ve got the Wonderful World of Plastic Sheeting set up around?”

“That’s Thor’s hammer. Mjolnir.” Spangles managed to do a decent job of mangling that. “It’s...it looks like it’s embedded in a rock or something. Guess we know where it landed, then. Question is why, if Thor wasn’t worthy of it anymore.”

“I read about Thor’s first appearance on Earth. SHIELD reports. And before you ask, no they didn’t give them to me.” Tony waved away anything else the boy scout might have to say on that subject. “This is SHIELD being...SHIELD. Apparently, the hammer was sent to us as a test for Surfer Barbie. I have to say, the movie so far is making more sense than the government files. The stuff they have on Thor is gibberish.”

“I guess that’s understandable.” Steve watched Thor plow his way through about fifty agents. “Jiminy. Even mortal, he’s still a force of nature. Hey, there’s Clint.”

Tony had to laugh at how _Clint_ Clint was being. “Yep. Looks like he hasn’t really changed since then. That’s sort of nice to know. I think. Maybe.”

“It’s nice to see Agent Coulson. I hadn’t met him at this point.” Steve blinked. “I’m not even sure I was...you know, conscious again at this point. I don’t think so.” He took another slug of his drink. “This is really weird.”

“The story or the booze? Because I can tell you, they’re both pretty freaky.” Tony watched the past unfurl on the screen, complete with background music and nice cuts. “I get that Thor’s supposed to be the hero of this flick, but why do I feel more for Loki? I mean, who wrote this? What is the deal here? Movies aren’t supposed to work this way.” He watched Thor cry out like a lost and broken child and found he didn’t hurt half as much as he did for the Thunderer’s brother’s near-silent distress at Odin’s bedside. “I think I want Reindeer Games to win. Oh God. This is why they were cheering for him. I want to cheer for him, and he threw me out a window. Christ.”

“Looks like something finally got through Thor’s thick ego. I’ve never seen him look that lost.” Spangles leaned back into the couch cushions again, watching. Coulson’s little interrogation speech was all business and all that perfect snark Tony missed dearly. Then the agent got a call and stepped out through the sliding door, closing it behind him. The reflection that appeared had Cap sitting forward at almost the same instant as Tony. “Loki. Only he’s dressed as a human.”

Tony listened to the lies fall from the Trickster’s lips, watched his solemn face as he told them, the same face he kept as he turned away when all was done. “What the hell was that?” He stared as Loki tried futilely to claim Mjolnir. “Just what the hell.”

“Not sure.” Cap rubbed at his chin. “I suppose the bit with the hammer was a long shot that maybe since Thor wasn’t worthy anymore, Loki might be? But obviously Odin doesn’t think so.”

They watched a bit more of Thor-mility in action. The big guy really did take a beating, Tony supposed, but it was deserved. And it turned out okay. Little wisdom to go with the brute force, courtesy of Erik Selvig. The Point Break they knew was starting to form.

“Woah. Loki went back to Jotunheim alone?” Cap sat up again. “That’s weird. Heck, that’s suicidal. He’s really messed up right now, isn’t he? What on earth would he be doing there?”

“I have no—” Tony panicked slightly as JARVIS paused the video and minimized the screen at the knock on the door. Crap, crap, crap! He needed to know what was going on. If Cap’s big eyes were anything to go by, he shared the feeling. “It’s been an hour?”

“A little over.” Icepop looked at JARVIS’ case with more longing than he’d ever turned on a girl. _And how sad is that?_ Tony really needed to set the big guy up on a date. Or find him a hooker. Maybe if he got some to dress up like the Andrews Sisters, or Betty Grable, or something. As soon as they got this mess with Loki sorted out. Which they couldn’t do if they had to stop collecting important data so they could sit at some boring dinner! Christ.

A near-faceless guard bowed. “The queen sends her apologies and asks your indulgence. There is a small matter to which the king must attend and so it shall be another hour before you and your companions will be called to attend him again.”

If Tony hadn’t been so freaking grateful for the delay, he’d have been pissed off at the condescension in the guy’s tone, but right now, who the fuck cared. “Right. Great! Indulgence granted and all that. Come get us in another hour then.” He grinned at the guard. “What’s the problem? Hurry back and let Her Majesty know everything’s fine. You know— _¡Ándele! ¡Ándele! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba! ¡Epa! ¡Epa!_ Move it along.”

Steve’s grin held a heap of relief. “What’s that you always say about Karma being a…being not nice to you? I think you might owe her an apology.”

“Yeah. Today I do. Or maybe Luck. Luck is usually good to me.” Tony poured another shot of whatever it was they were drinking for both of them. “Pull the movie back up J. Do you see what I’m seeing? I mean, looking at this both as a piece of entertainment and as what really happened before Loki went all Hitler on us, there are a lot of things that aren’t adding up. If Rock of Ages is supposed to be the bad guy, how come it looks like he’s half-killing himself to take care of the motherland? Yeah, he’s making some iffy decisions, but that’s what happens when you put a teenager on the throne and don’t give him any sort of a support system. Where’s his mom? Shouldn’t she be lending him some advice at least?”

“You’d think so. They don’t show him going back to her for advice or anything, but I guess in a society like that, that’d be considered a sign of weakness. He’s on his own, and no one’s giving him a chance.” Steve frowned at the screen as Loki parlayed with the King of the Frost Giants—Laufey. Loki’s biological father. “You know, I have to say, if he’s going where I _think_ he’s going with this strategy...mental break or not, it’s brilliant. If he’s not actually setting up Odin to get murdered. I’m not convinced he is. There’s something else in play.”

Tony nodded. “Let face it. At this level of government, assassinations aren’t exactly unheard of. Not like SHIELD doesn’t consider it standard protocol.” He shrugged. “I never ask where Clint and Natasha go when they get sent on a mission. I’m just surprised Laufey hasn’t already been taken care of, since he’s so big a threat.” He snorted. “Maybe Loki’s really as smart as he keeps saying he is.”

“Starting to look that way.” Cap grimaced into his drink. “And that Heimdall guy really doesn’t like not knowing what’s going on. If Loki is running a scam of some sort on Laufey, it’d make sense to keep it hidden. Anyone listening to them would automatically assume it’s treason. Or it seems they already have, where Loki’s concerned. He’s a prince of Asgard just like Thor is, but it sure doesn’t look like anybody ever treated him as such.”

“It’s complicated. That’s for sure.” Tony rolled his eyes as the movie returned to Thor and Jane’s romance. “Oh dear God, spare me. Why do movies always have to have this relationship crap in them? Ugh! I especially don’t want to see my friends’ romances.”

“I shall edit the Captain America and Hulk features prior to your viewing. And I will be sure to issue warnings for the Iron Man movies. I am sure your colleagues feel the same.” JARVIS sounded all too smug.

“Wait, what? We have movies? Excellent. And Cap got a girl? Spangles, you’ve been holding out on me. I’m so proud of you.” Tony grinned at Steve as Thor explained the World Tree to Jane.

Steve’s face went bright red. “She was special. And it was one kiss. You’ll be bored out of your skull, I’m sure. Let’s get back to this one. There’s Sif and the warriors again.”

Tony listened, appalled, at the list of Fatty Arbuckles’ latest meal. “Okay, he has to be the God of Gluttony, right? Jesus Christ. How does he even move, much less fight? I’m all for Loki dropping him off that rainbow bridge. He’s annoying. JARVIS, put him on my list of people who don’t get Christmas cards.” The warriors and Xena plotted sedition, soon aided by Heimdall. “Yeah. Add Jackie Chan to that list, too. And the gold armor dude. He’s getting on my nerves.”

“Bringing Thor back at this point is a mistake, anyway. He’s no more ready for leadership, even if he’d defy his mother’s putting Loki on the throne, than he was before. He’s getting there, but…uh-oh.” If the ominous music wasn’t enough warning, the sight of Loki calling the Destroyer out of the wall of the weapons vault clinched it.

_“Ensure my brother does not return. Destroy everything.”_

“Tony, look at his face. His eyes.” Cap gestured at the screen. “He’s snapped. Between the news and the sudden kingship and all, the treason was the last straw. He’s running on pure rage.”

Tony shook his head. “No, he’s running on terror. He’s desperate and afraid. Absolutely terrified. Poor kid. Loki, Jesus. Don’t do this, babe. This is not what you really want to do.” He addressed the boy on the screen, knowing it was too late, that everything was said and done years ago. “You’ve held it together so well; I hate seeing you fall apart now.” He looked at Cap. “I think I’m starting to understand all those people who were cheering for him, you know?”

“Yeah. And you’re right. I misread it.” Steve gestured to the screen. “They found him. And he’s about to find out Loki lied to him. I can’t see that ending well.”

“Family fights never do. Oh, it’s Golden Eye. You know, the kid really is smarter than everyone here. He can go anywhere when everyone else needs the Whirling Teacup Ride. Damn.” Tony gasped when Loki whipped out the Blue Box of Winter and froze Golden Britches in place. “That was slick. You have to admit, that was slick. Though, not sure about wearing that shade of green when you turn blue. Maybe something more pine. Yeah, definitely a darker pine green.”

“Thanks for the fashion tip.” Steve apparently had been watching Tony more than the screen when Coulson confronted the Destroyer. “He really was as close to a real friend as you get, wasn’t he?” Lot of understanding going on in that clear tenor voice. “I didn’t know him long enough to really form any sort of a friendship, but I still miss him. Must be different for you.”

“Agent was okay.” Tony couldn’t go beyond that. Not yet. Maybe not ever. “Though I think it might have been trying to steal my girl. Actually, I think he might have been succeeding. Oh, Thor’s being more the guy we know now.” They watched the metal behemoth take on the Asgardians after walking right through SHIELD. Tony scrunched up his face in thought. “Ahm. Okay. Either that thing has the worst aim in the cosmos, or it isn’t really trying. It’s had tons of chances to off all of them but he keeps missing or giving them chances to get away.”

“That is sort of interesting, given Loki told it to destroy everything. But he didn’t say ‘kill my brother and the traitors.’ Actually, he didn’t say to _kill_ anyone. That’s very interesting. Loki’s too good an orator to make that mistake.” Steve snorted as Sif’s little triumphant smirk turned to shock as the Destroyer fired back up. “You know, I hate to speak ill of a lady, but if that’s all it took, Odin would never have had it guarding that casket thing. She’s a little too sure of herself.”

Tony nodded. “It makes you wonder. Destroy everything versus kill everyone. Make sure my brother doesn’t come back versus kill Thor. I wish we knew what was going on under all that slicked-back hair. Not that we don’t know Loki can be a murderous little shit, because he can. But it still makes you wonder.”

“They ticked it off, that’s for sure. It wasn’t trying to kill until they attacked it. But it’s still aiming only for them. I suppose I can’t blame Loki for that. They’ve dealt nothing but treachery all along.” Cap got up and moved to the back of the sofa, pacing as he watched things explode. He stopped when Thor approached Jackie Chan and the Power Rangers. “Wait. Stop Loki from doing what on Asgard? There’s no indication at all he’s _doing_ anything on Asgard. It’s all right here on Earth.”

“You’re expecting logic from those five? Really?” Spangles was losing it. “I figure if you took their brains out, smashed them together, and put them back into one skull, you might have enough to make up Johnny Storm. It’s pathetic.”

Thor had apparently had enough. He shooed the others back as far as they could get, then tossed Sif’s shield aside and walked unarmed toward the Destroyer like something out of an old Western. Only he wasn’t gunning. Instead, soft words…

_“Brother, whatever I have done to wrong you, whatever I have done to lead you to do this, I am truly sorry. But these people are innocent. Taking their lives will gain you nothing. So take mine, and end this.”_

“It’s not _about_ you, Thor! You still don’t get it!” Okay, Spangles yelling at a movie was just too funny on a couple of levels.

“I wonder if he does now. He seems...I don’t know. I don’t know if there is a word for how he is when we mention Loki.” Tony watched the exchange between the Destroyer under the control of Loki and Thor. “Okay. What was that? Why slap Thor into his next life when you could blast him into oblivion? Loki’s like Fury; his secret plans have secret plans. He’s all schemes inside of schemes. This isn’t making sense.”

“If we weren’t looking at this as real, I’d guess it was to give Thor’s lady a chance to say goodbye the only way the writers could come up with. But that is strange. As a mortal, Thor would never have survived that flame.” Steve raked a hand through his hair as he paced. “Maybe there was still a little affection left after all? He just couldn’t bring himself to torch his own brother? Or is it the opposite? The torch wasn’t personal enough?”

“Back to really wishing I knew what went on in Loki’s head. At least it got a tear from—Whoa. Okay. So rising from the dead is not that big a deal for Asgardians. Notice no one seems really shocked, just happy. Yeah, this bunch is definitely not from Kansas.” Gods. They kept saying it. Maybe there was a little bit of something factual there. “And let the ass-kicking commence. Oh, via tornado. That’s...different.”

“Fury said they leveled the town. That would do it, all right.” Steve stopped mid-pace, turning fast enough Tony heard the polished stone squeak. “Tony. What if Loki _wasn’t_ trying to kill Thor? This might sound like a long shot, but he had to have known, just like we did, that he could have torched Thor into ashes. What if he _wanted_ Thor to have his power back?”

Plans within plans. “Then he really got a raw deal.” Tony sighed. “Destroyer looked sort of depressed as it walked away, thinking Thor was dead, didn’t it? Loki wasn’t doing a booty shake. This whole thing is crazy. Notice Fury lied? That town wasn’t flattened. The damage was limited to maybe three blocks. And the only ones hurt that I saw were the Asgardians. Now, granted, that is likely because Thor and the Scooby Gang evacuated everyone. But Loki didn’t go hunting to hurt people, either. He’s not bloodthirsty.” Tony sat up a little straighter. “Ooo. It’s the smurfs again. Is it my imagination, or are they getting shorter each time they show up?”

Steve chuckled. “Yeah, they are.”

The Smurf king himself. Interesting. Loki had played it up perfectly to Laufey’s sense of vengeance. A posse of assassins would have been just as effective, but Loki made sure Laufey himself would be in residence. _Of course, that’s also technically his real dad, but considering he’d been brought up to hate and fear the Frosties, not really surprised at the lack of warm fuzzies. You are one brilliant strategist, RG. You really are._ And Goldy-Pants still frozen at the gate didn’t have a clue.

“I swear, Thor does clueless like nobody else. Lost and confused sort of become him.” Tony watched as Thunder Britches pounded on a locked door. “Seriously, he’s been hit on the head too many times. Like those football players, you know. Permanent brain damage. I love the guy, but really.” Golden Eyes shattered his ice coat and wasted his guards as Tony spoke. “And that is not good for Reindeer Games. Oh my God, really. We have to stop for fond farewells? A hand kiss? What the hell? How old are you, Thor? Eight? Thank you, Dr. Foster. You have upheld the honor of human women across the planet.” He glanced at a red-cheeked Cap. “Hey, I was starting to worry. I mean, my God! What a wimp.”

“Just watch the film.” Oh, from the quick-change of subject, Tony really wanted to watch the unedited version of Cap’s story now. There could be teasing material to last for years. “There’s Laufey breaking in to Odin’s chamber. Man, for a society where lady soldiers are the rare exception, Queen Frigga’s really good. Even if she only got the one shot in.”

“Yeah. She swings a mean sword. Want to bet part of the deal included the smurfs not killing her, though?” It was purely rhetorical. There was no way Loki put his mom in danger. He shook his head as Laufey died. “Just like we figured. Loki planned a neat little assassination. Only it wasn’t; it was a high level sting operation. King Blueberry took the bait. Jesus, Loki, it was brilliant. Take out a threat to his kingdom, his dad, and cement his loyalty all at the same time. It’s also about as sad as anything I’ve ever seen. That was his biological father. Loki was willing to go that far to prove himself.”

“I wonder if it had some deep psychological ties, too. Remember when Loki first found out he was Laufey’s son? ‘I am the monster that parents tell their children about?’ It might have been as much about killing the monster inside himself as it was the actual enemy.” Steve raised a brow at the look Tony gave him. “What? I read. It wasn’t just physical, you know.”

“I told you; this is the AU where you’re smart.” Tony sighed as Thor had an anger management moment. “Look at that. He’s honestly terrified of Thor. But, I have no doubt you’re right. He grew up being told the blueberries were vampire nazi cannibals. Suddenly he finds out he is one. How’d you feel if you found out you were Hitler’s son?”

“I’d probably be doing exactly what Loki is. I’d want to erase any shade of that association I possibly could.” A shiver ran across Cap’s broad shoulders. “It’d...eat at me, like something alive inside my gut. Yeah, I get it perfectly.” He glanced up at the screen, shaking off the nightmarish scenario. “Wait. How come he’s just taking all that from Thor? Why doesn’t he explain it to his mother? There’s more to it than what Thor’s saying.”

“Don’t think Thor’s in the mood to listen and don’t think Loki’s in the mood to explain. Destroy...Loki, no. He’s lost it. He’s really lost it.” Tony watched, hopeless, as Thor was blasted through a wall and Loki raced for the Bifrost. “What you said before about it not ending well is about to happen, I think.”

“That’s why he tried to keep Thor out of Asgard.” Steve’s expression was just as bleak as the hole in Tony’s gut. “At least until this was done. No one will believe him over Thor. He’ll be branded a traitor of the worst sort. And yeah, he’s gone. He’s got nothing left.”

“He’s snapped. Complete mental break. Of course, he’s doing the same thing Thor did, just on a grander scale. He doesn’t see the Frost Giants as people. But then, he’s never been taught to do that. Thor didn’t see them that way either. Not until now.”

The exchange that followed nearly broke Tony’s heart.

_“You can’t kill an entire race.”_

_“Why not?”_ Loki laughed, a soft, sad breath. _“And what is this new-found love for the Frost Giants? You...you could have killed them all with your bare hands.”_

Thor stared, no doubt trying to figure out what was going on. _“I’ve changed.”_

 _“So have I.”_ The blow caught Thor across the face. _“Now fight me.”_

“Loki could have killed Thor right there. That could just as easily have been a slice to his throat. Or that one.” Steve grimaced as Thor slid across the floor. “He doesn’t really want Thor dead, does he.” It wasn’t a question.

 _“I never wanted the throne!”_ The words sounded like they were ripped from Loki’s soul, his voice holding more tears than rage. _“I only ever wanted to be your equal.”_

Confusion really did work for Point Break. Thor obviously could not understand what had happened while he was stuck on Earth. Still, that loyalty held strong. A true tragedy Loki was too far gone to see it. _“I will not fight you, brother!”_

_“I’m not your brother. I never was.”_

Oh God. “There it is. Look at his face. That’s what this is all about. Damn it, Loki.” Tony’s chest hurt.

 _“Loki, this is madness!”_ Thor had no idea how right he was.

_“Is it madness? Is it? Is it!”_

“Yeah. It is. Oh Loki. Look at him. He’s crying. Those are tears in his eyes.” Tony’s heart broke for the guy who would toss him out a window. “I don’t know if I can keep watching this.”

The tears trickled down Loki’s cheeks as he ground out trembling words designed for one purpose and one purpose only: to goad a god into lethal action.

 _“Come on, what happened to you on Earth that turned you so soft? Don’t tell me it was that woman. Oh...it was.”_ The tears became a stream, the pain in the words so evident. _“Well, maybe, when we’re finished here, I’ll pay her a visit myself!”_

The roar of rage should have been expected, Tony supposed. “I love Thor, I really do. But he’s a moron. How can he not see that Loki is goading him on purpose? Though, I have to say, for a dude out of his mind—literally—with grief and anger, Loki holds his own pretty well.”

“He’d have to give it his all.” Cap’s voice was quiet, his eyes still on the screen. “If he doesn’t keep Thor convinced it’s a real battle, he can’t get Thor to kill him. That’s what he wants. But I don’t see him doing a lot of real damage to Thor.” Steve winced as Thor elbowed Loki right in the nose and then tossed him across the width of the portal room. “He’s taking a hell of a lot more than he’s dishing out.”

“Well, he stood up to all we dished out until we sicced the Hulk on him. He’s a tough guy. He just looks like an elf prince.” Then they both slammed through a wall and Loki ended up dangling from the bridge. “Shit.”

 _“Thor!”_ Wide green eyes pleaded up from the edge of oblivion. _“Brother, please…”_

Not surprising, Thor kneeling down and reaching for Loki’s hand. Then the dangling Loki vanished and a new one attacked from behind, poking Thor with that magic scepter-thing enough the Thunder god went down. Suddenly there were about a hundred Lokis blinking in and out, all laughing maniacally. Wow. Master magician was looking like Understatement of the Year.

“I bet Lokes pulled that on him a million times when they were kids.” Tony wanted to cry. Really. Just put his head down and cry.

 _“Enough!”_ The illusions shattered, they and Loki victims of the hammer. Loki just lay on the bridge, panting, wild-eyed. Expecting the end. Thor stared down and rested Mjolnir on Loki’s chest, leaving Loki to fight to remove the hammer as Thor struggled back to the overloading portal.

Tony blew out a breath. “Okay. That went better than it could have.”

Fratricide disappointingly averted, so it appeared, Loki gave it one last shot, breathing heavily with that unmovable weight sitting on his lungs. _“Look at you. The mighty Thor. With all your strength…and what good does it do you now, huh!? Do you hear me, brother? There’s nothing you can do!”_ The sudden flight of the hammer into Thor’s hand and the immense _crack!_ of Mjolnir impacting the bridge left Loki’s expression one of shock. _“What are you doing?”_

Tony managed to half-roll his eyes as Odin’s eye popped open. “Oh, now he decides to rejoin the world.” The bridge cracked under the power of Thor.

Loki worked his way to his knees. _“If you destroy the bridge, you’ll never see her again!”_ He struggled to his feet and ran toward Thor.

“Words really are his best weapon. But I don’t think they’re working for him this time.”

Loki had that figured out, too. That gold scepter-spear back in his hand, he leapt high, aiming for Thor, determined to finish what he’d started.

 _“Forgive me, Jane.”_ Mjolnir impacted one last time and the Bifrost shattered, the shockwave sending a tsunami in both directions and catapulting the brothers high up into the Asgardian night sky. The portal shuddered, breaking into pieces as the beam shut down and the whole shebang toppled off the edge of the world into space below.

The brothers soared into the air, Loki’s helmet flying off. His scream cut off as Thor grabbed the staff Loki still clutched and Odin grasped Thor’s ankle. How the old man got there so quick, Tony had no clue, but if he hadn’t, the boys would be sailing into space. As it was, Loki dangled over a whole lot of nothing with only his father’s scepter to keep him safe. “Damn. He looks all of ten years old. Fucking hell, Lokes.” Tony’s eyes stung.

 _“I could have done it, Father!”_ Voice cracking, eyes begging for acceptance, for understanding. _“I could have done it.”_ Loki’s voice trailed off a little as he stared up into an emotionless face. _“For you.”_ And a little softer, a little more desperate. _“For all of us.”_

“Oh, God…” Steve’s voice wasn’t much louder.

_“No, Loki.”_

There was actual heartbreak, right there on the screen. All over Loki’s face. Tony wasn’t the only one who saw it, who knew what was coming. Thor had fear in his eyes. _“Loki, no…”_

Long pale fingers uncurled from the staff. Face blank with unimaginable pain, Loki just let go. Tony didn’t even bother to stop the sob.

_“No...”_

“Oh, _now_ he shows some actual feeling.” Spangles scrubbed at the side of his face as Loki plummeted into the vortex still open from the Bifrost, Odin staring after him with the first sign of any sort of pain or remorse. The vortex closed, leaving nothing but stars and nebulae, no indication at all of the chaos which had just taken place. As if Loki had never existed at all.

Tony sat, sort of numb as the scene shifted to sunset in New Mexico. “Can I put on the God Killer suit and kick Odin’s ass? Because I really want to do that right now. I mean, I know Loki laid waste to New York, but I’m thinking maybe we’re missing some pieces of that, too. So right now, I want to pound on the Scooby Gang and Old One-Eye. And maybe Thor. Just a little.”

“Look at that.” Steve flung a hand in the general direction of the screen, disgust clear on his face. “They just lost one of their princes, and they’re laughing it up and telling war stories of the whole thing. Thor’s the only one not in on it.” Woah, that was an actual growl out of Spangles as Sif sidled up to the queen, all sorry-for-your-loss and shit. “Like she’s actually sorry. She started all this.”

“Yeah. She’s on my list of asses to kick.” Tony snarled at Xena’s image. “Really? You’re going to make this about leaving Thor’s girlfriend behind? Oh great. There’s the old man. I really don’t like him.” The ensuing conversation really made Tony want to break something. “A good father! What? No. Just no. Just...I can’t. Steve!”

“Yeah. Thor’s kinda brainwashed where his dad’s concerned.” Steve looked a tad green around the gills as Odin expressed his pride in Thor. “When did he ever say anything like that to Loki, I want to know.” They watched Thor walk out onto the broken bridge, no longer glowing with its rainbow lights. “Oh, look, Heimdall was apparently rewarded for his sedition as well. He’s still on duty.” That level of sarcasm from Cap was new. And not comforting.

It ended with Jane Foster researching her little heart out, trying to find Thor. “Okay, that was not fun.” The end credits rolled, listing actors against spacescapes. The swelling pseudo-classical soundtrack changed to a rock song as the lesser credits appeared on plain black. Not the best song. Not the worst. He sat for a bit, just collecting his thoughts. He took a sip of the drink. “You know, as a movie, I’ve seen better. But as Loki’s life, man, that sucks. Just sucks.” The end cap rolled up.

 _Thor will return in The Avengers_.

“Look at that. We got billing.” Tony snorted and took another drink.

“Hey, what’s this? They stuck a scene in at the very end of the credits?” Steve sat forward on the sofa. “JARVIS, turn it back up.”

Erik Selvig wandered down a dark, cavernous area, looking pretty much lost until a too-familiar voice spoke his name. _Oh, of course. Fury had to get involved._

_“Doctor Selvig.”_

Some lame dialogue followed, a little joke about bringing Selvig down here to kill him and Fury looking like he just might follow through. Then Fury got to the point. Selvig’s work in New Mexico had been noticed and SHIELD wanted in on the fun. Only they had a new piece to the puzzle.

“The Tesseract.” Steve’s jaw tightened at the sight of the cube tucked up nice and cozy in its briefcase. “I really wish your dad had just left it at the bottom of the North Atlantic.”

“You and me both.” Tony owed a lot to the blue cube, but not enough to want it around. “Hey, that’s Loki in the mirror. Pause! J., Pause!” He shouted at his AI as Selvig parroted Loki’s comments and squinted at the face in the shadows. “He looks like hell. Are those bruises? And scars?”

“I think so. Can you have JARVIS clean the image up? Do an analysis?” Steve stared hard at the image. “Because if we’re seeing the same thing, that’s not from the fight with Thor. That’s torture.”

“You know, you can talk to J. directly. He does actually know who you are and speaks Capsicle and everything.” Tony rolled his eyes. “J., my man, what have you got on Rock of Ages? He’s looking a little on the World of Warcraft side there. What’s up with that?”

“Prince Loki’s injuries are not consistent with the blows he received from Thor, sir. As Captain Rogers already stated, correctly, these injuries are laid out in a specific pattern.” J really had a hell of a doom-voice when he put his circuits to it. “And they are not fresh. Given the limited information we have on Thor and on Loki—whom we now know is not Asgardian but in fact Jotun—I would estimate the force needed to damage Loki to that degree would leave Agent Barton, or you without benefit of the suit, dead, sir. Captain Rogers would be in the infirmary for at least a week.”

Tony shivered. “Lovely.” He looked at the bruises and barely healed deep cuts on Loki’s face. “What the hell happened to you, Reindeer Games? I get that falling through space is no carnival ride, but what caused that?”

“I believe the comic book story picks up greater detail than the opening of the Avengers film, sir. Loki came into the notice of a being called Thanos, a Titan. The meeting was not to Loki’s advantage.” A photo popped up of an old-style comic, rather than the new kind with all the watercolor and digital graphics effects. “Of more immediate import are scenes of private moments immediately prior to the events in Stuttgart and New York that you’ll find interesting. It would appear Prince Loki was acting under the orders of another, and under some duress.” A series of clips, clearly showing the Trickster had a metaphysical collar and leash, popped up, playing out before Tony’s astonished eyes.

“That’s...oh, my God, he was being controlled. Threatened. Brainwashed. Listen to the other guy, throwing Loki’s defeat in Asgard back at him.” Steve winced as the alien guy sent Loki back into his own brain on Earth with enough force to decapitate most humans.

“I think we were fighting the wrong guy. Shit.” Tony handed the nearly empty bottle of booze to Steve. “Loki needs a psych ward and a whole crew of therapists, not a jail cell. And we need to know if that other dude is still a threat. This is not good, so very not good. And of top of that, now we have evil elves. Couldn’t they be off causing milk to curdle or shoes to pinch your feet or something? Since when do elves own deathstars and try to take over planets? I need one crisis at a time.”

“That never happens.” Steve finished off the bottle and eyed the shelf of unopened candidates for First Runner-Up in the Next To Be Consumed contest. “We need to figure out how we’re going to handle this. The others need to see this. Well, not Loki’s folks. They know this already. Not the very last part, but what happened while he was here.” Gold brows drew together in a way that promised pain to someone other than the Star Spangled Boy Scout. “They knew all that and they still put him in a cell. This place really is stuck in the Dark Ages.”

“I’m afraid that statement is more true than you realize, Captain Rogers.” JARVIS decided to butt into the conversation again. “My analysis of Loki when we first arrived in the dungeons reveals some further injury you may or may not be familiar with. In the Norse mythology of our Earth, there is an account of Loki wagering with a pair of dwarves to create certain weapons, including Mjolnir, with the stakes being Loki’s head. Loki won the bet through guile—the dwarf could not cut Loki’s neck to take his head, as the neck was not a part of the wager. Brokk, denied full vengeance, decided that since Loki's head was his, he could stop Loki's glib talk. Using an awl, Brokk sewed Loki's lips shut with a leather thong.” The AI paused for at least the appearance of a breath. “It would seem a variation of that act has taken place here in Asgard. This Loki bears those scars, but they are far too recent to have been inflicted near the forging of Mjolnir.”

Crap. Tony had noticed the scars earlier and meant to ask. “Ah, J.? How recent? I mean, did you pick up any sign of those scars when Rudolph was back on Earth?” Cap’s question didn’t need to be asked. “It’s just, well, they seem to have a thing about shutting him up, you know?”

“There was no indication of the scars when Loki returned to Asgard with Thor via the Tesseract, sir. That would indicate the injury was inflicted between that time and when we saw him today. With the level of injury we have witnessed him endure, I would estimate perhaps seven to ten days, Earth time, since the binding was removed. I have not yet taken the proper measurements to compare the passage of Asgardian time to Earth.”

Cap stood and plucked a bottle from the selection, something a poisonous green. He uncapped it and grimaced when he sniffed it. “Not bad. Kinda...minty.” He downed enough to probably kill a normal human and grimaced again. “Yeah. Mint. Want some?”

“Right now it could taste like kerosene and I’d still drink it. God…” Tony couldn’t get those scars out of his head now. The more his mind stared at them, the more fresh they got, until he had a very clear picture of Loki, bound and held in place in that damn dungeon, eyes wide and frightened, bleeding, maybe whimpering, while some burly guard did the deed. _Or...oh, God, if Odin ordered him to...his own brother...would Thor actually do it? Could he?_ That thought made the alcohol he’d already consumed churn in his gut. He took a slug of the green stuff to hopefully keep it down.

Cap had nothing but sympathy plastered all over that pretty-boy face. “I liberated concentration camps.” Tony blinked a couple of times, processing that. “There isn’t a whole lot that people can do to other people that surprises me any more. It just reminds me how horrible some of us are.” He nodded at the bottle in Tony’s hand. “That dulls the initial shock. Sometimes, that’s not a bad thing. Don’t let it dig too deep into your soul, Tony. I’ve seen guys go crazy from that. You do what you can to help, but there’s only so much we can do.”

“We could get him the hell out of the Emerald City here. Somehow.” Tony knocked back another shot. Woah, okay, better go easy on that stuff. He let his body finish its backward tumble into the couch cushions. “Only I don’t know if that’s safe, either. He’s messed up, that’s for sure. With his power, messed up could equal Seriously Not Good.” The ornate ceiling blurred into a rather nice watercolor abstract.  Or maybe more impressionism.  Sorta Monet.

“Released into our custody.” Cap sounded amazingly steady. “We’ll figure it out.” He took the bottle back. “This is pretty decent. I actually feel a little bit of a buzz.” He gestured to the shelf. “Maybe I should try—”

A knock and the entrance of Faceless Guard #2—Tony only knew it was a different one because his hair was red—with the glad tidings that the Allfather was done playing footsie with whomever and was ready to ring the dinner bell. Tony rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. On our way.”

A broad hand hauled Tony to his feet, Cap’s strength letting Tony find his footing with a little grace and without falling into the big fire-pit. “Come on. You need to eat something to offset all that liquor. We’ll take care of the rest afterward. JARVIS, can you whip up a condensed version we can show the others when we get back? Skip over the romance parts so Tony doesn’t get ill, okay?”

“Of course, Captain. It shall be my pleasure. I’ll continue researching for any other pertinent information.” J. sounded calm, at least. And pleased with himself.

 


	5. Klaatu barada—*cough, cough, cough*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL, I take no credit whatsoever for the chapter titles - that's all T.D. McKinney. But it sounds so much like something Tony would title his journal entries or whatever, it's perfect. 
> 
> Momentary shameless plug -- only once, I promise. If you like our fics, try our published stuff. We write both gay romance (that's romance, not erotica - think N Roberts level) and mainstream -- all can be found at tdmckinney dot com.
> 
> Enjoy!  
> Terry Wylis

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Tony barely had time to call his AI a smug bastard before Cap dragged him away, following Faceless down endless, way-too-shiny corridors. “This place is just overly gaudy. And I know whereof I speak. I mean, if it’s too gaudy for me, what does that tell you? You know, there’s a limit to how much gold you should use in your architecture. They barrelled right past that like one of my formula racers. Never tell me I’m over the top again. Compared to this place, I’m a fucking Puritan.”

“Yeah, it sort of makes your tower look like my apartment.” Steve grinned as Bruce joined them, Jolly Green’s brows on the high ceiling after a look at Tony. “He found the liquor cabinet. Nothing new. He promised me he’d stick with water during dinner.”

“No, no, no. _You_ found the liquor cabinet. And you’ve drank four or five times as much as I have. So don’t going making prissy faces at me, Captain Apple Pie. In fact, who have a fresh bottle of Asgardian Peppermint Schnapps in his fist?” Tony pointed at a certain overly pretty blond who should not be as steady on his feet as he was. “That shit is nasty, by the way. It tastes like mouthwash mixed with jet fuel.”

“Considering he sounds normal and you sound tanked to the gills, why don’t I just hold on to the fresh bottle so nobody gets ahead of anybody else.” Bruce shook his head as they were escorted into yet another concert hall. “They sure don’t do small around here. Even the Other Guy would look like a shrimp.”

“Yeah. Sort of like Evans Field around every corner.” Steve moved the bottle out of Bruce’s reach. “It’s okay, doc. Promise.” Deep tones vibrated against Tony’s ear. “Besides, I may need it to keep from punching out Odin or Thor. I may not be able to take Thor out, but I know I can at least dent him a little.”

Tony used a finger to indicate his complete agreement with that sentiment. “I bet JARVIS could think of something to help. He’s been real thinky lately. Annoyingly so. And I think he likes you. We need to talk about that, by the way. What are your intentions towards my son, Captain?”

Steve rolled his eyes at the renewed brow-dance taking place on Banner’s face. “You’re the one who told me to talk to him...it...him. It’s your own fault if...JARVIS...is transferring affection.” Focus swung toward Black Widow as she and Clint joined them. “They behave themselves?” Tony noticed there was no sharing of information that the surveillance had been double-layered.

Bruce’s lips twitched. “I don’t think they’re the ones you need to worry about.” He clarified for Nat and Clint. “Tony’s wasted on whatever Steve’s now drinking, and Steve’s started an affair with JARVIS. They are both, apparently, plotting Thor’s demise.”

“Damn straight!” Tony made a move for the bottle but Steve was just a little too fast. “You’re not gaining points with your future father-in-law, Spangles.”

Natasha raised a brow, rolled her eyes, then favored Cap with Business Face. “Aside from Loki being totally shocked Odin was actually intending to let him out of the cell to help us, nothing unexpected. Though this guy really has a thing for humiliation. His idea of binding Loki’s magic is a very big, very obvious, very literal leash, complete with collar. I wouldn’t be surprised if we find Loki tied to either his chair or Odin’s.”

The muscles along Steve’s jaw twitched multiple times and Tony swore he heard the glass in the neck of the liquor bottle squeal as the molecules were compacted together. Then Captain Righteous downed about half the contents. He screwed up his face for a good thirty seconds afterwards before holding it out to Tony. “Just one very small shot. Just one. But after that visual, you need it. Because you have that look like you’re gonna go put on the suit.”

“Holy shit, Cap.” Barton sounded like he’d swallowed his gum. “Since when do you go on a bender? I mean, we’re used to it from Tony, but shit…”

“I promise to explain everything as soon as this meal thing is over. Tony and I have found out some things that are more than disturbing.” Cap sounded remarkably sober and remarkably unhappy about it. He also took the booze away before Tony could manage more than a taste. Controlling bastard. “I...this is…” He took a minute to compose himself and drop his voice to a whisper. “Loki was tortured and probably mind-controlled just like you were, Clint. He was forced to do what he did on Earth. He wasn’t in his right mind. He’s not necessarily well now. He hasn’t been. Not for a long time. And it doesn’t look like his family is making any allowance for that. So I’m sort of upset. Tony’s upset.” He switched to a more normal tone. “We’ll show you the proof when this shindig is over. JARVIS is getting it all together. But we have to get through this whoop-de-doo first.”

Conversation screeched to a halt just then, as Thor and his mother approached. Frigga spread her arms wide, gesturing them to a long table pretty much creaking under the weight of a full-blown feast. “Please, be comfortable.”

Tony did a quick scan, finding Loki and thanking whatever passed for luck around here that the guy wasn’t chained or tied down. The collar, a big-ass silver thing, was bad enough. Much more and Cap might have gone all _Pulp Fiction_ on someone’s ass. Tony plopped down next to the Trickster while Spangles snagged the spot across the table from him. That worked. Shelter on two fronts at least. Tony eyed the cup in front of Loki. It looked like water. “Hey, IcePop. Make with the sharing of the good booze. Loki is drinking I-don’t-know-what. But it looks boring.”

Eyes the color of glacial ice and just about as warm settled on him, wary under the veil of disdain. Not the greatest of veils, either. Man, the kid was a train wreck.

Fortunately, Cap didn’t give him a chance to answer, just flipped over another goblet from the seriously overdone table settings and poured the minty stuff. “Bottoms up, or whatever the phrase is around here.”

Loki took the gold—naturally—goblet with a good dose of care, sniffing the contents. Cap rolled his baby blues and took a swig from the bottle in an obvious bid to prove it wasn’t poisoned.

Tony couldn’t help but giggle at the face Loki pulled. “Hey, don’t sweat it. That shit is strong enough to kill _any_ germ. I promise you. I’d have some myself, but Cap’s cut me off. Said I’ve had enough. He’s like that. He’s lacking a gene for fun or something.”

Those wary eyes shifted down the length of the table, taking in both Asgardian and human. “He would fit in quite well here.” Oh, that was pure fear Daddy might have overheard, were Odin not engaged in a more animated conversation than Tony would have figured Bruce could pull out of the old guy.

Spangles was getting the eyeroll down pat. “All I said was you ought to eat something along with it. And you don’t like this stuff anyway.” A frown graced that full mouth as a server set a plate in front of Odin, Frigga and Thor, then skipped over Loki and served Steve next. “Excuse me. It’s my understanding the royal family is served first. Far as I know, Loki’s still a prince here.”

Tony pointed an index finger at Cap. “You and that alternate universe.” He reached across the table and picked up Cap’s plate, carefully maneuvering it across what looked to be half a pig, and set it in front of Loki. He leaned a bit to confide in the Trickster. “We’re gonna have to keep an eye on the Frozen Wonder. He’s gotten smart all of a sudden. It’s scary.” Tony straightened and cleared his throat. “Prince Loki, all taken care of.”

Oh, the handful of scowls from the Asgardian peanut gallery could have drawn blood. But the smile Frigga turned them could have melted the Ice Smurfs in the movie all on its own. And Thor’s glance held some warm fuzzies along with the perpetual trace of bewilderment.

Loki sniffed the goblet Cap had filled again. “I take it Iron Man has freely partaken of this strong elven brew. You are wise to limit it. Only those with the strongest head may take it freely.” Loki took a long draught. “I always favored it.” He grinned, all wolf’s teeth and challenge. “Tell me, Captain, does he ever address you by name? Does he even remember it, or does he just continually create new ones? How many is it now?”

“I quit counting after about twenty.” Cap’s nearly matching grin lit the immediate area. “And no, I don’t think he ever has called me by my given name. Closest he got was ‘Rogers,’ and that was followed up by an insult.”

That actually drew a millisecond laugh from Loki. “Ah, so the terms he uses for me are endearments, then.” Razor green eyes turned on Tony. Damn, he was not sober enough for those. “I’d no idea you looked upon me with such fondness, mortal.”

Cap refilled both their goblets, rare laughter in his tone as well. “I can’t say I’m surprised. Tony’s as close to a god of mischief as anybody else we’ve got on Earth.” He took a drink and toyed with a piece of flatbread as he spoke again. “So is this all of Asgard? I mean, is it all city? I saw a few mountains off on the horizon and then it was all sky beyond.”

Loki lifted his goblet with a much smaller sniff of the contents this time. “Asgard is much—”

“It’s a far broader land than merely this city, though the city is a wondrous place to be sure.” Warrior Princess Barbie cut across Loki’s answer like he wasn’t even there. He glared daggers and possibly WMD at her for a minute before giving it up and just staring at his food.

Ooh, looked like Cap had some Frost Giant blood in him, too. That glance should have frozen Xena solid. “Excuse me. I asked Loki. And you interrupted him. Where I come from, that’s rude.”

Tony snorted and helped himself to some of the roast on the carving board. _I saw that gleam in your eye, sweetpea. Yeah, you just blew any and every chance of nailing Captain Virtuous tonight. Even if he’d have gone for it in the first place._

Steve turned back to Loki, all courtesy. “I’m so sorry. You were saying?”

Twinkle Horns, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to decide if he should check under his chair for a bomb or ask Cap for a nightcap...alone. He seemed to be leaning toward the bomb check, though. “As Sif pointed out, in her usual fashion, the capital is but one part of Asgard. There are forests, mountains, farmlands, all dotted with much smaller towns and villages. It has not the breadth nor diversity of Midgard, but it has majesty such as you will find nowhere else.”

“I can believe that. The sky alone is incredible.” Damn, Spangles was good; Sif tried to butt in again and not only did Steve silence her with another glare, he actually shifted so his shoulder was between her and Loki, essentially turning his back on her. “I wanted to ask you something, since I know you know something about the Tesseract. _Was_ that this sky I saw when Schmidt...activated it, I guess? Does it always center back here?”

A smile played about Loki’s very mobile mouth. “In all probability. The Tesseract has a mind of her own. She often dreams of home and tends to dwell upon the notion of it. It takes great will to turn her attention elsewhere.” Tony got the feeling Loki wasn’t exactly boasting about having the will to control the Rubik’s Cube of Eternity. “If she opened a pathway of her own accord, I would wager it led here.”

They chatted some more, mostly about Asgard and the other planets of the World Tree or whatever they called it around here. Cap did ask Sif a couple of questions directly, but any time she tried to butt in on Loki, she got the death-glare and about five minutes of rock-solid cold shoulder. Tony hid a smirk behind a cup of something he’d been assured wasn’t elven-brewed. _Keep it up, Cap, and JARVIS is gonna have competition…_ But damn, it was incredible to see Loki smile for real.

But all good things had to come to an end, and eventually Odin signaled for the food to be cleared away. “My warriors, honored guests, it is time we spoke of the danger which brings us together.” He zeroed in on the Asgardians. “A prophecy has been revealed, one which leads us to believe Malekith has woken from his long sleep to rise in power again and threaten both Midgard and Asgard. It is my belief, shared by those who have seen the vision of this grim future, that Loki is our greatest hope for victory and, indeed, for survival.” One cold blue eye fastened on the junior prince. “I thank him for agreeing to aid us in our time of need.”

More than one dirty look hit Loki from Dark Goldilocks and the Three Pumped-Up Teddy Bears, but the guys didn’t say anything. Probably knew better than to start trouble in front of One-Eye. Xena, on the other hand, seemed to think she had to comment on everything. “Allfather, with respect, how can we trust the safety of our realm and that of Midgard to one who has already tried to take unlawful power in both?”

“All power is unlawful, dear Sif, until you hold it.” Loki leaned back, all ease and nonchalance, wine goblet loose in his grasp. “It becomes lawful once it is yours.”

Tony couldn’t exactly argue with that logic. He’d seen it play out way too many times. “Point.”

“Yeah, and he was handed it here, so shut up.” Ooh, yeah, she was so not on Cap’s A-list. More like shit list. The comment stayed really low, aimed away from Xena and into his drink, but Tony watched Loki’s eyes shoot wide, probably wondering how the hell Spangles knew that.

“So, that being said, and me being the most intelligent person in the room, I thought we should ask Loki’s opinion on this Grand Moff Malekith and his Death Star and what we good little Jedi could do about it.” Tony grinned at Xena and her Merry Men as they glowered. “Hey, like I said, genius. When you have enough brains you don’t have to rely on brawn, at all. When you can, in point of fact, _build_ your own brawn, using your brains, then you have the responsibility to step up and provide intelligent direction to those who might not quite be up to your level.” He grinned. “This is me being responsible.” He fluttered his lashes at Loki. “So, being the second most intelligent person in the room, possibly maybe even level with me in a lot of areas, what’s your take on this, Anakin?”

After a totally bewildered glance at Spangles, who just rolled his eyes and waved it off with a grin, Loki took in his Adopt-o-Dad glowering, his mom hiding a smile, Thor sitting there looking to catch flies in his mouth, and Jolly Green down the table a bit in full facepalm mode. The same sort of little delighted smile the other Loki in Fangirl Land wore as the room went nuts for him lit this one’s face, just a bit. Then he sobered. “The Dark Elf Lord wishes power. And vengeance. I would advise we allow him to attain neither. _If_ the film is indeed prophecy, then we have an enemy like none other.” Bright teal eyes settled on Tony. “A being with the intelligence of Iron Man, the stratagem of Captain America, the battle skills of your assassins and our warriors, the rage of the Hulk, and elven magic at his command. And that is as I knew him long ago.”

Odin nodded his agreement. “Malekith possesses both great power and great cunning. As Loki says, he is a formidable enemy. More importantly, he has no mercy, only a hunger for power and control. He wishes to rule, not to advance his people but to advance himself. He would return the Nine to the Darkness which existed before they were formed. He pretends he embraces Chaos, but it isn’t. It is Destruction. He would grind any he conquers under an a fist of cold stone.”

“Sounds like just loads of fun.” Hawkeye twirled whatever he was drinking in its goblet. “Don’t suppose he’s got any weaknesses?”

“He is Fae, and so has that race’s hereditary weakness to iron.” Loki’s gaze slid to Clint for only an instant before it darted away. “His own magic is also weak against that metal. At one time, he had sorcerers from other realms cast wards so he would be immune to the bite of iron. But they could only do so much. There is also the matter of how far he would trust another magic user. A true ward places the one to be protected in a very vulnerable position during the casting of the ward. I’m not sure Malekith would allow himself to be placed in so much danger.” Loki sipped in wine, obviously deep in thought. “That paranoia may be our only hope.”

“Recalibrate the bow for iron tips, then. Got it.” Clint sat back and grinned, all wolf. “What next?”

Loki sprawled back in his chair, the image of blasé idleness. But his eyes were too alive and too green. “Our best course would be to defeat him before he even begins this war. If we can discover what it is he wants and remove it completely from his reach while rendering his best methods of attack void, we will have defanged the monster.”

“Power and revenge, you said.” Widow’s glance took in the royals. “Since we can’t move the whole universe out of his reach, the power part will have to be quashing the attack methods. But who is it he wants revenge on, and what or who is it that person treasures most?”

Loki’s grin spread wide. “I’m sure there is something he seeks which will grant him the power he craves, Lady Spider. It takes more than simple conquest to toss all nine realms back into the Darkness of the Before. There are artifacts here in Asgard he has long coveted. I know not which it is he wishes to hold this time or if some new craving has taken hold. As for his revenge...well, he has no great fondness for the Allfather and his son. ‘Twas Odin and Thor who defeated him in battle and broke his hold over the Svartálfar the first time, driving him back into a tiny pocket of the kingdom he once ruled.”

“Is there any way to find out what his plans are, before they actually take place?” Bruce leaned forward, using his hands to punctuate his words. “On Earth, we’ve got all sorts of surveillance methods going on so hopefully we catch the bad guys _before_ they pull their capers. Though some agencies are more paranoid than others over who’s actually the bad guys.”

Loki shook his head. “Not without warning him of our intentions. We do, however, have the advantage of your ‘prophecy’ and all which might be related to it. I suggest we pick it apart for all the gems we can gather, as well as any other intelligence you may have from that source.”

“JARVIS, pipe a big screen in here, will you? And bring up any and every trailer you’ve got for the second Thor movie.” Tony thought a second. “I don’t suppose we’d be lucky enough to be able to tap into a dimension where it’s already hit the theaters, would we?”

“I have not yet found such a universe, sir.” JARVIS sounded from the Starkphone on the table in front of Tony. “I have, however, found leaks from the production. Spoilers, if you will, that however limited, might be of some use.” Tony loved how the Viking gods leaned back and away from the source of the disembodied voice.

“Go ahead and bring up the spoilers, please, JARVIS. As we’ve already seen the one trailer, let’s PowerPoint the rest.” Cap grinned at the raised brow Bruce gave him. “Yes, I finally learned some of the lingo.”

“I’m telling you, Jolly Green. This is not our world. Popsicle's too smart. It’s starting to scare me.” Tony grinned when a decent-sized screen sprang from his phone and the Asgardians, except Loki—he didn’t even blink—sprang back in their chairs.

“These are leaks from a stuntman on the production.” JARVIS pulled up a page of text.

_Thor becomes reunited with Jane who becomes possessed by a Dark Spirit, which is connected with the Dark Elves; a race the Asgardians have fallen out with many years beforehand [...] The Dark Elves attack Asgard, and they take a huge hit. So Thor has to rebuild Asgard by putting together an army to go and take the battle to the Dark Elves and defeat them. But the only way he can do this is – he needs to cross over to the Dark World, and the only person who has access to the dark side of Asgard is his old brother Loki, who at the beginning of the film is locked up in prison._

_“So what happens is Thor basically has to negotiate this truce with Loki, and he goes on this great trek with Jane, all three of them. They go to this far side of Asgard, which is being shot in Iceland, where they train and assemble an army to go and attack the Dark Elves’ world.”_

“Jane? Why should Jane be needed for such a perilous journey?” Thor stared around, face set in lines of accusation.

“And why would an army be raised from the _far_ side of Asgard?” Sif looked totally insulted at the notion. “The training camps are here, in the capital. The far side of Asgard is all crops and livestock. Surely an army of farmers against Malekith would be laughable.”

Loki sighed. “Not the _far_ side of Asgard, dear Sif. The Dark Side. That grim and forbidding section of our world where the ever-revered Allfather saw fit to confine Malekith and his loyal followers after their defeat. A tiny realm within a realm.” Now that was one nasty-ass smile the Trickster had. And an even nastier laugh. “A realm sealed to all traffic from without. Or nearly all. If one can tread the paths none other can...well then, there are no seals.” The laugh skittered out over the room again. “They do not call me Skywalker without reason.”

“So what if we—” Steve shrugged at the sharp glance from Odin. “—you take the battle to Malekith before he has a chance to strike first? At least be waiting for him at the borders. It sounds like it might have been a surprise attack.”

Loki’s grin held lots of sharp teeth. “I would prefer slitting Malekith’s throat, yes. I fully support a preventive strike. I would also suggest removing Thor’s woman to Asgard as soon as possible and placing her under wards to prevent any and all sorts of possession. I do not doubt Malekith will find some other target for this Dark Spirit of his, but it will be someone of less value to Thor. That is of import, since striking at Thor and Odin seems to be Malekith’s intent.”

“Give us the next one, JARVIS, please.”

“Certainly, Captain Rogers.” Okay, JARVIS sounded positively delighted at someone using basic manners with him.

And still the Asgardians twitched at the sound of the AI’s voice. Tony loved every nanosecond. Gods, his metal-alloyed ass.

_It’s possible that the previous casting calls pointing to the mythological Einherjar (fallen warriors residing in Valhalla) could make an appearance alongside Thor as well. The fallen heroes are actually dead, according to mythology, but Hemsworth has complimented new director Alan Taylor on his ability to make even fantasy elements seem grounded in realism. How Captain America could cameo in this story isn’t clear, and fails to mention any of the other Nine Worlds._

“Wait. The guards are zombies. Oh my God! That explains _so_ much.” Tony exchanged glances with his fellow Avengers and Loki, who seemed to get the sheer ironic insanity of it, before settling on Spangles. “So, big guy. Zombie Apocalypse. Night of the Living Asgardians. Just remember, they’re coming to get you, Barbara, so double tap their asses.”

Clint grinned. “Do not leave home without your boomstick. Klaatu barada—” He bent over, fake coughing. “Oh my God, Thor. Fucking zombies.”

Even Bruce and Natasha were smiling.

Thor grinned and addressed his father. “It is a strange passion with a great many Midgardians, Father. These ‘zombies’ are reanimated corpses who trudge slowly after the living in a quest to consume their brains. They are quite repulsive.” He sobered at the look he got from King No-Fun. “But of course it is not the same as the Einherjar, our fallen comrades who have well earned their rest..”

Clint shook his head. “You got some weird shit ideas of rest, dude. And not all zombies are slow. They have those fast mothers now. You can’t outrun those. I miss old school.”

Loki chuckled. “ _Shaun of the Dead_. You did declare it 'the best thing ever filmed'.”

Clint’s cheeks flamed. “You laughed pretty hard. Well, at least once or twice.” Then he shut down, as though recalling he wasn’t supposed to have any good memories of his time with Loki. Awkward silence descended.

“Anyway.” Fortunately Cap had a thing for being good at pushing past the tangents and getting back to the heart of the matter. “Let’s keep going. JARVIS?”

_“But the exclusive twist…is that one of the things that happens during the Asgardian attack is that Thor’s mother gets killed. So it becomes like a vengeance thing. And they were keeping very tight-lipped about what actually happens with Loki, you don’t know whether he redeems himself or he’s still the bad egg.”_

_Rene Russo has recently explained that her role in the original Thor was intended to be much larger, and why the relationships between Frigga, Thor and Loki might all be explored in the sequel. More backstory and development will certainly be needed to make the death of her character have impact. Even if this claim is unconfirmed, having Frigga die at the hands of the Dark Elves would go a long way in uniting Loki and Thor once again._

Loki locked gazes with his brother, their faces grim as the Warriors Three and Sif shouted out in protest at the _prophecy_.

“Mother will not perish. Not if I can do aught to prevent it.” Loki’s quiet tones seemed meant only for Thor, yet the room fell silent, the other warriors staring at him in disbelief.

Thor inclined his head, just as solemn. “Aye. Say whatever they might, there has never been anything we could not accomplish when both our wills were fixed upon it.” He picked up his hammer from where it rested beside him and set it on the table with a resounding _thump_. “By Mjölnir, I swear it.” Lightning danced over his fist.

Loki’s grin was lopsided. “By my magic, I swear it.” Gold flashed in his eyes.

 

 


	6. What’s Playing At the Roxy?

As Odin didn’t seem to have much use for a handful of mortals—no matter how remarkable—in his battle plans, getting the rest of the team back together in the room Tony and Steve shared took little effort or stealth. Minus Thor and Loki, of course. Tony left another of his bugs on the doorframe of the dinner hall so JARVIS could keep an eye on things. Right now the Avengers needed a little alone time.

“Okay.” Clint threw himself onto the Viking version of a fainting couch. “Want to explain why the two of you have suddenly turned into Loki fangirls? I thought I was going to be sick a couple of times there from the sugar content of the crap you were feeding him. What the hell? Last I checked he was still an evil-ass little shit who needs my boot up his backside.”

“Then maybe you ought to see the parts of the story we were never privy to.” Cap chose a new bottle from the table, then poured a shot for Tony and one for himself before he settled back against a carved shelf where he could watch everyone’s faces. “You all might want a shot or two of this when we’re done, too. Help yourselves. JARVIS, do you have your abridged version of the film ready to show?”

“I have, Captain Rogers. The original movie was titled _Thor_. This rendition should perhaps be titled _Loki_.” JARVIS’ smug self-satisfaction made Tony snicker. A big screen unfurled from nothing and the opening of ancient war on Earth and Frost Giants started to play.

“There was a lot of really boring, really annoying romance with Thor and his science chick. We love you so much, we edited it out for you.” Tony grinned. “Believe me, you will thank us.”

As he’d seen it already, Tony concentrated far more on watching the others as well. Besides, it meant his heart and his gut wouldn’t shred as much over watching Loki go through all that again. Once was bad enough.

It played out sort of the way he expected. Bruce looked sick—and a tad green. But he managed to hold it together, a thing for which Tony was immensely grateful.

Natasha looked like Natasha. All cool and collected and unconcerned. Until they got to the clips at the end, the bits from the Avengers, shots of Clint under mind control. Evidence of Loki under mind control. Then her eyes narrowed and darted from the screen to Clint and back continuously.

Clint never moved, never so much as twitched, until the end. Then he got up, walked over to Cap, snatched the bottle from Spangles’ hand and downed a fair slug of it before he sucked in a breath and returned to his fainting couch. “Shit.”

Cap nodded. “Pretty accurate. So there was all that going on that we had no clue about. None at all.” He poured himself another drink. “Odin knows at least part of it, and he still threw Loki in a cell. I don’t think I like Asgard much.”

“That explains all the excess hostility coming from Sif and the Warriors Three.” Bruce huffed as he ran a hand through his curls. “Sorry, every time someone says that I think they sound like Martha and the Vandellas.”

Tony snorted. “That is an ugly visual. Just ugly. In all sorts of ways. But yeah, the four stooges are some sort of childhood rivals or something. They’re jealous because Thor loves Loki more or some such crap. According to that, they’ve made his life hell for centuries.” He shook his head. “No loyalty, no teamwork, nothing. And he still risked his all to save them. Some villain.”

“And it wasn’t just a jail sentence. It gets worse.” Cap asked JARVIS to bring up the first shots of Loki in his prison cell when they’d arrived. “None of the notes or trailers allude to this, but look at his mouth. Those scars are fresh. Odin, or whoever hands down sentences around here, _sewed_ the guy’s mouth shut. For who knows how long. I get medieval war tactics, but that’s torture plain and simple, no matter what era you’re in.”

Clint’s fist clenched. “He...when he was in control, I believed in him. That was the ‘truth’ the Tesseract gave me. It told me I could believe in him, that he wouldn’t betray me.” He laughed, short and nasty. “He’d value me. I’d be worthy of the trust he’d place in me. It sure seemed that way. He made me his lieutenant commander. Second only to him. He listened to my ideas, implemented them. All he wanted in return was my loyalty.” The laugh sounded out again. “When it all ended and I woke up, I wanted to put an arrow in his eye. I wanted him dead. I wanted to beat the hell out of him with my own fists. But the thought of someone sewing his mouth shut makes me want to puke.”

“This explains all the new warm fuzzies, and I can’t say as I blame you.” Natasha raised a brow at Cap. “So the question now is, what is it you want to do about it? Because you didn’t show this to us just to sit here and feel sorry for the guy. There’s something either you or you and Stark want us to do.”

“I’m hoping that Heimdall guy is still busy at the war meeting.” Steve glanced at Tony before he looked Clint straight in the eye. “I want to convince Odin to release Loki into our custody. If that doesn’t work, I want to break him out of here.”

Several seconds of dead quiet followed that announcement. Tony watched a boatload of emotions play across several faces. No surprise, Jolly Green was the one to voice their thoughts. “You’re talking about babysitting a demigod with the powers of Merlin, whose mind is understandably a whole lot more cat-ified than I’d originally thought. Steve, even if we manage to either get him out or break him out, what are we supposed to do with him?”

“Help him. Get him to help us. A demigod with the powers of Merlin and the hand-to-hand abilities of one of those Fung Gu masters could be a huge asset to the team.” Steve grinned. “Think of what he could do against Doom.”

Tony smirked and opened his mouth, but JARVIS beat him to it. “Apologies, Captain Rogers, but I believe you may have meant Kung Fu. Though it is a perfectly understandable mistake, given the variety of martial arts disciplines and your temporal displacement. There is much to catch up on.”

Spangles got that FML look. “Yeah, that. But the fact remains, Loki would be great as one of us.”

“He’s right. All Reindeer Games really needs is someone to give him a chance. Yeah, he’s still the God of Mischief, but hell, you all put up with me.” Tony grinned at the bevy of eyerolls. “Besides, Fury’ll have a cow when we bring Rock of Ages into the fold. That’s worth it all right there.”

Bruce snorted. “That’s mean. I like it.” He held up a hand. “I’m in.”

Natasha turned to Clint. Tony had expected that. She’d do whatever her fellow assassin chose.

“You said he wasn’t that bad to work for. Imagine what he’d be like in his right mind.” Tony swung a foot, all ease and fun times. “What do you say, Robin Hood?”

Hawk ran his hand over the lower part of his face, thinking. “The one problem we might have is what you just said, Tony. Work _for_ him. I never really got the impression he was a team player if he wasn’t in charge. Now, I don’t know how much of that was because this Thanos guy had him over a barrel to lead the lizard guys, but it’s something to consider. Would he be willing to work _with_ us? Or are you willing to work _for_ him?”

“ _'I never wanted the throne. I only wanted to be your equal.'_ ” Steve lifted his glass as he quoted Loki. “Sounds like a fellow who would be happy to have someone to work _with_. He hasn’t gotten that much, seems like.” He downed the contents.

“Wasn’t saying no, was just bringing it up.” Clint snorted. “You all generally listen to me better than Fury does. Yeah, if he’s in, he’d be a hell of an ally. I’ll give him that chance, sure. Maybe the urge to pound him into the ground will go away in a year or so. I’ll try to keep a lid on it until then.”

“All right then. So it’s agreed. We ask nicely to have him turned over to us. If that doesn’t work, we ask a little less nicely. If that doesn’t work, we take him.” Steve made eye contact with each one. “Good.”

“We probably ought to run it past him first, there, July Fourth.” Tony was all for it, but he’d a whole lot rather it was Loki’s choice as well. “Just taking him, nicely or not, isn’t much better than what he’s already been through.”

Steve shook his head. “We’d let him go. I figure he has somewhere to go to ground. We all decided Clint was innocent, right? Mind control and intimidation by an outside alien force. Same deal with Loki. He’s innocent. We sent him here and we’re taking it back. He’s free to do what he wants. If Asgard wants to chase him down again, that’s their problem.”

“If he’s working with us, it becomes our problem, too. But I can see where you’re going with this. Too many chances for something to slip if we talk to him about it first.” Natasha nodded, whether to Steve or to herself unclear. “It’d be a great reason for asking nicely in the first place, though. Make it clear we want him on the team. I’m sure they’ll give us all the same excuses we just ran through, but at least that way he’s hearing it right along with Odin.”

“Yes. I also doubt Odin will let us have any time alone with Loki.” Steve put his glass away. “So, do we want to crash the meeting? Isn’t that what Tony usually does when he gets one of these crazy ideas?” He winked at Tony.

_What the hell?_

“They’re going to be pretty focused on this attack from the Dark Elves. We might be better off offering to help them with that, then asking about Loki joining us.” Bruce lifted his hands. “Look, I know you’re all gung-ho about this because of what he’s been through, Steve, but Loki’s already pledged his support to that cause. And offering to help him accomplish that can only polish up our creds when we _do_ ask.”

Steve was just cute when he was thwarted. Especially when he couldn’t argue with the logic of it. That face!

“Okay. That’s the plan, then.” Tony clapped his hands together. “Bruce, you’re all diplomatic and shit. People like you. And if they don’t, you can grind their bones to make your bread and all that. So you and Steve get to do the talking. If it goes south or comes down to making a deal, I’ll take over because I do know how to negotiate a contract. The Dynamic Duo will keep those I-Spy-With-My-Little-Eye spy eyes of theirs out for any dirty dealings, because I do not trust any of these gods any further than I could throw them without the suit.” He grinned. “I have a few toys you can scatter around if you get the chance so JARVIS can help with the keeping an eye out. And his eyes are way better than any of ours.”

In-the-ear communicators with mics were passed around, just in case they were separated or needed to say something the rest of the world didn’t need to hear. Tony broke out his new toy. “Contact lens. They won’t mess with your vision, but they act as a HUD screen. J. can show you all sorts of fun stuff. Just one in one eye. Wearing them in both makes normal people fall over stuff. Pepper and Happy hate them.” He popped a pair into his eyes, used to gathering data from multiple sources continually. “One is doable for you slackers, though. Probably not much to be learned around here, but you can never tell. You can get heat signature, UV, IR, all sorts of data as long as J. is reading it. I figure if they are hiding something or someone, this will show it.”

Bruce raised a brow, amusement quirking his lips. “Uhh...you probably don't want to piss off the Other Guy with a bunch of little digital gizmos in front of his eyes. I don’t always remember completely, but I think we decided last time that was a really bad idea.”

Clint held up a hand. “Messes with my depth perception and aim. No can do, techno-boy. Make me fancy arrows and super-funky bows. Do not screw with the eyesight.”

“I’ll pass.” Cap eyed the little case as if is was a cobra. “When I put your last prototypes in they gave me an honest-to-God headache, and I kept paying more attention to the data than to Boomerang. Didn’t help the battle so much. I figure you’ll tell us all anyway.”

“Stark, I’ve seen the data streams coming from JARVIS. Ninety-five percent of the time they mean nothing to me. They’re raw figures without translation from you or your AI.” Natasha could glare without really glaring, which was sort of disconcerting. “Why should I compromise half my visual area when I can just let you tell me what you’ve found? I know you like showing off your toys, but I’ve warned you about excess personal gratification before.”

“Wimps. Guess it’s just you and me, J.” He tucked the unused cases back into the mobile server case and set the whole thing into stealth mode in case the guards around here in Emerald City got nosy. “Let’s go make Odin’s life fun.”

 


	7. Just a Spoonful of Sugar

The Allfather was about as pleased to see the Avengers as Tony expected him to be. Why mythology always handed the throne to lightning-bolt-hurling, bad-tempered, old dudes with _smite now and ask questions later_ attitudes, Tony had never figured out. Odin, Zeus, Jupiter, Yahweh—all old guys with anger issues.

Right now, One Eye gave them the hex out of his single orb. “You wish to join our efforts to defeat Malekith?”

“Seems only right. After all, Thor’s been a part of our team for some time now.” Oh yeah, Spangles was just itching to include Loki in that, but sort of hard to immediately include on your team the guy your were fighting a year ago and have it sound plausible. “The Avengers stick together.”

Damn, it hurt to see the way Loki’s lips thinned out just a little at that. Watching the movie, Tony could catch his little tells now. Thor had friends who were loyal to him and would fight for him, both on Asgard and Midgard. Loki had no one.

Thor either didn’t notice or knew he couldn’t help with that at least. So he focused on other things. “The Avengers are mighty warriors, Father. The greatest of all Midgard. Doubtless they could be of some help.”

Damn, it was fun to watch Steve blink right on cue with the little lightbulb Tony could almost see pop on over Red, White & Blue’s head. The statement was addressed to Frigga, but Tony knew who it was really aimed at. “Your Majesty, I lost my own mother when I was just sixteen. I know what that feels like. I’d hate for either of your sons to have to go through that pain.”

The queen graced him with a gentle smile. “I thank you for the support you offer them, Captain Rogers. Thor chose well in his friends on Midgard.”

Loki, on the other hand, was contemplating the nightcap or the time bomb again. Time bomb was still winning but it looked like a bit narrower spread this round. Not that much of it showed on his lean face; the Trickster had no doubt learned long ago to keep his emotions well-hidden from the likes of this bunch.

Steve nodded. “Well, this time we’d like to be there for him and you.” He flicked his eyes to the sprawled figure of her second son. “And for Prince Loki.”

Shit. Odin’s one eye narrowed and that granite expression chilled further. _Damn it, Spangles_. This was so not the time to let slip how much they knew. “You would aid one who brought death and destruction to your homeworld, Steven Rogers? Who enslaved your comrade to fight against you? You have a very strange sense of loyalty.”

Steve tilted his head, all blue eyes and innocence. “I thought you said Loki had agreed to help us. He’d given his word to protect Asgard and his mother against Malekith and all? Oh, you know about the Avengers. We’ve all brought death and destruction to our world. Natasha and Clint were assassins. They’ve caused wars and changed the course of history. I think Black Widow’s probably responsible for toppling a few regimes singlehandedly. Bruce sort of squashes cities sometimes. When he gets upset. So, you really don’t want to make him upset. We’re not really sure how many people Tony might be responsible for ending.”

“Probably millions. Maybe tens of millions. Estimates vary.” Tony shrugged, then grinned at Sif’s surprise. “Sorry, toodles. Did I exceed your headcount? They call me the Merchant of Death, you know.”

Steve nodded. “The point is, we’re not lily white.”

“You are.”

Steve closed his eyes briefly, obviously restraining the urge to murder Tony and chalk up his first demerit. “We’re not _all_ lily white. So when you said Loki was on the up and up for this mission, we believed you. We’re giving him the same benefit of the doubt we’ve given each other.”

Those snowy brows pretty much hit the high ceiling, like Odin never expected to hear actual logic coming out of the mouth of a human. The surprised tone confirmed it. “There is wisdom in your words, Steven Rogers. If my sons desire to have your aid, I will not forbid it.”

Score! Spangles actually pulled it out.

Bruce did the bow thing, thanking Odin and all that crap. Steve locked on to their targets. “Thor, Loki? Do you want us with you?”

“Of course!” Thor went all smiles, spreading his massive arms to include both the Avengers and the rock band. “I could ask for no better warriors at my side. We will carry the day in fine style.”

Steve focused on Loki, the other prince seeming surprised Cap didn’t just take Thor’s answer as enough. Loki eyed Capsicle like he’d never seen such a creature. Eventually he snorted. “For what it matters, I welcome your band to our little endeavor. I have, after all, witnessed your prowess at first hand.” He managed, somehow, to look at Sif without actually looking at Sif. Damn, that was impressive. “ _I_ do not doubt your abilities.”

If Cap’s smile went any brighter, they weren’t going to need the torches in the war room. “Thank you.”

Tony grinned and rubbed his hands together. “Great. Let’s get this show on the road, then. What have we got so far?” He slid into a chair and plopped his phone on the table. “J., tactical strategy planning program. We’ll do it right.”

 

* * *

 

***

* * *

 

Tony leaned against a golden pillar in a golden hall, all reflecting a golden morning sun, waiting for Loki and his guards to appear, trying his damnedest to not curl up in a ball of anguish because fucking golden halls were fucking _bright_ and fucking _loud_ and he was fucking dying. “I hate gold. I’m changing my colors. They won’t be red and gold any more. Gold is too...too. It needs to be less. Much less. So, I’m changing it to...not gold. Oh God. Steeeeeve. I’m dying. Make it stop.”

“Wish I could. Not a doctor, though. But I’ll make sure we check future potables so you don’t have to go through it again. Best I can do.” A strong hand held him up against the wall. “Here they come. Oh, there’s an idea… Good morning, Prince Loki.”

The erstwhile ruler of Earth faltered for half a step, surprise showing before his habitual mask closed over his features. “Captain. You are remarkably...affable of a morning.” A touch of distrust darted to Tony. “And you, Iron Man? Are you feeling as genial as our good soldier? You look abysmal.”

“Uh, unfortunately Tony’s system—pickled as it already is—doesn’t throw off the effects of alcohol as easily as mine does. And as you pointed out last night, we hit some pretty heavy stuff.” Cap was all innocence. “Don’t suppose there’s an Asgardian-strength remedy? Or maybe something in your magic skills? He’s really hurting. All the gold reflecting the morning light is just making worse.”

“Fucking Asgard. Do not ever talk about my tower being gaudy and ostentatious again.” Tony ignored the scowls of Loki’s guards and the Trickster’s laugh.

“I do know a spell which will rid Stark of the effects of his indulgences; however, I doubt he would trust me to use my magic on him, so the point is moot.” Loki looked away, obviously sure of being rejected again.

“Oh, God…” Tony’s stomach decided it really didn’t feel like being vertical much longer, and Cap’s grip was starting to strangle his shoulder. “Dude, if you can do anything, I will ecstatically kneel at your feet. I think my skull’s getting ready to shatter. Like, for real.” His knees gave out and only Cap’s reflexes saved him from a broken nose along with everything else. “Please. I will _so_ beg.”

Gobsmacked looked good on Loki. It would look even better once Tony’s insides weren’t trying to violently splay onto the outside world.

“That is not…” Loki’s hand glowed gold in the instant before he settled it on Tony’s head. A few words murmured in a language Tony didn’t know and the pain, nausea, and misery all faded away. Cool, lean fingers withdrew. “That should suffice.”

Spangles helped him up and perched him against the column again to catch his breath. Then that same broad hand extended toward Loki, Cap’s expression clear and direct. “Thank you.”

Loki inclined his head, not one shred of belief in those teal eyes. “You intend to continue the fantasy of this alliance then? That we are comrades-in-arms.”

“I was simply trying to thank you for helping my friend. A handshake is a human custom to do that.” Cap let his hand drop, but his expression didn’t waver. “I didn’t realize it wasn’t the same here. I apologize.”

Long fingers knocked the apology away. “No. Do not lie to me. I am the God of Lies and will not countenance them being used against me any longer. Tell me why you smile at me and treat me as something more than the monster I know you think me.” Loki met Steve stare for stare. “Tell me you truly mean to call me ally.”

_Damn._ Okay, not ready to think “Spangles” and “hot” in the same sentence, but when the kid got that set to his jaw… “I don’t think you’re a monster. And yes, I do mean to call you an ally. If you’re the God of Lies, and a sorcerer to boot, then I’d think you could tell if someone was lying to you. So why don’t you check right now?”

The frown on Loki’s face deepened. “You do not lie, but you do not tell me all, either.” The god considered for a moment. “You are the man of honor. The one whose word is without question. Very well. The words you spoke to Odin last evening. Words of granting me the same benefits as the other members of your team. Your honor that you and your little band of heros meant that sentiment.”

“Yes, sir. My honor.” Cap aimed a pointed glance at the guards. “And it’s a little difficult to fill in every detail when there’s a war conference in the works. Maybe at some point I’ll get a chance to. But thank you very much for helping Tony.”

“So be it, then. For now, I accept we are comrades with a common goal.” Loki followed his gaze. “We will speak of our strategy in depth later. Come, now it is time to break our fast.”

Now that he could move without wanting to hurl, Tony could appreciate the opalescent sky silhouetting the mountains on the horizon. “You know, gold aside, it’s a damn pretty view you’ve got here. You ever go exploring as a kid, or were you stuck in a classroom with a bunch of tutors? Not that it ever stopped me from sneaking off to check out the real world.” Surely there must have been _some_ fun to bond the little princes together before things got weird.

“I enjoyed my tutors.” Loki followed Tony’s gaze out to the wide panorama, a hint of defensiveness in his voice and manner. “Learning mattered to me. I am no mindless lackwit, as so many within these hallowed walls. My studies, however, encompassed a great deal of exploration of the realm and visits to other realms as well. I was prince and so needed to know of all the worlds.” He moved to the vast glassless window. “I saw much, travelled widely, meeting other peoples, discovering new cultures. I loved it.” He turned back to Tony and shrugged. “Thor cared less for it. If he could not kill it, skin it, and mount it on his walls, he had little use for it.”

Tony chuckled, picturing it. “Yeah, I can see Point Break being like that.” And it wouldn’t have been just Thor. Loki was a science geek in the midst of a whole world of jocks. Tony so got that. And knew that Cap did, too, even though Cap would have been the art geek.

Spangles joined Loki, leaning against the carved sill. “I liked school. Well, the classes. Learning stuff. Art class.”

Man, Loki was wound tight. That perpetually wary expression made Tony’s chest hurt all over again. But RG still had the lie-detector mojo turned on, apparently, because after a moment he seemed to relax. “Agent Barton told me much of your history, Captain Rogers, but I will confess I find it difficult to picture you as you were before your transformation. Yet beneath your words I see you, too, had to deal with those who felt themselves above you merely because of their physical prowess.” The faintest of smiles touched those narrow lips. “It is most annoying, is it not?”

“There are reasons I can’t stand bullies.” Steve pointed to the horizon. “Because I know how it feels, I will protect anyone who’s been subjected to that sort of harassment the best I can. I’ll try to help them however I can.” He turned to lean against the window embrasure, massive arms folded across his chest. “Whoever they are. If they’ll accept it. If they aren’t trying to bully someone else.”

_You know, some days...okay, some moments...I don’t really mind the idea that maybe we’re sort of brothers of a kind._ Especially when Loki gave Cap a look of mild surprise covering pure shock with a dash of actual hope tossed in for seasoning. Tony turned at the sound of a boisterous group coming toward the massive doors of the dining room. “Looks like we better get our asses in gear. Between Thor and the Braid Guy, with Cap here thrown in, there might not be anything left inside of ten minutes.”

They’d give Lokes some time to think. Besides, now that Tony wasn’t dying of the ultimate hangover, his stomach wanted food. He led the way, following the sounds of excess. “So, you guys basically party 24/7 when you aren’t off making war?”

“Any visitor to Asgard would think so. And guests to the palace are generally treated to more feasts.” Loki gestured out over the views of the city as they walked past more glassless windows. “But no. We...Asgard has a similar breadth and variety of trade and craft as your Earth. There is much of leisure time as well, pursued in sport and war drills for those who prefer such, or in reading and the arts. The healers pursue their science, the farmer his crops.”

The feasting hall held more people than the night before. Loki’s guards melted to the sides of the high table, fading into the background but not far enough to be invisible. Lovely. Like being shadowed by the walking dead wasn’t humiliating. No subtlety, Asgardians. None at all.

Tony plopped himself down in an empty chair and patted the spot next to him. “Take a load off, Loki.”

Cap claimed the seat across like at dinner, just in time to see Xena making a beeline for the empty seat next to him. “Oh, Lord, not again. I’m sure she’s a great warrior and all, but I really don’t care for her manners. Mainly because she doesn’t seem to have many.”

“I fear you have an admirer, Captain.” Seemed Asgardians weren't allowed to roll their eyes or whatever, but Lokes sure did a great job of not-quite doing it.

Spangles looked pained, then decided to just ignore her and focus on Loki. “You know, I get it’s not your custom to use nicknames, but Thor calls me Steven. You’re certainly welcome to.”

Loki paused in the act of taking a peach from a bowl overflowing with various fruits. “Steven. As you will. You make free with my name without title and have.” His sharp glance matched his smile. “Now I give you leave of it.”

Cap blinked, and a flash of red colored his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think. When you...when you were on Earth, everyone—even Thor—just called you by your name and I guess I fell into the habit. I didn’t mean any disrespect to your title as a prince here.”

Oh, that got a glare out of Xena. More like a look down her nose placing Loki below not only most of the court, but a few of those farmers out there in the Realm Eternal.

Loki dipped his chin, every inch a prince. “I knew you meant no disrespect to me. Else I would have cut out your tongue.” He grinned. “Or at least made the attempt.” He split the peach open, exposing the glistening flesh. “I thank you for your apology, though. It was sincere.” A touch of surprise lingered in his admittance.

“Yep, that’s Frozen Wonder. Makes the rest of us look bad at every turn.” Tony grinned and tossed what looked like an apple to Cap. “Come on, dig in. Else I’m gonna look like a pig, ‘cause I’m starving.”

The next several minutes were spent filling plates and taking off the first layers of hunger. At least the food tasted great. Tony hummed a couple of times in pure pleasure. “This works, Lokes. I might even take up semi-regular meals if this is what it’s like. As long as there are cheeseburgers and pizza.”

Sif’s brows drew together. “I have never heard of these foods.” She smiled at Cap. “Steven, would you explain them to me?”

Tony pointed a finger, as Cap seemed torn between basic courtesy and a genuine annoyance with her forwardness. “First, the woeful ignorance just never ends. Second, he’s Captain Rogers to you. That conversation about permissions and names we just had, remember? No one’s put you on a first name basis, Lady Xena.”

Loki’s smile could have split the table right in two. But he leaned over to Tony, his voice soft and vastly amused. “As you are trying to make a point, Iron Man, that would be Lady Sif.”

“Right. Lady Sif.” Tony made it sound as indecent as he could. “Captain Rogers. Captain Rogers. Lady Sif.” He winked at Loki, though his words were for Sif. “Me, I’m Stark. Do not call me Mister. That was my old man. I also answer to a wide array of profane and obscene epithets. Take your pick. Get inventive. I’d love to hear something new.”

Oh, if he’d slapped her she couldn’t have looked any more shocked. And insulted. But he’d bet JARVIS she wouldn’t say anything.

Her glare simmered for about twenty seconds before she relented and dipped her head in acquiescence. “I would still like to hear of these Midgardian foods, if it pleases you to tell me, Captain Rogers.”

Tony settled back and grinned at Loki while Steve launched into his description. He leaned close to the Trickster. “She is looking at severe disappointment. There is not a thing she’s sporting that he’s looking for. She lost him totally at Rude and Entitled. You, me, the fruit bowl, any of us would have a better chance with him.” He grinned as Loki elevated an eyebrow. “Hey, that’s a very sexy apple.”

“You are without a doubt the most unusual creature in the Nine, Stark.” Loki frowned as the name fell from his lips. “My apologies, but I find this surname an uncomfortable way to address you. I am not sure why. But Thor has told me your given name is Anthony? Would you be offended if I were to use it?”

“Oh hell, no. The Stark speech was for Warrior Barbie. For you, I’m Tony. That’s the short version. Go for.” He poked the god’s arm. Okay, so there were rock-hard muscles under that flowy shirt. “JARVIS, remind me to be careful. Lokes is all buff and shit. I could hurt myself playing with him.”

The rest of breakfast passed without any more snark from Xena. And Tony fully enjoyed watching Cap be perfectly polite and pointedly oblivious to all her not-so-subtle charms, and totally relaxed with Loki. Equally pleasing to see Reindeer Games kick back for the first time in probably ever. Only that damn collar courtesy of Odin spoiled the view.

_Wait. Speaking of…_ Tony set down his knife, pitching his voice for the Trickster alone. “Loki, question for you. And I should have thanked you myself for curing my hangover. But how’d you do that, if Daddy One-Eye has you wearing the Necklace of No Magic?”

Loki looked torn between scowling and laughing. “The Necklace of Limited Magic. I would hardly be of use to Odin should I have no power at my disposal. So he has bound my intent. I may neither escape nor do harm to those well-disposed to Asgard. I may not act with malice, though I may protect this realm.” He spread his hands. “Unlike the Avengers, he does not offer me any trust.”

_Oh, kid, if I could do it without messing up the current plans to keep your mom and your realm safe, I would so kick Odin’s ass for you. Or die trying._ Damn it, if it hadn’t been for Odin, Loki would never have fallen into the hands of the Other, never would have come to Earth in the first place. Of course, then Tony would never have met him, and he found he had a whole lot more in common with Loki than he ever would with Thor. And he really hated bullies—as much as Cap did. If ever there was a bully in the Nine Realms, Odin qualified.

“Yeah, well, like you said, you’re an Avenger now.” Tony took a bite of something just to keep from saying how much he wanted to beat the shit out of Odin for Rudolph.

“So I am.” Okay, liking the genuine smile. Made the guy look about sixteen. “I find it a pleasing sensation, Anthony. In truth. I meant to rule your world, to protect it from itself. But you, all of you, do that without ruling. It seems possible now I erred in my initial plans.”

“Yeah, that could be an affirmative there, Wing Commander.” Tony plucked a fruit he didn’t recognize from the bowl and held it up questioningly. At the tiny nod, he tossed it to Loki. He picked out something purple and good-smelling for himself and settled with an arm around Loki’s shoulder. “Besides, now that we’ve had some time and the inclination to look into your little takeover attempt, we’ve decided that’s exactly what you were trying to do—protect Earth.” He loved the startled look when he whispered in Loki’s ear. “Damned fine job, too.”

“You...you saw...but how…” A quick, frightened glance toward Odin, then a more considering one at Cap, who’d finally shaken off Xena thanks to some problem with her horse. Spangles held that gaze for a moment, then nodded once, real deliberate-like. Trim brows raised. “The films your JARVIS spoke of. But...I thought it told of Thor and his woman. Why would…”

“You’re a good man, Loki of Asgard. You get a little crazy, but hey. Don’t we all? Me, I crash million-dollar cars when I’m happy, throw parties for people I don’t know when I’m not, take up alcohol as a food group, develop casual sex into a hobby, and lay waste to my own reputation for years on end. And that was just the 80’s. Imagine what I could do with a lifespan like yours.” He leaned in to that pale ear again. “We saw. We understand. No one thinks less of you. In fact, we respect you a hell of a lot more. We like you. Let’s talk.” He eased to his feet. “Hey, I need Loki’s input on an idea I have. Can I borrow him for a few?”

Odin’s granite scowl brushed over them all. “I will allow it. The guards will remain nearby, however. It is for your own safety, Man of Iron.”

Tony didn’t contain the eyeroll. “Ahm, kicked his ass once already, you know. Besides, newsflash! Me and Rudolph, we on the same team now.” He reached up and attempted to put an arm around the now-standing god’s shoulder and decided Rudolph was just too freaking tall. He settled for Loki’s waist instead. “We’re buds. Total BFFs. As soon as he gets Facebook, I’m completely going to friend him. Tumblr, too.”

Down the table, Bruce had the facepalming thing going again. Then Jolly Green flashed a smile at Loki. “He gets like this. Just give him something to work on.”

Cap had gotten to his feet by now, too. “I’ll keep an eye on Tony. Make sure he doesn’t scare our newest team member off.” Spangles _winked_ at JG. “Or start poking him with pointy things.”

“Hey, hey, hey! No flirting with Bruce! Bruce is mine. I saw him first!” Tony leaned against the God of Mayhem. “Looooookiiiiiiiii. Steve’s trying to take my toys. He’s being all weird lately. He never—Oh!” Tony wondered for just an instant if he should go there, but decided why not. Reindeer Games could use the ego-boost and the feeling of being part of the game. And Steve looked good as a tomato. “Oh, this really is the AU where you’re smart, Popsicle, but I’m on to you. You’ve never flirted with Bruce before. Not until I started making time with Loki-dokes. This is your ploy to make Loki jealous! Ha. Well, we’re on to you now.”

The Asgardians around the table, including Thor, looked faintly shocked. Barton, on the other hand, was currently in imminent danger of actually laughing his ass off, Natasha calmly moving things out of reach of being demolished and only half-hiding her own smirk. Bruce just shook his head and picked up his other-realm-but-still-decent coffee.

Loki’s lips twitched. “I see. Well then, since he is so new to such games, and you an old and experienced hand, Anthony, I will reward Steven for his efforts.” Mischief slipped from Tony’s embrace, stepped onto and across the table with more delicate grace than a guy that big should possess, and settled before Cap. “Would you be so kind as to escort me, Steven? You did say you would keep me safe from Anthony and pointy things.”

Cap flushed a little, but mostly it was one more tolerant glance in about a million now. _Damn, I gotta work harder on him._ Then Spangles clapped a hand to Loki’s shoulder, smile at full wattage. “Yep, I did. So let’s go hash his idea around and try to keep him out of trouble.”

Loki had the utter audacity to toss a long look of satisfaction over his shoulder at Tony. _The brat. The complete brat._ “I doubt there is such a thing as keeping Anthony from trouble, Steven. He was born to chaos. I, of all, should know.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure even you have no idea.”

 

***

 


	8. Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos. Glad you're enjoying it!

* * *

The corridor was mostly quiet. Morning rush hour seemed to be over and folks were off doing their own things. Tony turned and blocked the guards from following into the digs he and Steve shared. “You know, I think right there against that wall opposite the door is plenty near. It’s not like the prince can go anywhere. Your Allfather guy saw to that. We’re just gonna talk a little strategy and maybe swap war stories. No big deal.”

The Zombie Squad didn’t like that for shit, but what could they do? They took their cut blond asses across the corridor and lined up like good little undead soldiers. Tony shut the door and grinned as he clapped Cap on the shoulder, then winced and remembered why he didn’t do that. _Ow!_ “Good job, Popsicle.” He shook his injured hand and gestured for Loki to make himself comfortable. “ _Mi casa, es su casa_. Or in this case, your dad’s _casa_. Whatever. I still owe you a drink, if you feel like collecting.”

Loki raised a brow, that faint smile still on his face. “Perhaps if you waited until the sun has climbed higher than the tips of the mountains you would not suffer so many aftereffects. But the violet bottle contains starflower wine, one of the milder potables we produce. I would share a glass with you, if you feel so inclined.”

“Always willing to take the suggestion of an expert.” Tony plucked the bottle down and gathered up three glasses. “I figure even the Yankee Doodle Dandy will indulge based on that recommendation. Take a load off and stop hovering, Spangles. It makes me dizzy looking up at you when I drink.”

Cap settled on the sofa, but held up a hand before Tony could get another wisecrack out. “Hang on.” He lowered his voice. “JARVIS, you picking up any sort of indication, science or magic if you can detect that, someone might be listening in on us?”

“I cannot be 100% certain concerning magic, Captain Rogers. Sir and I have not yet completed a scan which is fully capable of detecting all magic signatures.” JARVIS sounded as annoyed by that as Tony felt. “Moreover, there is a base amount of magic throughout Asgard, stronger in some places than in others. It is, quite logically, stronger here in the palace. Aside from that signature, however, I am detecting no anomalous readings. I’m not sure what sort of surveillance technology the Gatekeeper employs, but I’ve taken the opportunity to disrupt all the known spectrums for covert magical eavesdropping and spying.”

Cap nodded, then conveniently forgot that just because J didn’t have eyes didn’t mean he couldn’t monitor visually. “Okay. Thanks.” Broad shoulders lifted in Loki’s general direction. “They’ll figure it out eventually. I just didn’t want to broadcast too overly early how much we already know. The film...it was pretty telling.”

Loki contemplated his wine goblet, the jewels of sudden interest. “I see. Would you care to tell me how far back in the pathetic detritus that is my life this Midgardian entertainment saw fit to encompass?” Ice should probably have formed on every surface in the room.

“Enough I’m ready to kick just about every ass in this realm. A few more than once.” Tony drained his goblet and poured another. Damn it, Spangles just had to start right in when it was still too early to hit the good booze. Doing this sober was torture.

The National Treasure sighed. “We saw Odin take you from the temple on Jötun...heim as a baby.” He fought a bit with the unfamiliar word. “Just a few scenes of your childhood. Enough to see you were the quiet one and Thor was a bit of a hellion. And enough to see Odin made you think you would be considered for the throne when you never were. Mostly it really all started just before Thor’s coronation—well, the coronation you prevented.” He sighed again. “I understand why you did that. You were completely right. He wasn’t ready to be king. You were also right that no one would have listened if you tried to point that out. I’m just not sure your method was really the best way to show them all the truth. And man, did things go wrong for you. I mean, if a fellow can have something go bad, you managed it.”

“Asgard, as you may have noticed, has a rather narrow view of things, for all our advancements.” Loki hadn’t looked up, and— _Damn._ The floor around his chair actually was frosted over, lacy patterns covering the marble tile in the immediate area. “The warrior is above all. He can do no wrong, save he go contrary to the codes of conflict. My...Thor did not understand. His taste was for battle and naught else. But I knew Odin had wards and other measures against incursions to the weapons chamber. The Jötun would not have succeeded.” A long sigh followed. “But as you said, things went rather awry.”

“You couldn’t catch a break, that’s for sure.” Tony propped his feet up on a...well, he wasn’t really sure what it was. “Not like anyone around you was helpful, either. Dude, seriously, you should have dropped the Three Stooges and Xena off that bridge.”

Now a delicate snort—which was weird considering the sheer size of the guy, beanpole or not—melted the frost, and that faint smile returned, though Loki’s gaze remained on his wine. “The thought has crossed my mind occasionally over the ages.”

“Next time it does, call me. I’d enjoy helping. I think taking the suit and dangling the blondie Errol Flynn wannabe just out of reach of the BiFlake would be a blast.” Tony grinned. “He screams like a ten-year-old girl, doesn’t he?”

A smile that left Loki looking surprisingly boyish appeared for a good ten or fifteen seconds. “Actually, Fandral does scream exactly like a maiden child. Especially when presented with large and hairy spiders.”

Steve laughed. “Now why didn’t I ever think of that? Might have saved me a boatload of black eyes.”

“I still gained a few of those.” A hint of Loki’s smile lingered. “Retribution is not as appreciated on Asgard as it should be.” He considered both Tony and Spangles for a moment. “So, you have discovered all my despicable little secrets, yet you wish me to join your Avengers. Why? Why invite such a debased creature into your midst?”

“Like I told Odin, we’re not perfect. Not by a long shot.” Cap threw a cushion at Tony. “Don’t even go there again. I never claimed to be perfect, lily-white, or anything else the newsreels or Howard said. I just wanted to serve my country and do what was right.”

The famous Rock of Ages temper surfaced. “Your conceit matches Thor’s. I asked not about you. But be that as it may, you are far from what _I_ am. What do you want of me? What do you gain by this allegiance with me?”

“You said you wanted to save Earth from itself. Or at least that’s what we got in the film where you and Thor were talking on that cliff.” Cap lifted his hands in some form of apology. “We...okay, _I_ thought maybe you’d like to help us do that, even if it doesn’t mean a throne. And…”

Tony dropped his face into his hand and sighed as long and loudly as he could. “You are both hopeless and helpless. Oh my God!” He lifted his head to look at the Asgardian. “Cap couldn’t talk his way out of a bathroom stall with a script, cue cards, and a teleprompter. See, this is why _I_ need you. Bruce and I need someone with an IQ higher than 50 and the ability to string together complex sentences to talk with. I wouldn’t mind someone with an actual sense of humor, either. And under all that _nose-in-the-air_ bullshit, you’re all right.” Tony flung the cushion back at Steve. “You’re not a monster. A monster wouldn’t have thrown the fight back on Earth. It took me awhile to figure it out, but you lost because you meant to lose. After seeing those two movies, I knew it. You’re a master strategist. You plan for everything and you like to operate on the safe and sure end of things.

“Yeah, yeah.” Tony held his hand up when Loki started to protest. “Chaos god. I know. But that’s different. That’s you turning everyone’s hair pink and making their mead taste like bubblegum and look like day-glow spiders. That’s not you letting Eric Selvig build an off switch on your doomsday machine. It’s not you picking out a city that really has no strategic value. It’s not you making sure we’d know exactly where you’d attack. You wanted to lose. You made sure of it. You wanted to save the planet from the Chitauri even if it meant you went down in flames.” He grinned and slapped the back of his hand against Loki’s arm. “That’s why we want you around, Rudolph.”

Teal eyes flicked back to Cap, who managed a few more of those AU smarts and just nodded. Honestly, some days Tony wondered how the hell the guy field-managed a platoon without getting permanent boot-in-mouth disease.

“Thor and my erstwhile family never figured that out. I never expected they would.” Loki’s fingers strayed to the edges of his lips. “This is the wish of all your band? Even the archer?”

“Clint’s only concern was you might not blend in well to a team mentality. That’s really all. He wasn’t against offering the choice to you.” Great, now Cap was picking his words with really-not-comical care. “So yes, it was unanimous.” A quick, uncomfortable glance at Tony said _Do we tell him we left Thor out of that vote?_

Tony gave the tiniest nod. Lies, having stuff kept from him, that would set Loki off and leave him feeling betrayed.

“But I will admit Thor wasn’t in on the meeting. He doesn’t know we’ve seen the films, that we know the whole story.” Cap shrugged. “We—Tony and I—felt it was best to bring everybody up to speed before we crossed that bridge. That’s all.”

A touch of wonder settled on Loki’s face. “You’ve done all this without Thor’s knowledge or approval?” The smile reappeared. “Oh, that’s...appealing.” He laughed. “I believe I begin to like you, both. Secrets kept from Thor, from Odin.” He sobered. “They will not thank you for befriending me. It will gain you naught in the hall of Gladsheim.”

“Not really looking for their thanks. And Thor’s a part of the team, not the leader of it.” Cap grinned. “That’s Tony’s job.”

“What? No! Not. That would be your gig. In this family, you’re the straight-laced, disciplinarian father no one wants to disappoint. Lokes is the sensitive, emo teenage son everyone loves and worries about, and I’m the cool uncle everyone wants to hang with.”

Loki raised a brow. “Emo?”

Tony scrunched up his face. “Well, it’s an attitude and a way of dressing and a taste in music. They sort of go together on Earth. You get that a lot. There’s punk and greaser and goth and metal...I’ll explain it all. You have an emo vibe. It’s sort of the hair and the _woe is me_ and the _I hate my family_. But mostly the hair. Though less now than it was. You’re leaning more to metal now. Which is cool. We could totally bond over Metallica, I’m thinking.”

“So I guess the only question now is, does this sound like something you want? And we don’t mean just here, with the elf guy. You really would be a part of the Avengers. Wherever we’re needed.” Cap’s jaw set again. “And if Fury has a problem with it, then I guess we’re free agents.” A blond brow cocked at Tony. “We pretty much decided that, anyway. We don’t march to SHIELD’s fife.”

Loki’s eyes went distant, his face soft and so impossibly young. Tony really was going to have to find out how old the kid was, comparatively. After a moment he took in a deep breath, stirring as if waking up. “I would join you; but you forget, I am a criminal and not a free man. Odin will never allow it.” The smile he offered them held infinite sadness. “I thank you for your offer, however.” He inclined his whole upper body in as much of a bow as the seat allowed.

“We didn’t forget.” Cap’s steady gaze tried for a few hidden messages. “And who knows? Maybe we can find a...loophole...or two around that. We just thought we’d see if you were interested.”

The tiny nod and the spark deep in those teal depths said all that needed to be said. “Then it is settled for the nonce. What now, my comrades? Do I return to my cell?”

“Don’t see why you need to. We can just hang for awhile until Thor gets his girl and we have to go find this Malekith guy. I’m sure the others will wander in from time to time.” Tony grinned and watched for Cap’s reaction to his next words. “JARVIS, let’s pull up some of that Metallica and see what Lokes thinks. Black Sabbath, Zeppelin...we can just do a whole buffet special.”

Steve’s look should have dried up every drop in Tony’s body and shrivelled every appendage. “If you like being deafened by indescribable noise with lyrics you can’t really understand.” He made himself more comfortable, putting his feet up on a convenient chair. “How about a movie instead? Something fun and not stupid like that last thing you made me watch.”

“Fun _and_ not stupid… Man, you are severely limiting the library, you know that.” Then the obvious occurred and Tony looked at their new friend. “What do _you_ want to do? I’m betting it’s been awhile since you’ve had an hour to yourself, let alone the two or three we probably have here. Does anyone actually have _fun_ here in the Golden Globe?”

“Not by the captain’s standards. The _not stupid_ is, as you say, severely limiting. Asgardian entertainment runs to sparring, drinking too much, eating too much, fighting, then telling tales of sparring, drinking too much, eating too much, fighting, and war. Unless I’ve been bored past the point of endurance and done something worthy of setting their tongues wagging.” Loki considered the toe of his boot. “Oh, and wenching, if one is so inclined and still conscious after all the rest. That fairly encompasses it.”

Oh, now that was too tempting. Tony leaned forward, a wicked little bubble tickling just under the arc reactor. “What sorts of things worthy of tongue-wagging? Come on, a little mischief managed just between us, just right here. I bet you were the life of the party, or would have been if folks around here knew how to appreciate it. Besides, Spangles here would implode if we took him wenching. We’d spend all night having to apologize to the ladies.”

“Hey!”

Loki laughed. A real one. Tony stared, letting the beautiful waves of it flow over him. He could taste crisp sweet icewine and see the glitter of sunlight on a mountain stream. _Wow_. So maybe the ancient pagans weren’t so crazy for thinking this guy a god. Especially if he laughed. “It seems Steven disagrees. Perhaps you have not had the proper companion to help you seek out your wenches, Steven. Do not ask Thor. He has the tastes of a boar in rut and cares only that the wench be willing and half-fair. And he cares not even for that once he is drunk. He will find you no maiden of elegance and refinement.” He cut his eyes at Tony. “I would say do not seek Anthony’s aid, either.”

Spangles’ face went a couple of shades redder. “I...haven’t had much chance to...seek. Stuff sort of got in the way after...well…” Yep, couple more, plus the stammering to go with it. “After the girls might actually be interested. And then it seemed that’s all that mattered anyway. It was...weird.”

“Good God. All that eye candy and not a clue what to do with it.” Tony sighed. “Rogers, you’re certifiably hopeless.”

That earned the Glare of Death from Captain Tomato.

Loki chuckled again. “This is why you should not allow Anthony to lead you in these matters.” Boots impacted the polished stone floors and Loki shifted to lounge closer to Cap, head resting on his arm as he stared over the arm of his couch at Spangles. He poured a fresh goblet of wine with one hand and held it out to their blushing leader. “I shall be honored to teach you mastery of Freya’s arts. I have some talent in that area.”

Cap huffed a chuckle and took the drink. “Yeah, sort of noticed that in the footage that brought us here in the first place. I’d settle for a dance and maybe a few kisses at this point.”

“See? Certifiable, I’m telling you.” Tony opted for a bottle of something _other_ than mild, the close-to-scotch he’d found last night. He shook his head as Bruce tapped the door and the rest of the team, including Thor, came in to join them. “Loki's going to teach Steve about wenching.”

Clint snorted. “Someone needs to. It’s starting to reflect on the rest of us.” He plucked the glass from Tony’s hand and perched on a decorative wall, its height putting him just a bit higher than the rest of the group. “You’re making us look bad, dude.”

Oh, good, Tony _wasn’t_ the only one who ever got the Glare of Death, though it was tempered with a smile. “You don’t need any help doing that, Clint. You’re doing just fine all on your own.”

Tony snickered. “Lokes, do the magic thing and get me another goblet, would you? Birdbrain stole mine.” He grinned at them all in general. “You have no idea how cool it is going to be, having Harry Potter in our super secret boy band.” He snapped his fingers. “That’s what we should do. We should watch _Harry Potter_ so Loki and Capsicle will get all the jokes and references. Besides, it won’t be funny when I buy Loki a Ravenclaw sweater if he doesn’t understand the different houses.”

Thor’s brows drew together in more confusion than Cap managed at his worst. “Raven’s Claw? Is that not an alehouse in your New York’s...Tiny Italy?”

“Little Italy. Yeah. And do I even want to know how you know that? Never mind.” Tony accepted the goblet floating toward him. “That is just the coolest thing ever! You have to help me figure out how that works, Loki, because that rocks so hard. You, my friend, are going to kick Doctor Doom’s ass into another dimension the next time he shows that ugly armored face of his. It’ll be epic.”

Loki smiled and simply tapped his goblet to Cap’s. “It would appear the wenching lesson shall wait, Steven.” He considered Banner for a moment. “Tell me, Doctor. Does this _Harry Potter_ meet a criteria of ‘fun and not stupid’? We have been faced with that challenge for some time now.”

Bruce’s eyebrows did a dance of confusion and consideration before they settled down. “I’d say so. I like them anyway. The books are great. The movies are adequate. Yeah. Fun and not stupid.” Suspicion rose as he looked at the three original occupants of the room. “There’s an awful lot of happiness in here. You guys haven’t been up to anything that’ll make me feel green around the gills, have you? The last time Tony had that much of a smile, Clint had itching powder in his jockstrap and Cap’s pager would randomly sound out porno moans.” A slow smile appeared. “It was great.”

“Yeah, you thought it was great.” Cap grinned. “I suppose it could have been worse. But we’ve just been talking, that’s all. Trying to figure out how to pass the time until we’re ready to go.” Blue eyes settled on Thor. “We kind of assumed you wanted to go get Dr. Foster on your own.”

Thor managed confused, accusatory, surprised, shocked, and hurt all at once. Pretty impressive, when you considered it. “It is true then?” The look moved from Loki to Cap to Tony. “You have asked my brother to join the Avengers.” All those varied emotions, but mainly the hurt, settled on Loki. “And he has accepted.”

Cap blinked and shot a glance at Tony. _Shit. Maybe that Gatekeeper guy is better than we thought._ Then Steve turned back to Surfer Barbie. “We brought it up. He expressed an interest in being a part of the team, though he figured you and your dad might have some...concerns. His skill set would certainly be an asset. If you’ve got something to add to the discussion, we’ll listen. Everybody else has had a say on it.”

Thor fiddled with the handle of his hammer, face set in grim lines. “I do not know how I feel concerning this. Long it was my wish to have my brother fighting at my side again, but that was before I discovered I could trust him not.” Loki shut down, retreating behind a cold, grinning mask as Tony watched. “I would you had told me your plans, both so I could warn you of his duplicitous ways and so I would not sit dumbfounded as all Asgard buzzes with rumors that you have clasped the Snake of Asgard to your bosom.”

“I’m pretty sure we don’t much care what Asgard thinks.” Hawk drained his goblet. “Hell, Thor, half of us here had no reason why anybody should trust us. But they did, against all odds. Why the hell shouldn’t Loki get that chance?”

Tony sincerely hoped JARVIS recorded Loki’s face, because that might just become the wallpaper on his Starkphone with the caption _Definition of Gobsmacked_.

“But I forced you into servitude. You, of all here, have the greatest reason to wish me ill. Indeed, to wish me dead.” Loki never looked cuter than when confused.

“And somebody else forced you into it. I saw. And you were a hell of a lot less asshole about it than they were. The wanting you dead thing will go away eventually.” Clint grabbed a new bottle from the table. “This human-strength?”

“Slightly more than. Well, the upper end of Midgardian potency. The equivalent of that wretched tequila you favor.” Loki’s frown still held confusion. “I had no reason to treat you poorly. You were an exemplary general—intelligent, intuitive, more than capable of leading our troops. Your strategic planning held few flaws, you adapted to any changes in situation immediately and well. And you...had heart. You treated none with malice nor pettiness. You were all I could wish in an heir.”

“Still wouldn’t have stopped some people from mistreating us. Just for the fun of it. You didn’t.” Hawk poured his drink and considered Thor again. “So, aside from the fact the lot of you have an instant distrust of anybody who doesn’t use the same head-busting tactics you use to win a battle, what’s really your problem?”

What was with this family and the ability to look like fluffy animals? Thor looked like a stepped-on puppy. A guy the size of a freaking mountain, and he managed to look like a big-eyed puppy painting from the 70’s. It had to be some Asgardian god thing. “I do not know what you mean, Clint Barton.”

Several sets of eyes rolled toward the high ceiling. But not Clint’s. Looked like Birdbrain had a bit of a soapbox going. “Magic users, genius. You’re as bad as Fury. I do read, I do think, I do actually have some use besides the arrows. Norse freaking history, not just the mythos. A woman used magic, she was all village leader and shit. A guy...well, that was just automatic grounds he had to be doing something shady and might as well hang out a sign broadcasting his tight ass to all you blond bombers. So you’re gonna stand there and look me in the eye and tell me we had it all wrong, that nobody here in the Realm Infernal would ever feel that way?”

Loki snorted. “Yes, do tell how you value my _tricks_ , brother.” Venom dripped from every word and Tony couldn’t really blame him for feeling that way.

Oh yeah, Point Break knew he was one word away from a full-blown hornet’s nest. One hand went to the nape of his neck, rubbing like he’d already been stung. His gaze wandered over the room, refusing to settle on any of them. Thor couldn’t lie for shit, and the truth would just prove the whole point of why they hadn’t included him in the initial discussion. The film itself would convict him; that little dig just before his coronation: _“Some do battle, others just do tricks.”_

“I...admit I would prefer you had joined us in more honorable methods of battle. It is not proper for a prince of Asgard to follow _seiðr_ to the exclusion of sword and spear.” Thor sighed. “We have spoken of this, Loki. We were expected to lead our warriors by _example_. Not that it matters any longer; I know now you never meant anything you said to me.” Puppy eyes and anger mixed in a really weird way that probably only worked for Surfer Barbie.

Now Clint’s eyes did the ceiling-thing. “Dude, sword swing versus frying their asses a mile out. Are you _nuts_? And excuse me, your little brother with throwing knives? And from where I’m sitting, you’re the only person here who ever thought of him as a prince, and even then it was only in your shadow. Come on.”

“Clint.” Cap held up a hand to stave off another round. “Ease off a little. We’re talking a culture he grew up in. It takes time.” Now the baby blues swung to Thor. “So are you saying absolutely no way? That if Loki were to join us as a full Avenger you wouldn’t work with him?”

Bruce toyed with his glasses. “Or maybe it’s time he saw what was actually going on while he was stuck on Earth. I’m betting to this point it’s been told either by Odin or by one of the Warrettes, and both points of view are a little biased.”

Loki twitched, a sort of all-over jerk, and reached for the wine bottle. “It matters not. It was a pleasant little illusion while it lasted. You need not trouble yourselves further. Thor has spoken and your offer I join the Avengers is revoked. I understand. It is not without precedent after all.”

“I never said it was revoked.” Damn, that jaw thing...on anybody else it would look absolutely juvenile-pout, but on Cap it just took on a whole...noble...thing. “I asked him what his vote, as it were, was. That’s all at the moment. Then we’ll go from there.”

Rudolph saw it, too. At least, the big-eyed look he gave Capsicle said so.

“Everyone in your life really has put Thor first, haven’t they? Damn.” Tony shook his head.

“That’s over.” Cap’s jaw locked a little harder, those clear eyes promising retribution and protection and Loki looked like the weak-kneed heroine on a romance novel cover for a second or two. Well, except for the _able to kill you with his pinky finger_ thing.

Thor had been staring at Jolly Green the whole time. “What do you mean, what was _actually_ going on? My father would have no reason to lie to me as regards this.” But not quite so sure as before. Tony could hear the _would he not?_ tacked on to the end of that sentence.

Cap shrugged. “I don’t know exactly the story going around Asgard, but that...Lady Sif has said a few things to make me think whatever it is, it isn’t the truth.” Man, Thor might be God of Lightning, but a fair bit had settled into Spangles’ eyes. “Loki didn’t set out to usurp the throne. He never expected it; he never asked for it. Your mother handed it over to him. He rightfully and legally was the king of Asgard. Yeah, he lied to you about your dad dying—that’s between the two of you. Everything else—his decision to run a sting on a foreign ruler and then release a WMD on another country—well, that’s the sort of decision kings make. Whether I agree with them or not, they were legally his to make. If your dad had made them, no one would have said a word. They probably would have cheered.” He just sat there, rock-solid as the Statue of Liberty. “So how come Loki’s considered a traitor?”

“’Cause Little Miss Jealous had that in her head from day one.” Clint downed another drink, the bottle half empty now. “Going on about how Loki was always envious of you. Uh-uh. Not from where I sat. She was jealous of Loki’s place in your life, and ever so happy to believe Loki snatched the throne while Daddy was asleep. Ninja Guy, I don’t know what his beef is, but he was all too happy to jump on that _Master of Magic so He Must Be Creepy_ bandwagon. The other two are just dumb jocks looking to diss the little guy.”

“Little?” Loki arched an eyebrow in insult, though a smile made the corners of his mouth twitch. “I am taller than you by a good handspan, my _little_ raptor. Would you care to perch upon my arm?”

_Oh, you are evil. In all the best ways._ Tony’s brain promptly took that image on a joyride.

Apparently so did Bruce’s, because JG clapped his hands over his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. “No. No. Absolutely not, I am _not_ allowing that image to settle in my brain. Just no.”

Natasha, who’d been silent until this point, grinned pure Ginsu knives. “Not nearly as bad as you might expect, Doc. The hood's great, but the leash is just…” She took Hawk’s red-faced astonishment with pure mischief.

“Nat!”

Bruce just groaned and clutched at his head more. “I am _not_ hearing this, I’m not. God, somebody sing _Louie Louie_ , quick.”

Tony gave in to laughter. “Nope, you get to enjoy that along with the rest of us. It’s too good to waste. Oh my God.” He lobbed a cushion at Loki. “No fair looking perfectly innocent, either. I say things like that and they threaten to lock me in my actual office and play waltzes for twelve hours like I’m freaking Ferdinand Marcos and they want revenge for JARVIS’ shoe collection. You, you say it and they think it’s all cute and cuddly and adorable.” He grinned broad and satisfied. “We are going to be a great team. They’ll all fall before us. Bwahahahahaha.”

Thor just looked confused, but Clint recovered before the big guy could get his mouth open. “I _meant_ metaphorically.” More mischief kindled itself in those gray eyes. “Warrior, mage...you’re the cultural equivalent of the 98-pound weakling. Like Cap before the serum.”

“I was little and I wasn’t full of muscles. It doesn’t mean I was weak. Just like it doesn’t mean Loki wasn’t a warrior.” Cap growled. “I gotta say, I don’t think much of Asgard’s ideas of what makes up a warrior. A soldier should be a man of honor and fidelity, loyal to his team and true to his country. Courteous to others, merciful to the defeated, and humble about his own accomplishments. I don’t see a lot of that here.” Red, White, and Affronted was both frightening and hot. Loki’s face screamed agreement.

Now the Thunder God got a few sparks of his own going. But just about the time that bearded and moustached mouth went to open, Goldilocks looked like he realized he couldn’t defend quite _all_ of that on his own behalf even, let alone on behalf of the Warettes. Hell, Sif and the boys couldn’t claim a tenth of it. Instead, he straightened. “I would see this film depicting our recent history. I would judge for myself.”

“It’s okay.” Spangles rested a big hand on Loki’s wrist. Not holding it, just setting it there. Funny how the big guy stumbled and fumbled around, but the minute he had someone to protect everything started firing in perfect order. He’d seen Reindeer Games panic before Tony even saw it rob the color from Loki’s face. “The things you did that you regret, they’re things any of us could have done. They’re understandable reactions to what happened to you. They aren’t the actions of a monster or a creature made of evil.” Now his fingers tightened. “They aren’t.”

God, Coulson’s fanboying had nothing on the expression transforming Loki’s face into a work of art. Gratitude, astonishment, just...Christmas and birthdays and the Cheeseburger Fest at Tommy’s all wrapped up into one gilt package. Loki still swallowed hard, but he nodded and some of the tension eased away.

“I’m right here. We’re _all_ right here. You aren’t alone.” Cap looked up at the ceiling, a cute habit he’d developed for addressing JARVIS, like you needed to look somewhere for the AI. “J.” He paused and cleared his throat, new to the diminutive. “J., could you please pull up the first movie. _Thor_. Show the whole thing.”

Tony started to protest, then he remembered that a lot of that stuff didn’t show Thor in the rosiest glow. Good call.

“When it’s done, show the excerpts from _Avengers_ , the parts showing what really happened to Loki. Thanks.”

“Certainly, Captain Rogers. And you are most welcome.”

Okay, Spangles was getting quite the collection of fanboys. JARVIS actually sounded breathless.

Tony took some amount of mercy on Point Break and handed him a bottle of something. It was pink. “Take a load off. Drink something. You’ll probably need it.” Then he settled in to watch. “Yo! Wizard Boy, I don’t suppose your brief stint as would-be ruler of Midgard acquainted you with popcorn? Because it would be completely awesome if you could conjure some up.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “Dude, he lived me. Popcorn was Day Two. Seriously. I was mind-controlled, not brain damaged.”

Now that little _ehehehehe_ laugh after the panic was really nice. “I do not know the genetic makeup of the corn you use on Midgard, and as such cannot conjure it, but I believe we have a native variety that should work as well.” Loki leaned toward the fire pit, his glowy magic pulling some of the coals into a pile surrounded by a force field of some sort. The top of it was a perfect fit for the covered cauldron that appeared next. “Now, I believe it requires a bit of oil to work properly, yes?”


	9. At the Late-Nite, Double-Feature Picture Show

Within five minutes they were all kicked back with massive bowls of the best popcorn Tony had ever eaten. The stuff was barely buttered and not even salted, and it still tasted heavenly. Damn, he needed to see if this Asgardian corn could be cultivated on Earth.

Tony protested the few times Barton threw kernels at the screen to protest Xena and Stooges’ asshat antics. The stuff was too good to waste on those bozos. Loki appreciated the sentiment, though, looking surprised every time it happened. Cringing a bit, too. Yeah, it couldn’t be easy, seeing the most emotionally crippling moments of your life played out as entertainment.

Thor watched in silence, snack ignored, broad hand rubbing over his chin. Few cringes there, too—obviously not fun watching your slightly younger and stupider self being a total prick. Gold brows drew together as he saw Loki’s first reaction to the Jotun warrior’s grip, then later in the weapons vault as that heartbreaking conversation with Odin took place. Tony got the impression Thor had gotten only the barest nutshell of how Loki had responded to the revelation that his entire life had been a lie.

Tony didn’t miss the way the two of them kept stealing little glances at each other, trying to gauge the other’s reaction, to figure out what the other was thinking. It would be amusing if it wasn’t so flaming sad.

Thor finally spoke after the on-screen Loki had lied about Odin’s death. “You reacted from panic. You feared I would return before you completed what you wished to accomplish.” Thor looked openly at Loki for the first time. “You never behave thus in the heat of battle. ’Tis you who maintains clarity of thought when I and the others are consumed by the lust of war. Not even with a nest of dragons bearing down upon us have I seen you so lose your head.”

Loki’s shoulders lifted. “I had no support among the people. It mattered not Mother had placed the scepter in my hand. They never asked, only assumed. The treason was immediate and complete. I had to do something to protect Asgard from a war. It was what Father would have wanted, what he tried to teach you.”

“That last is not completely true, but the rest is sooth.” Thor held up his hand. “I understand. You had as much to prove to Father as I. Should I have returned, you thought I would take the throne and your chance would be no more. We were both so very wrong about what we needed to do.” Thor sighed as he watched the turmoil play out on the screen. He gestured toward it. “It happened but a breath ago, yet I feel eons have passed. I no longer know either of those men.”

“You know not the half of it. Eons and more.” Loki’s soft comment wasn’t meant for Thor, nor anybody really. Steve’s hand tightened over the Trickster’s wrist again, all comfort.

Thor’s brow knotted up, but for once he let it go, watching the movie. The frown dug deeper lines whenever he glanced at Cap’s fingers on Loki’s wrist, but he kept quiet about it. Good thing. Tony figured Old Patch-Eye-No-Hook wouldn’t take kindly to the twenty-seven different items Tony had come up with for retribution if Thor got pissy about a little TLC for the Lokester.

It wasn’t any easier to watch as Loki fell apart a little more each moment, running on terror, so sure he was headed for execution anyway he poked and prodded to make it come that much sooner. Tony’s chest hurt all over again.

The final battle scene had both brothers sitting with clenched fists and white faces. Tony suspected Loki would have bolted from the room if not for Spangles’ fingers resting light on the back of his hand. On the other hand, Tony doubted Thor could move. He stared at the screen with glassy, horrified eyes—a man trapped in a nightmare.

Clint started to say something as the credits faded out, but Tony warned him off with a shake of his head. The worst was actually yet to come, and Point Break looked like hell already. This wouldn’t make him look any cheerier.

Steve was already whispering something in Loki’s ear, all sincerity and urgency, doing his best to keep their Trickster grounded as the kid shook his head and looked about two seconds from breaking out in sobs. Broad fingers closed over much leaner ones as Cap poured on the earnest caring. Tony would leave him to it. Loki couldn’t be in better hands. Besides, Tony sucked at this emotional crap. He really hoped Tasha had some idea what to do when Thor saw this next bit.

_Fury’s gaze held a world of secrets. “If we can figure out how to tap into it, maybe unlimited power.”_

_Dr. Selvig stared at the glowing cube a moment; then a familiar form stepped into view, Loki’s gaze boring toward the Swedish physicist’s head, planting a message._

_“Well, I guess that’s worth a look.”_

“Your face! Who has done this to you, Loki?” The nightmare found a new level of horror for Thor. “How…” He looked from the blank screen to his brother. A tremor ran through his massive frame. Tony suspected it wasn’t fear. “Those are grievous injuries. What had happened to you?”

“The Void is not as empty as we had believed.” Loki focused on the fire. “There are creatures there beyond your imagining.”

Tony could understand the reluctance in Loki’s voice. His culture stressed strength and power above everything else. A real man never gave in. He laughed in the face of pain because it was the warrior way. But Loki had caved. Someone—some _thing_ —had proven bigger and badder than the God of Chaos. He’d been enslaved to another’s will.

Steve leaned close again, murmuring something Tony couldn’t hear. This time Loki nodded. Steve squeezed his hand. “Loki barely survived falling. Then he was captured by those beings.” Apparently, Steve had been asking to take up the role of Loki’s spokesman. Or at least, that was part of what he’d been asking. “There are some more clips you need to see. They explain more.”

“Do you wish me to play the clips now, Captain Rogers?” Good God, JARVIS needed a tune-up to get rid of that eager-puppy tone. The AI almost freaking squeaked in his enthusiasm to do something Cap liked.

“Please.” If Steve got any closer, he’d squash Loki. As it was, he transferred his comforting hold from Loki’s hand to an arm placed very gingerly over the Trickster’s shoulders. The low hum of Red, White, and Overly Protective’s voice could barely be heard, though Tony couldn’t make out any words. Loki nodded on occasion as his appearance on Earth and his plan for conquest played out.

_The Tesseract has awakened…_

Damn it, the poor kid actually shook as the Other’s voice echoed over the speakers.

_...our ally knows its workings as they never will. He is ready to lead…_

JARVIS had cut the clip before Loki attacked the SHIELD personnel, but Clint protested. “No, I want Thor to see this. That was all battle skills. He fired only two shots from that scepter. The rest was hand-to-hand.”

“My brother trained on Asgard. Though the soldiers of SHIELD are worthy, they are still of Midgard.” Thor’s tone indicated a little Asgardian girl could beat them up. Yeah, that jerk gene wasn’t entirely under control yet. No wonder Loki stabbed him.

Cap held up a hand again. “Let it go for now, Clint. We’ve got some tender territory to cover. We don’t need to drag it out.”

“Fine.” Clint crossed his arms. “But I would like you to notice that Loki only killed when it was necessary. Whenever possible, he just disabled vehicles that were pursuing us. See? There. He could have killed those guys outright. And later, note that he takes down Fury’s helicopter rather than blasting it into pieces. Loki isn’t my favorite person—” Clint shrugged and took Rudolph’s amused glance with grace enough. “But I do remember our orders were to keep our strikes clean, limiting collateral damage to just what was necessary. He wasn’t bloodthirsty.”

The clip switched to Loki’s hideout in what looked like an old subway station long abandoned, Dr. Selvig hard at work on the portal machine and assistant lab rats scurrying around. Then to Loki himself, sitting alone, suddenly summoned via psychic link of some sort, to face The Other. The Loki sitting with Steve paled and looked away from the screen, lean hands trembling against his tunic. Steve’s touch on his shoulder became a rub, a reminder Loki didn’t face it alone this time.

“What is this being? I do not know this realm. The invasion was not of your design?” Thor frowned in disbelief at the screen. Blue eyes went huge as The Other offered torture if the younger prince failed and left a clearly fearful Loki in the aftermath. “Who is he that he may threaten you? That he strikes you from afar? Loki! Why have you said naught of this?”

The weary grief in Loki’s eyes made Tony’s gut ache all over again. “Would it have made any difference? Would you have run to my defense?” The Trickster pulled into himself, arms crossed, moving away from Cap’s touch. Not much though, Tony noted. But definitely a wall going up. Spangles just happened to be in the crossfire.

Thor opened his mouth, moved it helplessly a few times, then shut it again. Yeah, that was about what Tony thought.

Clint took that about as well as he did most things. “Your brother had the same whammy laid on him as was laid on me. He got mind-fucked, too. His was just a little higher up the food chain and came with the executive perk of physical torture.” He burrowed deeper into the nest he’d made on the decorative whatever with a couple pillows and a fur something, then glanced at Loki and made a bro-fist. “Thanks for skipping that part. Absolutely appreciate that, man.”

Loki blinked, then one corner of his mouth turned up just the tiniest bit. Some of the tension eased out of his shoulders, though. Whatever Cap murmured in his ear got a slight nod.

The rest of the abridged footage passed quickly, as Thor knew what was going on once he showed up in the film. The thunder god sat for a good couple of minutes, letting it all roll through his thick skull.

The thought of what they’d sent Loki back to still made Tony cringe. And he happily watched Thor’s misery as his on-screen version hauled Loki off in chains. Good. Maybe they’d gotten through to him. The big guy started to rise. “Hang on. That’s not all.”

Loki’s eyes went very wide. “What more is there? What else is displayed?” They grew wider yet when the inky blackness of space appeared, a staircase winding through nothing to a great stone throne barely visible. “No.” The word pushed out on a long breath, almost a whisper, as he drew back.

_“Humans. They are not the cowering wretches we were promised. They stand. They are unruly and therefore cannot be ruled.”_ The Other sounded about as put out by that as a...grey alien dude could be. Then a purple hand moved, someone big stood up, The Other bowed down, and Loki nearly came unglued. The same man who’d asked for a drink after being smashed by the Hulk and surrounded by the Avengers, who compared Nick Fury to an ant with a smile, who called Black Widow a quim and lived, had a hand up as if to ward off the figure on the screen as he backed up and would have fallen off the couch if Steve hadn’t caught him.

_“To challenge them is to court death.”_

The camera switched to the purple person turning around, a big old smirk on...his...face. Just pure glee at the thought of courting death.

The whispers crossing Loki’s lips were in a language Tony didn’t understand, but just the tone got the idea across. Fervent prayer to whatever deities a demigod prayed to, a plea for mercy and escape from…that.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Loki, it’s an image on a screen. Nothing more. He’s not here.” Cap caught the young prince as Loki tried to embed himself in Cap’s skin, a strong embrace, turning them so Cap stood between Loki and the purple guy. “You’re not alone. I’ve got you. It’s really okay.”

Loki was shaking his head, deep in the grip of some sort of PTSD attack. So that’s what they looked like from the outside. _Huh._ “No. It will never be okay. You heard. They will find me one day and pain will be a blessing compared to what they will do to me. I will beg for death.”

“They’ll have to come through us first. Count on that.” Firm and unarguable. Tony could almost hear the chorus of “damn straight” coming from the rest. Only Clint got it out loud. Tony wanted to.

Trickster green met Hawk grey. “I...” Loki slumped, eyes closing, nearly going limp in Cap’s arms. “You mean it. I truly am one of your number.” He slowly opened his eyes, something there besides fear now. “So be it. For however short my time, then, and if Odin will allow me the chance, may you find my tricks of more use than Asgard did.”

“If...if I tell Father I will watch over you, he may be better disposed to allow it.” Thor glanced up from the floor, just barely meeting Loki’s gaze under gold brows. “As we will fight together and as such I will be able to see you, it will not be an untruth. Such friendship as you have been offered should not be cast aside, not when it is greater than any I have ever offered you, brother.”

Loki stared, for once that impressive mouth silent. The purple guy really scared the crap out of Rudolph. They’d need to find out more about him. Gently.

Tony clapped his hands. “Good. That’s settled then. Thor talks to Patch-Eye. If that doesn’t work, Steve and I talk to him. If that doesn’t work, Nat talks to him. If there’s anything left after that conversation, Hulk and Hawkeye get the remains. Fine. There’s our plan.”

“First, as you said, I must go to Earth and bring Jane to safety.” Thor called Mjolnir into his hand. “Father is still calling our defenses together. It will be a little time before we can speak to him of this.” Far kinder eyes than Tony had seen to date rested on Loki. “You are in most capable company, brother. It will be safe for now.”

Loki’s raised brow stated Thor was a mentally deficient oaf and always had been. It was also probably the closest to a brotherly expression Tony had yet seen Angry Smurf turn on his brother. “Yes, yes. Go then and don’t dally. And avoid unnecessary duels. Actually, avoid all duels. Else you will linger on Midgard for ages, for you’ve no restraint, and I’d rather settle this all before the mortals die of old age.”

Was that actually a _smirk_ accompanying Cap’s little snort? Damn, maybe Lokes was gonna be good for the team all around. He might even teach Spangles a sense of humor.

Thor, oddly enough, looked pleased as well. Maybe it was something in the mead. Or the constant glare from all the gold walls. Either way, he had a little smile on his face as he sauntered off, hammer swinging, to go fetch his squeeze.

Tony shook his head. “I’m not even going to ask if all Asgardians are crazy.”

 

***

 

It didn’t take a genius to figure out Loki was still spooked beyond belief. And as Tony was a genius, it took even less time to get the rest of the team busy with other things so Cap could calm Reindeer Games down a little and maybe find out who this Thanos guy was. Bruce went to see if he could get an audience with Queen Frigga, to hopefully enlist her support for getting Lokes onto the Avengers team with Odin’s blessing. Hawk and Widow were all too happy to go spy on the Warrettes and see if any new sedition was being cooked up. Tony could tell Clint really wanted an excuse to beat someone to a pulp.

Tony stretched out on his chair, feet up. “So, wanna bet me something fun and interesting that if it comes down to a fight Catwoman and Robin can take out Xena and the Van-Dells? How about it? You know Nat can take out that Fandral creep in her sleep with a pillowcase.” He grinned at Loki. “I bet you could, too.”

Those green eyes filled with terror again now that most everybody was gone, looking way too big in a pale face gone about ten shades paler. Okay, clearly humor was not going to ease this one.

“JARVIS, turn off that image, please.” Cap led Loki back over to the sofa, easing the kid down. “See? It’s just a picture. He’s not here. You’re here with us.” A comforting arm wrapped around Loki’s shoulders again. “Do you want a drink or something? What can we do to help?”

A shudder ran through the slender frame. “I am the Fallen Prince of Asgard, the Terror of Midgard. Millions fear the sound of my name. Yet I tremble like a child when faced with _that_. It is pathetic that I am reduced to this by him.” Loki dropped his head into his hands. “I hate him for that more than the torments he visited on me.”

“I understand.” Steve took that incredulous glance with perfect calm. “I actually do. To a point, I mean. So does Tony. We’ve both been at the mercy of cruelty, control. We call them bullies on Earth. The details might differ, but the core’s the same. We’re not going to fault you for being scared. Or for being angry.”

“Anger is a pale and tepid description of my feelings.” Still, Rudolph had himself more under control when he raised his head. “He could hardly be called a bully, either, Steven. A being who wishes to wed Death and clasp her to his bosom is a bit more than that. He destroys worlds, killing their whole populations to hand her souls in foul bouquets.” He collapsed on the couch. “He is ancient and insane. And I dared match wits with him.” His laugh held hysteria. “He isn’t the only one who is mad.”

_Okay…_ The lurch in Tony’s stomach matched the horror in Cap’s eyes. Slightly more scary than Hitler, Hydra, or the Ten Rings. Combined. On steroids.

“So, ah. That’s the guy who went after Earth, and you figured out a way around his mind control enough to stop him?” Tony needed to start drinking again. “Yeah. That’s fairly crazy. Did I say thank you yet?”

“Sounds pretty heroic to me.” Steve got up and pulled several bottles off the drinks table, bringing them back to the sofa and setting them on the floor. “I think maybe we ought to let Odin know how grateful we are to you for that. Seems to me it’s about time Asgard got an idea of just how good a prince you are.”

Loki snorted. “It will not matter. I am Jötun.”

Steve’s brows drew together. “What difference does that make?” Spangles seemed genuinely surprised.

Loki had a really ugly laugh when he wanted to. “Oh, it makes every difference. It means I was born a monster. I am by nature a savage beast, incapable of honor or decency. I am, by right of birth, unable to feel love or any of the softer emotions—confined to hate and rage as befits a base animal. To the Asgardian mind, I should have been put down when Odin found me like the rabid cur I am, my brains dashed out as had been all other Jötun infants caught up by an Aesir during the war. To them, it is a scandal he let me live.” The hard, razor-edged grin faded. “So yes, my dear captain, it makes a difference.”

Oh, righteous indignation did look good on Fourth of July. Screw the freaking Hammer of Thunder; that towering, protective rage nearly called up a storm all on its own. “Let me tell you something. From where I’m sitting, you’ve shown more honor and decency than any Asgardian I’ve met so far, and that includes Thor. It _shouldn’t_ matter you’re biologically Jötun. You saved them from invasion, from a war your brother started, you tried like hell to be a good king even though you never sought it and probably figured any moment someone would rip it from you. You’ve done as well as you could for them while you were in the middle of a huge emotional crisis, and you risked torture and death to keep Thanos away from them.” That granite jaw set again. “And yes, I’d stand right in the middle of that gold stadium and say it out loud to the lot of them.”

Loki stared at Steve, torn between wonder and disbelief. Spangles brought that out in people. Come to think of it, Loki looked a lot like Coulson at the moment. And if that wasn’t a new level of surreal, nothing was. But yeah, same look. Agent always lost about thirty years whenever he got near the Capsicle, turning into some bright-eyed kid, all full of hope with an odd sort of innocence. Loki looked a lot more like the kid who went off to Jötunheim right now than the man who gave up everything pretending to lead an invasion of Earth.

“My mother sent me books to ease the boredom of imprisonment. Many were from Midgard, though I doubt she knew why I would read of your realm. I wanted to know more of the people I’d s—” He veiled his eyes with lashes long enough to make Tony’s last five dates cry. “I read much of your Earth, your history and stories. What you believed of me, before. There are many tales of me throughout your world, Steven.” He lifted his gaze to meet the First Avenger’s. “There is a Midgardian legend of a creature of unswerving loyalty and fidelity. So pure and good none other could compare. Exemplary and above reproach. Yet, this paragon cared for _me_ enough to stand between me and my just punishment because Loyalty felt it too harsh. There existed within the heart of Fidelity an affection—for me—which could not countenance injustice.” The air in the room felt thin, oxygen hard to find. “I, whom all despise. Would you do as that legend did, Captain, and shield me from the venom and hatred of Asgard?”

A bit of color rose in Cap’s face, but his gaze never wavered. “Already said I would, didn’t I? I wasn’t just saying it to be nice.”

“You are truly like none other, Steven Rogers. Were more men as you are, the Nine would be very different.” Loki sank down on the couch. “But they are not. Their opinion of me will not change, dear Steven. But for your sake, and for the knowledge that there is one at least who does not see me as a monster, I will try to act the role less often.” The smile, lord, the smile! That could melt hearts and cure cancer. “For your sake.”

Cap returned the smile. “Believe me, if I thought I could break that...thing...Odin’s got on you, I would. But I figure it’s probably stronger than me. So I guess the best we can do for now is just wait and rest up until Thor gets back. Unless you’ve got a map of the area we’re heading into stashed up your sleeve. It’d be helpful to get the lay of the land before we’re in the middle of it.”

“There are none. The dark elves guard their secrets most jealously. I would sketch what I know for you, but the instant I do, my usefulness to Odin ends and I return to my cell.” Rudolph’s head tilt said _what is a guy supposed to do?_

“You’re not going back to that cell.”

Okay, one too many adoring looks for close proximity now. Tony got up and stretched, made an excuse about wanting to check on JARVIS and ducked into the sleeping area of the suite. There were a couple of things he actually did want to check on. Best to leave Spangles and Rudolph to their budding bromance.

“Okay, J. So, give me the scoop. Who’s this wunderkind all willing to be Kevin Costner for Loki’s Whitney Houston?” Tony kept his voice pitched low. This was working out to be too much fun.

“If you are referring to the Norse legend Prince Loki spoke of, sir, the ally in question would be Sigyn, goddess of loyalty and fidelity, the wife of Loki in the mythology. It was she who stood with a bowl in her hands to protect the chained Loki from the venom dripping from a great serpent. When the bowl was full and she had to pull it away to empty it, the legend says the venom caused Loki to writhe so violently the whole earth shook.”

“Wife? He had a wife. I mean, obviously he doesn’t here, or she’s dropped him faster than a celebutaunt’s first husband. Wow.” Tony snickered. “Oh man, that’s great. Wife.” He curled around himself in pure amusement. “That is just—Can’t you see see that? Oh my God.” He laughed some more, throat hurting from trying to keep quiet. “Jesus, that is just the best ever.”

The AI sounded put out at the dig to his new crush. “Yes, sir, most amusing.”

Eventually Tony managed to breathe somewhat naturally again. He stretched out on the bed, pillows propped behind him, as he considered the situation. “You know, it wouldn’t be all _that_ terrible. Loki’s prettier than most of the women I’ve dated and probably way less likely to cheat on Spangles. World domination issues aside, the kid doesn’t strike me as the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. God knows, the Super Pop is useless with women. This might be his only chance.” He crossed his ankles. “Whatdaya think?”

If the AI had an actual face, it’d probably be wearing Cap’s Glare-O-Death. As it was, the tone of voice could dry out the Pacific. “I rather think Prince Loki is correct and Captain Rogers should avoid relationship advice from you, sir.”

“I’m pretty sure I coded you for romance. Did you disable that section? Naughty JARVIS!” Tony twinkled at the empty air and grinned. “Or, no! You’re not still at that age where you think kissing is icky and will give you cooties, are you? Do we need to sit down and have The Talk? Because, you know, I was sure I programmed you to understand all that, too. And you’ve seen me.”

“Incessantly, sir.” Eye-roll voice and still just as dry. “Romance aside, Captain Rogers’ ministrations do seem to have had a calming effect. I am reading a substantial normalizing of Prince Loki’s vital signs. The post-trauma episode seems to have run its course.”

Tony shuddered. Usually words connected to trauma were associated with him. He’d come to deeply dislike the word and all connected to it. “Poor kid. Tortured by this Thanos creep, then brought home to be tortured some more. Jeeze. Remind me my life is not as fucked up as I thought it was.” Tony pushed up off the amazingly comfortable mattress and made his way back to the living area to check on their little godling.

He had to push his fist into his mouth and nearly curl into a ball to keep from squealing and then laughing like a lunatic.

Loki, God of Mischief, Fire, Chaos and who knew what else, was zonked out on the sofa, so relaxed he looked about twelve, with his head resting on one of Steve’s thighs. Cap had a protective hand on Loki’s arm and stared into the fire while Rudolph snored lightly.

It took more willpower than a recovering junkie at a Grateful Dead concert, but Tony managed to not throw himself on the floor and flail. He actually found oxygen again and sat down across from the pair, though that might have been a bad idea because seriously, Loki-pie napping on Spangles? Cutest. Thing. EVER.

“Ahm. All that stuff earlier sort of...wore him out?” Tony’s voice squeaked.

Calm blue eyes focused on him, voice pitched soft but lethally serious. “Wake him up and I’ll put you through a wall. It’s probably the first real calm sleep he’s had in ages.”

Tony held his hands up. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Besides, he’s sort of cute that way. And quiet.”

“I can’t believe how much we missed, Tony. How much we didn’t see and should have. We could have stopped what happened in New York if we’d just _known_.” Cap’s fingers, too damn elegant for a guy his size, drifted over the weave of Loki’s tunic. “And if Asgard is supposed to be somebody’s idea of heaven, they were crazy.”

“With you on that one. It’s sure enough to make anyone halfway sane rapidly join the inmates.” Tony nodded toward the Lokster. “Sleeping Beauty is a prime example of that. Decent kid, sensitive, intelligent, loving disposition. They drove him straight to _High Anxiety_. He’s got issues Dr. Phil wouldn’t touch. And they’re just making it worse every day.”

“Which is why we’re getting him out of here. I don’t care what it takes.” Steve glanced up and held a finger to his lips as Bruce walked back in, ignoring the flight of dark brows up over Jolly Green’s eyes. “Any luck with Queen Frigga? She seems about the only person around who has any genuine affection at all for Loki.”

“I won’t argue with that much. I think Thor loves his brother, but Thor’s as messed up as Loki.” Bruce settled into a chair as soft and easy as his speaking voice. “Frigga wants to help her sons. Just don’t expect a lot. She’s a strong woman who’s been raised to believe her husband and king’s word should not be questioned in public and even if questioned in private, he still has the final say. Think Victorian mentality hyped up on speed, okay? Odin’s word literally is law. She can ask, but she can’t counter any ruling he hands down. It would be both scandalous and treasonous.”

The solemn nod from Spangles told Tony that wasn’t unexpected news. It had been a hope, not a cinch. “Then we’ll deal with it when it comes. Right now we focus on helping them protect their borders.”

Bruce nodded. “I don’t mind that. I don’t like the idea of some nutcase wanting to return the universe to the way it was before the Big Bang. That just doesn’t sound comfortable.”

“Yeah.” Protective Mode switched over to Field Commander for a sec. “You two go get a little shut-eye before Thor gets back. I figure he’ll need an hour or so after that to get Dr. Foster settled. I’ll send Hawk and Widow to do the same when they get back.” Blue eyes rolled at the brow Tony raised. “I can doze off here just fine. I don’t need that much sleep.”

The urge to either roll on the floor and flail like a fifteen-year-old girl or snark like the manly-man he was raged through Tony. He-Man, Master of the Universe, won. Barely. Because the flailing girl was distracted by the flutter of Loki’s eyelashes as he dreamed. “‘Kay.” He was all squeaky-voice again. “Let me know if you two need anything. I’ll just be right in the other room, while you sit here. And…” _Oh God! Not going to burst out laughing! Not!_ “And, ahm, watch Loki sleep.” _Flail alert! Run, Will Robinson!_ “I’m going now.” Retreat truly was the better part of valor, especially when Cap had biceps the size of velociraptors and a temper to match.

Apparently Cap had offered his empty bunk to JG, because Bruce tapped at the door frame a moment later. He closed the door after Tony waved him in, amusement warring with confusion on his swarthy face. “What the hell is going on out there? Or do I want to know?”

“Oh thank God. I need to talk to someone before I explode. Take a load off.” Tony waved to the luxurious second bed. “Our golden boy, our sweet little baby, has gone full pit bull over Loki. He’s all _no one touches Rudolph, no one bullies him, no one disses him, no one looks at him cross-eyed_. Not unless they want Red, White, and Pissed-off all up in their face.” He carefully lowered his voice, realizing it had begun to climb. “And get this—there’s an ancient Norse story of Loki being married to the embodiment of Loyalty and Fidelity, who loved the Trix Rabbit so much she was willing to protect him when he was sentenced to torture for some crime or the other.” He rushed on before Bruce could interrupt. “Loki was all poetic about it, how this person was the purest and best and noblest, all while staring Cap straight in the eye, looking half a breath from either falling to his knees or kissing Spangles senseless.” Tony grinned. “Cap’s sworn he’ll be that person for Loki. I’m not joking! He swore it, and he hasn’t been out of contact with Rudolph since. It is beyond adorable.”

“So Steve is Sigyn?” Bruce shook his head, smiling, as he settled on the other bed. “I wouldn’t tell him that right now.”

“Wait. You knew this?” Tony stared at his science bro. “I don’t know if that’s impossibly hot or makes me want to punch you.” He considered for a moment. “Okay, still don’t know. I’ll work it out. But back to Steve. No! No way we can tell him. He’d curl up in a ball and become a hermit. He’d grow a beard and everything. It would be ugly. He’d look like Tom Hanks and only talk to basketballs. It would be bad. So, instead, we say nothing and just enjoy watching him be all Prince Charming, slaying dragons and cruel step-whatevers for Loki.” He grinned. “I’m telling you, Brucie, it really is The Cutest Thing Ever.”

“Volleyball. It was a volleyball.” Bruce plumped up a pillow and kicked off his loafers before he stretched out, one arm over his eyes. “And you know Steve. He’s happiest when he’s got an injustice to pummel. And Loki sure qualifies as one bigger boatload of injustice. Just keep your flailing to a minimum so he doesn’t punch you. And yeah, I knew about the legend. I studied a lot of different religions when I was looking for some way around the Other Guy. It’s not all physics in here, you know.”

“Okay, I’ll go for hot. Big brains just do it for me.” Tony flipped on his side, the better to observe JG. “I’m going to be very good. Like I said, it’s adorable. I know this is good for Loki and I think it’s good for Cap. He doesn’t have anyone who needs him, not him personally.”

“Loki needs a friend in his corner, yeah. Big time. And Steve gets him. Which is something I never thought I’d hear myself say. It’s been a surreal few hours since we landed here in Never-Never-Land.” Bruce moved his arm enough to crack one eye open at Tony. “Just out of curiosity, are you planning to actually sleep at all, or just spend the next two hours fangirling? Either’s fine, but you get to explain to Steve why we’re dragging on the border patrol thing.”

“Well, I could follow the hallowed examples of Edward Cullen and Steve Rogers and watch you sleep. Romance and all that.” Tony smirked. “Yeah, yeah. Sleep.” He flopped onto his back and grinned at the ceiling. It looked like this trip might be more interesting than he’d thought.


	10. That Saved a Wretch Like Me

Amazingly, the Warrettes had decided to kick back on their own without plotting to assassinate Loki, so the whole team managed about an hour and a half of shut-eye before they were summoned back to Shiny Gold Things R Us. Thor had arrived with the little woman, and Dr. Foster looked like a candidate for root canal, her mouth was hanging open so much.

Xena decided to be a bitch right from the get-go, marching up to Loki’s guards and getting in the face of the nearest. “Why are you not at your posts around the criminal? The Allfather’s orders were clear.” Then she peered into the guy’s face and drew back. “You were attacked? What force would dare attack the king’s guard within the halls of Asgard?”

“I slipped, my lady. I hit my head on a statue.”

Tony snickered and leaned his forehead on Loki’s shoulder. “Well, one reporter did compare Fourth of July to Michelangelo's _David_. It’s the lips. Totally. I’ll have to take you to Rome so you can see it. But it’s totally the lips.”

“Loki’s collared.” Oh, the disgust in Cap’s voice. “Seems to me the guards are fine right where they are. Maybe your prince can breathe a little for a change.”

Yeah, Spangles had not taken kindly to the attitude the Zombie Keystone Cops pulled when Loki stepped out of their guest quarters. When the moron now sporting a black eye made the mistake of grabbing the Lokester’s arm and jerking him forward with enough force Loki stumbled, well...Cap got more than a little protective. The Enforcer ended up on his ass halfway down the corridor, and his buds found themselves on the wrong end of the Widow’s Bite, Hawkeye’s arrows, and an Iron Man repulsor. Loki found himself pressed against a wall, surrounded by his new teammates, Jolly Green explaining it would all be okay, that no one was going to touch him. Luckily, the Asgardians took Cap’s advice to walk a decent distance behind the prince and they were spared explaining why there needed to be a cleanup on Aisle Three.

The Undead had been happily marching along doing their "O-Ee-Yah! Eoh-Ah!" chant like good little evil guardsmen until Ravenna showed up. The repulsor concealed in Tony’s palm itched to blast her skank ass across the floor. It would be funny as hell.

“Sif! Enough!” Odin’s voice rang across the football stadium. “Your concern is noted. But you waste time our enemy will use to gather his forces. My magic is sufficient for now.”

Yeah. For now. But Tony was working on that. JARVIS had a full scan of that thing around Loki’s neck and Tony had an idea or two on how to get it off if Patch Eye wouldn’t be cooperative. Magic might be the end-all, be-all of Asgard, but it hadn’t come up against good, hard science Stark-style yet. So Tony grinned at the Pirate King. “So, what’s the plan for today, Pendragon?”

“As Jane Foster is safe in our realm now, Thor’s company will depart immediately for the Wastelands.” _Okay, that stupid-mortal sneer down your nose is getting old real fast, Gramps._ “The sooner it is determined whether this film is prophecy or storytelling, the better advantage we have against Malekith should it prove sooth.”

“Just a minute.” Cap raised his voice and stepped forward, the suit looking really out of place here in Game of Thrones Land. “Before we leave, that collar needs to come off.”

“Are you mad?” Sif sprang to her feet. “Tis bad enough you’d have a rabid wolf in our company, but now you’d remove his muzzle?” She snorted, a distinctly unladylike action. “You have a wish to be murdered in your sleep, I see.”

Spangles ignored her completely, his gaze fixed on Odin. “You can't hobble him like this, sir. We have no idea what we're going to run into along the way or when we get there. I’ve led squads into dangerous situations, both firefights and reconnaissance. Every member of our team needs to be at 100%, and that includes Loki.”

Patch Eye frowned, one eye trained on Loki. “And should he choose to betray you and escape into the wilds of Asgard?”

_Way to go there, Dad._ Jeez. No wonder Loki wanted to stab people.

“He won’t.” Steve turned his head just enough to catch the eye of his new BFF as well, though with a hell of a lot more warmth in his gaze. “I have his word of honor.”

A not-so-soft chorus of snorts and snickers came from the Warettes.

A snowy eyebrow climbed and Odin shifted his gaze to Steve. “You would take the honor of the God of Lies as truth, mortal?”

Tony wanted to wipe Xena’s smug grin off with a nice plasma blast.

Man, there was the Russian Front Stare again, colder than anything they could possibly have come up with outside of that Jötunheim place. Cap straightened where another person might have been leaning forward to plead. “Sir, the way I figure it, nobody would know the value of the truth better.”

Thor held out a hand. “Friend Steven…”

_Don’t. Just don’t._

“Much as I commend your trust in my brother, I fear I must warn you before—”

“Asshole.” Tony kept his voice soft as he raised his index finger. “Avengers do not turn on their own. So shut up, Thor, before you do something really stupid.” Bad enough Loki had already retreated behind a cold, sneering mask.

The so-called Allfather stood there, unmoving, staring at Cap for a good solid minute. The silence in the cavernous hall felt like breathing 10-40 motor oil...through a straw.

“If I release Loki from his bonds, allow him to go with you as a wholly free man, there is a price.” How words that soft could sound so bone-chilling… “That price is yours and yours alone to bear. When he turns and betrays us all, when he escapes, the responsibility will fall upon _your_ head, Steven Rogers. Quite literally. You will be brought back into this very hall in the strongest and most enchanted of irons and beheaded without trial, without appeal. Do you understand what I am saying?”

“What the actual fuck?” Clint stared at the Allfather in slack-jawed horror.

Cap nodded, just once, without the slightest hesitation.

Odin and Loki vied for the title of Most Surprised Asgardian of the Decade. Patch Eye shook it off faster. “I jest not. Your head will be forfeit. Does your confidence in Loki run so deep, then?”

Steve locked his gaze with Loki, that jaw set and utter trust in his blue eyes. “Yes,sir.”

Loki looked like he’d just seen the messiah. Hell, maybe he had. Spangles was pure enough to qualify.

Clint looked like he wanted to nail Odin to a tree. “You people are seriously fucked up, you know that? Just seriously, completely, bat-shit crazy.” He shook his head, reaching for his bow. “We’re getting this fairy dude situation handled, then we are getting the hell outta Dodge and never coming back. Because you are all fucking nuts. I thought Loki was psycho, but he’s actually the sane one.”

“Clint. Shh.” Cap had turned his gaze back to Odin. Now he lifted one hand toward Loki. “Well? You said yourself we need to get moving.”

For a long moment Tony thought the old guy would refuse after all. Plainly, the Pirate King had never expected Cap to call his bluff. The old man thought no one trusted Loki. But after waiting about the time it took for three long and very uncomfortable breaths, he raised his hands, one still gripping that big-ass spear thing, and murmured to himself. Gold lightning shot from his hands to Loki’s wrists and the poor kid cried out in pain. The electricity ran over him before settling around the collar. Rudolph dropped to his hands and knees and the collar popped off, landing with a clank on the floor.

Bruce started toward the kid, but Cap waved him off,going to Loki himself and helping him up, taking the Trickster’s weight until his nervous system started firing in the right direction again. Steve looked at Odin again, nodding in as much of a bow as he could without letting go. “Thank you, sir.”

Odin shook his head. “You will not thank me when you stand before me for execution, Steven Rogers.”

 

* * *

* * *

 

Tony let the rest of the Avengers following the Warrettes pull ahead, leading the way to their gear for the expedition. Thor trailed behind the Warettes, subject to a lecture from both Clint and Bruce on the unacceptability of chopping off people’s heads for other people’s actions. Natasha stayed near, ready to smack Point Break around if he acted up again. That left Steve to take care of Loki and Tony to take care of Steve.

“Madness...that you would...it is madness, Steven.” Loki seemed to be faltering between dropping to his knees at Cap’s feet or slapping Spangles upside the head.

“Nope.” Cap just kept on walking down the stone hallway, totally relaxed now and smiling. “That thing’s off you. Smartest thing I’ve done all day.”

“At the risk of your life! You’re mad.” Loki grabbed Steve’s arm, fingers stark and pale against the blue of the uniform. “Odin has no mercy. He will kill you for the slightest cause. I…” He pulled Steve to a stop. “I will not betray you. I could never betray _you_. But there is so much that could go wrong, Steven.”

For a split-second Tony _knew_ Cap understood perfectly just how much could go wrong. It flashed in those clear blue eyes. Then it got stomped down behind a smile and a broad hand cupping the side of Loki’s head. “I know you won’t. And we’ll take each hurdle as we come to it. Come on, we need to make sure your mom stays safe.”

“As you will it, Steven Rogers.” Sincerity burned in those emerald eyes. “But I swear you this, only death could keep me from your side.”

“Well, as you’re a whole lot more indestructible than I am, I’m not worried.” That damn smile...honestly, Cap had no clue just how close he stood to hot- and cold-running sex if he could just figure out how to use that smile.

The damned man just turned Loki and headed down the hall like none of it mattered. Loki, smart boy that he was, didn’t even bother resisting. He just inched closer to that solid wall of support and sort of leaned on Steve. Tony grinned and enjoyed the view until they caught up with Warsilla and the Three Stooges arguing about the gear.

“What’s got Xena’s leather panties in a wad?”

Bruce, leaned against the heavy wood of a nearby door, rolled his eyes. “She’s trying to get the guards back on duty for Loki, to which Clint replied she could bite him. She says not a one of us is armored or armed decently, and therefore we shouldn’t even be going. Oh, and she wants Steve’s head on a platter now rather than later.”

“Yeah well, you know what Forrest says, _Bitchy is as Bitchy does_. Yo, Xena! Haul it out here, honey.” Tony waited for her to appear. “Okay, so I have your list of grievances. First, no guards. They’ll slow us down, get in the way, and jeopardize the mission. So ixnay on the ardguay, ‘kay? Next, Legolas does not do armor. It messes up his aim. We never screw with Legolas’ aim. Likewise, it messes with the Widow’s attacks. We won’t even go there. Bruce doesn’t need armor.” Tony grinned at Jolly Green. “In fact, if you have any armor he can’t shatter, I’d be shocked. Cap’s got the shield. Me, I got armor. I got armor like you never imagined. In fact, it’s time to suit up.” He concentrated on calling the suit, glad all over again he’d brought the Godkiller with him. “Oh yeah.”

Somber blue eyes considered him as the last piece joined into place and the helmet settled in his hand. “Have you a way to be less...shiny, Iron Man?” Thor’s mouth sort of quirked, but just sort of. “We will be in dense forest and barren moors. I fear you will be a target for our scavenger birds, who are attracted to bright objects.”

Tony grinned, enjoying the slack-jawed expressions on the Warrettes’ faces. He wondered how long it would take them to recover from watching pieces of his armor fly down the corridor and assemble themselves on his body. “Oh ye of little faith! Thor, I can make the helicarrier invisible. The suit has stealth, too.”

Blondie Elf Spice actually shrieked and nearly fell over his own feet backing up when Tony demonstrated. Admittedly, not having the helmet on made it a little late-night horror show, but really!

“What sorcery is this!”

“Tony…” Cap looked about two milliseconds from busting up laughing. He gave Blondie a thoroughly disgusted look. “Science. Not magic. I don’t get quite how it works myself, but it has something to do with bending light rays.”

“Magic and science have commonalities, then. I use my will to accomplish that which Tony does with machines. We will have much to speak of, should we survive, Tony.” Loki still leaned against Cap’s side. “However, much as it pains me, my oaf of a brother is correct. We must move through the Wastelands as quail, not as peacocks, a part of the land. I fear you are far too bright, my Steven.”

Clint snickered. “Yeah, that’s sorta one colorful quail.”

Spangles looked down at his uniform, brows drawing together. “Yeah. The one back in the war was a little less…”

“Deafening?”

“Clint, I am so going to put you through a wall one day.” Cap turned to his new buddy. “What would you suggest instead? Though I don’t know what we’ll do about the shield.”

Loki passed his hand over the shield and the patriotic colors dimmed to bronze and dull greens. “Allow me to have the dressing of you for this expedition, Steven Rogers. It would be my honor and privilege.”

Honestly, the dramatic gasps from the Warrettes were just… Cap ignored them just like everybody else, holding his hands apart. “Go for. Beats having to wade through the armory for an hour finding something that’ll fit.”

Head tilted to the side, Loki considered Spangles for a moment, then waved a hand. Gold light washed over Fourth of July from head to foot, leaving behind more of the bronze in patinated armor and deep green peridot gems, but with the addition of pale tans and subtle browns in leather, brushed silk, and soft cashmere. Tony blinked. “Wow. That’s...Yeah. The winged helmet is a nice touch. Are those celtic knot designs?”

“Sigils for protection and to keep my Steven hidden.” Loki surveyed the outfit with a critical eye.

Widow did the same as Clint piped in with a wolf-whistle. “Gotta say, Cap, it’s a nice look.”

Cap swung his head around as the knee-length cape brushed against him. “Man, I look like Thor. Sort of.” He turned back and grinned at Loki. “Thank you. It’s terrific.”

“Speaking of the great oaf.” Loki grimaced at Thor’s flowing cape. “Scarlet red is hardly subdued.”

Oh, the indecision on Point Break’s face. Clearly he didn’t really feel comfortable at the mercy of Lokes’ magic, but they were short of time. After a moment Thor sucked in a breath and looked his brother in the eye, though Tony caught the tremor in those big hands. “May I call upon your aid, brother? We must depart.”

Gold flowed over Thor, leaving behind copper and chestnut where there had been blinding red. The bright silver of his armor dulled, the finish a soft, satiny matte grey now. “There. Changed but not transformed. Let us away. Come, Steven.”

Tony had to keep from laughing as the Warrettes crowded around Thor while they walked to the stables, making sure the big guy was okay, not possessed or anything. _Good God, as if Loki would be that stupid. Even if Cap’s life wasn’t in his hands._ Tony knew the rest of the team was worried about that. But it would be okay. Loki was one of them now, and they’d prove it.

_Let the epic adventure begin._

* * *

* * *

 


	11. Chains of Love Got a Hold on Me

Tony felt for his companions—well, not the Spice Girls. They could suffer. In fact, he would add to their suffering faster than Johnny Cochran on a celebrity murder case. He praised his own genius for enabling flight in all his suits. Not only did he avoid having his backside abused by a huge-ass Asgardian horse, he could do aerial reconnaissance. Best of all worlds.

Still, he couldn’t really sleep in the armor, not comfortably anyway. So he’d suffer like the rest on the sucky bedrolls and tiny campfire. He’d listen to the others whine and make the best of it.

“I’m telling you, the damn thing tried to bite me!” Clint apparently had not gotten along with his horse from the moment of introduction, when the big grey mount blew a horse-sized raspberry and Hawk got a shower. Tony could just picture the entire ten hours of riding listening to Clint curse and the horse nicker back at him in the same tone. _I’m really, really glad I was in the air._

Sif snorted. “Such is Midgard’s finest.”

“Bite me, She-Ra.”

_Really, really glad._

Thor placed his considerable bulk between the two and set about trying to make peace. Tony figured that would work about as well as the Middle East peace talks, so he settled his bedroll next to Cap and Loki. If nothing else, at least there was amusement to be had there.

Tony had kept an eye on Rudolph and the Frozen Wonder. It had been too damned cute, watching Reindeer Games making sure Steverino could handle the horse okay. The two rode side by side whenever the terrain allowed, alternating their proximity to the Warrettes. He didn’t really want to know how nasty that had gotten.

“You were right. It really is beautiful out here. Even the barrens; there’s something...I don’t know, magical I guess, about it.” Cap had his hands laced behind his head as he leaned back against an old fallen log, looking better than anybody who’d spent ten hours on a horse in unfamiliar territory had any right to. “Reminds me of when I was in Europe. We didn’t have much time for enjoying the view, what of it wasn’t getting bombed to splinters, but a couple times in Italy we had a chance to catch our breath. Pretty country.”

“There are many places of beauty in the Nine Realms. I used to travel much before I was imprisoned. I found the joys of the other worlds greatly to my tastes.” Loki settled next to the soldier, long legs crossed Indian-fashion. “In another life, I would have had the chance to show them to you.”

Steve smiled as he stared up at the sky between the massive conifers. “There’s a saying on Earth I like: Never say never. Who knows, maybe one day you can show them to me.” He glanced over at the snipe-fest still going on. “You know, I’m half-tempted to ask you to actually turn him into a hawk for a while. Then he could go perch somewhere and quit bellyaching. But I don’t think I feel like being on the receiving end of Widow’s bite.” A bright grin landed on Tony. “How long you figure before she strings Sif up?”

Holy— Rudolph had a grin to match Steve’s and it smacked into Tony, too. “Yes, do tell!”

Tony laughed and tried to find a spot where a rock didn’t dig into his hip. “Well, if we go to sleep pretty quick she might survive the night and then we’ll hit the road in the morning right away. So Xena will make it until tomorrow night. If we sit around shooting the shit tonight, she won’t make it to bedtime.”

“Good idea. You got JARVIS on nightwatch?” Tony nodded, and Cap sat up to address the group. Damn, that Asgardian armor made him look like fucking Prince Charming for real. “It’s been a long day, folks. Call it and get some shut-eye. Tomorrow will start early and be just as long.”

“Works just fine for me. C’mon, Nat.” Clint slapped his bedroll down just inside the perimeter like he didn’t plan on getting up for a week.

“Indeed. A wise plan, friend Steven.” Thor settled into his blankets with all appearances of imitating Clint.

Sif, however, glared at them all, only partly because of Cap calling the shots. “Do we leave the traitor free, then? Surely he will be bound while we sleep at least.”

“No, he will not.” Oh yeah, Spangles had reached his limit with Xena. “Loki’s an equal part of this company. And he’s to be treated as such. Right now, the biggest thorn in my side is you. Not him.”

“I will not remain where my safety and that of my shield-brothers is threatened by allowing a murderer to remain without sufficient guard. Bind him, or the Warriors Three and I return to Asgard where all shall know how reckless and uncaring you are.” Xena’s face could curdle whiskey.

Cap was half off his bedroll when Loki’s hand restrained him. “Steven, do as she asks.”

Blond hair whipped into blue eyes, Cap whirled so fast.

“Truly. It is petty and, yes, humiliating. But I have borne such before. Protecting Mother is more important than Sif’s spite.”

Steve’s mouth worked silently and for a moment Tony thought for sure Cap was going to declare out loud they’d sworn Loki would never be in any sort of chains again. That message rang bright and clear in that blue gaze, the bright moisture at the corners catching the firelight at an angle no one but Tony could see it. After a moment, though, Cap pulled it together and swung on Xena as she advanced with two wicked-looking pair of heavy shackles designed for wrists and ankles. He snatched them out of her hands. “Fine. But you stay the hell away from him. All of you. I catch you within ten feet and so help me God—”

For a man about to be put in irons, Loki looked damned pleased. He was giving Steve the anime eyes again. All trust and worship.

Cap winced at every creak of hinge and clink of latch, his eyes never leaving Loki’s. “I’m so sorry about this.”

“Do not let it trouble you so, my Steven. It is nothing. The whims of a jealous, mean-spirited hag. It is not of your doing.” Loki damn near caressed Cap with his eyes alone. “You have nothing for which to feel shame.”

With a nod, Cap stood and walked right up to Xena, towering over her. That damned armor looked better by the minute. “I want the key. Now. I’m not trusting his safety to a bunch of people who’d just as soon stick a knife into him.”

She snorted, not intimidated at all by his height or bulk. Then again, she hung out with Point Break. “You have already demonstrated you would free him at a moment’s notice. I will not place the means of his escape in the hands of a liar and a traitor to his own kind.”

“Now just a minute!”

“Clint.” That was all it took to stop Hawk coming up off his bedroll, hunting knife half out of its sheath. Cap hadn’t moved, staring down at her like the Snows of Jötunheim from the film. “He’s not going to run off. Besides, even if I thought for one minute he was, it’s my head on the block. You think I don't know you’re just aching to slap these on me and drag me back to Asgard?” Cap turned his head just enough to speak to Tony, though his gaze didn’t move. “Why do people think I'm stupid?”

“The curse of being blond and pretty.” Tony shrugged. “It’s a stereotype, yes. But then you end up somewhere like Asgard that just proves the truth of trope. See, Sif’s a natural blond. ‘Stupid is as stupid does,’ Forrest.”

 _Woah! Pretty, shiny sword close-up and personal._ Tony couldn’t even get the jewels on the hilt to come into focus. The chill of it tickled right over his carotid.

“Enough!” Thor’s voice shook the trees around them. “If it pleases, Steven—”

“Pleases!” Sif stared up in shock. “Who is he, that you beg his pardon? He is but a mortal. You are our prince!”

The God of Thunder favored her with a glare that categorized at F5, easy. “He is the leader of the Avengers. I have followed him into battle many times. He is a man of honor, which you have slandered, and of great strategy and wisdom, which you are contesting as you would never contest me. And _I_ say you will desist both at once.” Now the tornado softened. “If it pleases, Steven, I would hold the key to my brother’s bonds for this night. Will this calm tempers all around?”

Loki leaned in close, all earnest sincerity, whispering something to Cap, lean fingers tangled in the amber-waves-of-grain armor. Mr. Protective nodded at Thor and Loki slumped a bit, forehead resting against the side of Cap’s head.

“You heard him. Put the sword away and give him the key.” It had to be the Thor-alike armor. That was a pretty decent hurricane brewing in Cap’s glare, too. “Then go to sleep.”

She slapped the key into Thor’s palm and stomped to her bedding, flopping down on the hard ground.

 _Bitch_.

Cap turned his back on her and put his hand to Loki’s elbow. “Let me help you. Moving around with your wrists two inches apart is hard.”

“It will be more difficult yet when you bind my ankles as well, my Steven. Which you must do.” Loki smiled up into the protest starting. “It is all right. I do not fear them. You are here.”

 _Oh my God._ The sheer cuteness nearly overpowered Tony. _Damn._ Tony hid his grin and tried to control his Tumblr fangirl flailing.

“Damn right. And I’m going to make sure they don’t come anywhere near you tonight.” Cap fastened the irons quick, then pulled Loki’s blanket up fast, like he wanted to hide the shackles from his sight. _Probably he does_. A broad hand rested on Loki’s shoulder. “Try to sleep as best you can.”

“And you.” Pale fingers slipped from the blanket to reach for Steve’s. “Do not allow this to prey upon you this night. It will be well, my protector.”

Yeah, fat chance Spangles would sleep. Tony knew that look. _Even I don’t have enough security toys to get him to close his peepers and leave Lokes all trussed up._

“Don’t worry about me.” Cap curled up on his side, put his head down on his arm, and smiled at Loki. “Rest, please? For me?”

 _Oh God!_ Okay, control was not going to be had this time. And about the time Loki replied that he would, for his Steven, Tony faked the need for an extreme call of nature just to get far enough away he could flail before he exploded.

 

* * *

 

***

* * *

 

 

By the end of the fourth day, they had it down to a nice little Shakespearean drama. Act One: Sif and Clint would spend ten minutes sniping at each other. Cap would break them up and announce bedtime. Act Two: Sif would insist on the shackles, Cap would give her hell, Loki would reassure his Steven. Thor would intervene before a sword got drawn. Act Three: Cap would apologize while he put the irons on, Loki would plead with him to not worry, and then Cap would sit up all night standing guard. Applause, lights, curtain.

Tony had moved from wanting to post GIFs of the pair with impossibly syrupy tags on Tumblr to just testing the god-killing abilities of the suit on Sif. He had a very discrete bet with Clint that removing her head wouldn’t do the job, but a plasma blast at close range would.

“I could always put a C-4 arrow up her skinny ass.” The growl came as they worked a reconnaissance before setting up camp. This close to Malekith’s territory, anything could be out there. “Like Loki couldn't get out of those shackles if he really wanted to. But he won't, because it’s Cap's head.”

Tony nodded. “How impossibly cute and absolutely weird is that? The prince formerly known as Psycho Evil Dude is now the symbol for anime eyes of adulation.” He checked the view from the high, stony outcropping where he’d hoisted Clint. “Not that it doesn’t look good on Rudolph. He’s in need of having someone he can believe in. I think he’s getting younger, actually. You know, since he’s been hanging with Cap. All the worry lines and shit have gone away.” He gestured out over low hills broken by rough upthrusts of granite and wide stretches of bogs and fens. Spangles could talk about the beauty of it, but Tony found it nothing but treacherous and deadly. “So, what do you spy with your elf eyes, Legolas? Any sign of orcs?”

“Not at the moment.” Hawk continued to scan over the wide vista. “Loki may look better, but I think he’s transferring all the worry lines to Cap. You seen Steve up close lately? He looks like those ninety-some years are catching up with him fast. When’s the last time he slept?”

“The night before the Wicked Witch of the West made him chain up his new boyfriend.” Tony sucked on his teeth. “It’s killing him, the whole Loki in bondage thing. I’ve been sharing the guard duty, but he still doesn’t sleep. He broods. And worries. He’s pretty sure Patch Eye intends to put Loki back in the slammer, if the Warrettes don’t stab him in the back. I never knew Cap had such a well-developed paranoid streak before. Gotta say I agree with him, though. But he’s running on fumes.”

“Oh, hell, yeah.” Clint’s head panned back and forth as if he really was a fucking raptor, his eyes almost blank of any emotion. _Okay, I’ve watched too many NatGeo specials. I’m actually waiting for him to squawk and dive off this cliff to soar out there._ “Cap’ll probably hate me for this, but I bet Loki could put a whammy of some sort on him to get him to sleep. I’ll split night watch with you. Nat, too. After she kicks my ass for volunteering her.”

“Yeah, that would work. And how wrong is it that the main thing we’re watching out for is Xena trying to off Loki? This whole mission is fucked.” Tony checked JARVIS’ scans. “I’ll talk to our little wizard when we get back.”

“We’re clear to about three miles. Further than that, I’d have to have x-ray vision. Which could come in handy now and again.” The Hawk became pure Wolf with that grin.

“I’ll work on that for you. I’m sure I can come up with something. JARVIS concurs with you and gives you another two miles. So we’re good for five.” Tony grinned back. “Clench up, elf boy, time to head back and face Warrior Barbie again.”

Okay, so Braid Dude, god of gluttony, actually was good for something besides stuffing his face. By the time they got back to camp, Volstagg— _Just asking for vicious nicknames on the playground, dude_ —had not only made himself useful by wandering out in search of game, he’d actually come back with something. Bruce, on KP for the evening, had a stew bubbling over the campfire that smelled better than a lot of four-star restaurants, while Volstagg kept busy cleaning off a furry hide of some sort. From the size of the teeth still scattered around, Tony was almost impressed.

He wandered over, all nonchalant, to where Loki sat explaining something or the other to a worn-out looking Cap. Tony let the armor fold itself away. “Okay, Galahad. Nothing for miles around as far as Legolas and JARVIS can see. We should be safe for a few hours. J also reports that spring water is as safe as Loki said. Why don’t you go wash up? I’ll keep Guinevere company.”

Oh yeah, exhaustion was creeping up fast. Cap didn’t even protest. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll go take a few minutes and wash off the trail dust. We’ve logged some long days.” He stood slowly, squeezing Loki’s shoulder before heading down the little rise toward the secluded little falls they’d discovered on their way in.

Tony noted the tiny frown marring the prince’s marble-smooth face. “Yeah, Cap’s worn out. I was wondering if you could do something about that. You know, sneak a sleep whammy on him tonight. I’ve run out of ideas for trying to get him to rest.”

“He has not slept?” Big green eyes went bigger as they swung to where Cap had disappeared. “I told him to dwell not upon my bonds. They mean nothing to me in the face of his...trust.”

 _Uh-huh. That’snot what you were going to say, Whitney._ Tony rested a hand on the kid’s shoulder. “He’s worried about you, that’s all. Xena and the Warrettes are about as far from putting a knife into you as I am from tossing Xena off a cliff. And he broods better than you do, even. You don’t need to feel guilty over it, but you might be the only one who can fix it.”

“I shall indeed.” Oh, determined looked good on the kid. “As he cares for me, so I shall care for him.” He drew himself very erect. Okay, yeah, Tony could see royal all over the lean form. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Anthony. I will not forget the favor you have done for me.”

“He’s my friend, too, Lokes.” _Hmm...hadn’t ever planned on saying that out loud._ Maybe the God of Lies really did have a line in on the truth, too. “Hawk, Widow and I will take care of the watch tonight. He just needs to sleep. The whole night, if you can manage it. He’s about four days down, and even for him, that takes some proper recharge time.”

“I can assuredly manage that. Leave all to me.” Loki stared toward the spring. “It will be well.”

Clint kept the griping to a minimum after dinner, and Loki brought up the whole manacles thing before Sif could even get her mouth open, so the usual circus was rained out before it ever got started. Instead, Bruce and Widow got a discussion going with Thor about some of his hunting trips out in areas like they were in and the unique critters native to Asgard. So Cap didn’t have anything to do, for a change, except get comfy on his bedroll and listen while he stared up at the nebulae-colored sky.

If Loki tucked himself a little closer to Steve than usual, curled on his side, well, that was all to the good when he started whispering something soft and low in Cap’s ear. Gentle gold glowed around Loki’s fingertips where they rested against Spangles’. A few slow blinks found big blue eyes drifting closed at last. Deep, easy breaths showed the big guy finally slept.


	12. I Once Was Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry - Life sort of caught up with me. New post now.

 

* * *

 

*

* * *

 

“JARVIS?” Tony tried to pry his eyes open against a pounding in his skull worse than the post-Asgardian boozefest. The sun about halfway up the sky and hitting him right in the eyes did not help at all. “JARVIS, what the hell did I drink and what time is it?”

“S-s-s-sir. Coming on line. Time unknown. Calibrating. Rough estimate based on sun position indicates mid-morning.” JARVIS sounded stronger as he spoke. “Earth equivalent calculated. 10:46 a.m.”

“Oh... _God_ …” The whole universe tilted and spun as Tony attempted pushing up out of his blanket onto his elbows. His stomach protested, churning. “How...how come nobody else...kicked me before now?” Even the thought of facing that sunlight made him want to turn his guts inside out all over the campsite. He clawed for a log so at least it wouldn’t be smack in the middle of it.

“I believe they have also been unconscious, sir. As have I. I have no memory files for the last seven-point-three-five hours.” JARVIS sounded extremely put out and a little bit frightened. So was Tony once that all registered.

“Everybody?” Shit. _And_ JARVIS? _Okay, gotta get it together, Stark._ A swig of spring water from his canteen, which fortunately was within feeling-around distance, calmed the worst of the nausea at least for the moment. “Run vitals, J. On all of us. And a full diagnostic after that. I’m still trying to get the mud out of my brain and my eyes to open.”

“I had already begun vitals on you, sir. A bit of dehydration and an unusual electrolyte imbalance seem to be the only physical symptoms present. Your vitamin supplements and sufficient water intake will aid in relieving most of your ills. As for your companions, I will begin at once. However, Prince Loki is not within scanning range.”

A sick sort of feeling having nothing to do with the Hangover from Hell knotted Tony’s gut. “What’s your range at? Is it being affected by whatever whammied us both? He’s gotta be somewhere nearby.” _He’s got to. He would not…_

JARVIS took a moment to respond. “I am currently restored to full functionality. My range is three miles. Prince Loki’s life signature is not within that range. Likewise, nothing matches which might be deceased remains. He is not within my scan radius.”

A groan from across the campsite reached Tony’s ears, several rather creative expletives singeing the air. _K, Clint’s semiconscious._ After another swig of water and a splash to his face, Tony managed to get his eyes open, though focusing on more than just Cap on one side and Thor on the other might take a sec. Both men were still out cold, which—considering who it was—was a damn chilling sight. And considering which one to tell first that the God of Mischief had gone missing was an equally chilling thought.

Spangles. Yeah. A, he had the most to lose and B, he was less likely to swing a giant hammer and take Tony’s head off.

Tony attempted a move in the super soldier’s direction and decided dying might hurt less. “Oh my God. Cap? Can you hear me, bud? Please say yes, because I am seriously not going to be able to do better than this. I need to tell you something important.”

Silence seemed to last a year and a half before Cap’s clear tenor, a little rough around the edges, responded. “You better tell me from there, Tony. Pretty sure I have a reference for your morning-afters now. Which is worse, moving or not moving? Because neither sound great right now.”

“Something happened last night. I don’t know what. We were all drugged or gassed or something. Knocked out, anyway. JARVIS, too. He’s been offline for hours.” Tony covered his eyes, hoping it would help with his head. “It’s bad, Cap. It’s really bad.”

“Is everybody okay? Is Loki ok—”

A shriek nearly took out his eardrums and the rest of his brain cells. The scuffle of footsteps and a woman’s voice screaming at point blank range. Tony heard a sort of pained gasp from Cap.

“ _Svikari! Ókunnugt snákur! Þú fært þetta á okkur öll! Hann er farinn og hann mun koma dauða til okkar!_ ”

Damn it all. Tony poured the rest of his canteen over his head, the icy water clearing him out temporarily. Yep, there was the Bitch Queen, fists gripped in the armor across Cap’s chest, screaming right in Steve’s face in Norwegian. Or something. Poor Cap looked like hell, hair askew, eyes still half-blind, pure bewilderment making him look like a five-year-old lost in a shopping mall.

She switched to English, but it wasn’t any cheerier. “He is gone! As I knew he would be! Cast a spell on us all so we would not impede his escape! Even you, his so-noble protector! Even _you_!” She shook Cap, hard. _God, that’s gotta hurt_. “What say you of his honor now? His innocence? _Hálfviti_!”

Yeah. It was going to be that sort of day.

Tony reached into the folds of his bedding, pulled out his personal version of the old-fashioned Peacemaker, slipped on the palm repulsor and tazed her ass. The resulting silence was glorious. “You wanna tone it down? My head is coming apart.” He tried to focus on Cap. No, still not one-hundred-percent there. “What the bitch queen is screaming about, I assume, is the fact that Loki is missing.”

“He’s gone? But how...we gotta...oh God…” The rest of the panic attack got waylaid by the sound of Cap retching his guts out because he moved too fast. Tony almost ended up joining him just at the sound.

“Easy there, cowboy. It’s going to take a few minutes. Whoever whammied us did a hell of a job of it.”

“Easy?” Spangles’ voice rasped over the word. “We’ve got to find him, Tony, who knows what may be...may have…” Another round of retching followed.

“Sir, I’ve done an analysis of the surrounding flora. There is a shrub approximately ten feet to your eleven o’clock which, when the leaves are steeped in the mineral water from the spring, should provide enough of the electrolytes and other components needed to combat your symptoms.”

“Tea? I made you entirely too British.” Tony remembered the admonishment to take his vitamins. The others wouldn’t be packing JARVIS-created One-A-Days, so Lipton for the win. He swallowed down the tablets with the last of his water. “I’ll put the kettle on as soon as I can stand. Hang in there, Cap.” The water seemed to have helped some. He was still dying, but not ready for them to bury him just yet.

“Like hell. JARVIS, give me a direction.” Okay, that was the closest Tony had ever heard to the major F-word coming off Red, White and Blue’s puritanical lips. But damned if it wasn’t hovering right there in the dappled light around them as Cap scrambled blind over that log, avoiding the mess by sheer luck, having to stop every foot and a half or so to double over and catch his breath. Stubborn sure as hell got a dose of the serum along with everything else.

“I’m sorry, Captain Rogers. I have no direction to impart. There is no evidence of Prince Loki within my scanning range.” JARVIS sounded as saddened by this as Tony felt. “Alive or dead.”

“I meant for the damn shrub!” That roar took a good three or four breaths to recover from. The half-sob breaking the tail end of it might take a lot more.

Aw, jeez.

“Well, he has the right of it there. Searching for the traitor will do no good.”

Oh, wonderful. Blondie Spice decided to add his unnecessary and unwanted opinion to the mix. Tony glared in the pretty-boy’s direction, trying to will him to shut up by frown power alone.

“Loki knows this land. ‘Twas why the Allfather agreed to allow him from his cage. None will find him.” The Asgardian looked honestly a bit sad as he stared at Cap. “His perfidity knows no bounds. And you must pay for his sin. It is not fair nor just.”

“He’s...not...escaped…” JARVIS had given Steve a bearing while Blondie was soapboxing, and Cap was now working his way back toward Tony with a fistful of branches. _Fuck_. Working his way back on his hands and knees, not a sight Tony cared for at all. “He’s...in trouble...taken…” Collapsing against the rock Tony had been using more or less for a pillow, Cap stripped off a twig’s worth of leaves before handing the rest to Tony. “Brew it up for the rest of them. I’ll do these straight. We have to get moving. God only knows what could be happening to him.”

Sif spat and glowered at him from where she sat, recovering from both Tony’s repulsor and the hangover thing. “We do indeed ‘have to get moving.’ Back to Asgard. Loki is gone. You are betrayed and your life is therefore forfeit.”

_Good God. Not obsessive, are we?_ “Yeah, well, your little trip back will wait ten minutes until everybody’s functional.” _And I get my hands on the rest of the suit. Or I can get Bruce awake_. Oh, that would be just perfect. Every little Hulk’s favorite pastime—pulling the heads off sister’s Barbie dolls. Tony wasn’t generally into that level of violence, but Xena was a first-class bitch. A quick repulsor blast to get the kettle boiling eased only the barest tip of the urge to blast her again.

Ms. Bitch snorted. “As I knew, you are creatures without honor. Your word means nothing. Your so-valiant captain swore he would return to Odin and give himself over when Loki showed his true heart. Now you cry to search for the traitor. Well, you won’t find him. You freed him, remember? His magic, the self-same magic that willed us to sleep while he made his escape, is his own again. No doubt he’s fled to one of his pathways to Yggdrasil’s branches, if he’s not aligned himself with our enemies. Malekith was of old a friend of his.”

“Oh, the team will find him.” Steve took a swig from his canteen, swishing the water around in his mouth before spitting the remnants of chewed leaves to the forest floor. _Okay, that must have been really nasty._ A second, longer drink, and a couple of breaths, and Cap got to his feet, looking less like a cadaver and a lot more like the medieval knight Loki had dressed him as. Even though his eyes were twin pools of terrified longing to find Loki _now_. But he set his jaw, stepped over to Sif and held out his hands, wrists directly in front of her. “You were waiting for me, I believe, Lady Sif?”

“What the fuck?” Clint sounded a half-second from puking up a lung. “Are those leaves hallucinogenic or have you just lost your mind? You are not going anywhere with that bitch. As soon as we can move, we’re finding Loki, then we’re kicking some black elf’s ass, then we’re going home and never, _ever_ coming near this shit-hole again.”

“It was the arrangement with Odin, Clint.” God, how Cap could sound so damn...calm...about it when Tony knew the big guy was shredding inside just defied logic. Then again, Sif would love every minute of Steve’s agony. _Yeah, don’t give her the satisfaction. But damn it, Cap…_ Tony watched that blue gaze bore into Hawk. “You all just find him. Whatever it takes, however long it takes, you find him and get him out of whatever trap he's in. Because that's where he is. Never mind the time frame.”

“Ahm. No.” Tony blinked a few more yards into focus. “The Scooby Gang here are going with you, Freddy, while I’m going to go find our missing pup.”

The Jaw was _not_ attractive this time. “You still have a mission to fulfill. I promised Loki we'd keep his mother safe. And you may need backup.”

_Stubborn, bullheaded, self-sacrificing pain in the ass…_ Tony rolled his eyes at the evergreens before setting a glare of pure exasperation on July Fourth. “And we'll do that wandering around lost in the wilderness? Uh, no. Time to regroup, save your spangled ass, and make up a new game plan.”

“Friend Stark is right. I know not these lands.” Thor sounded a lot better than Clint, but still a little frayed around the edges. “I do not sense my brother at all. I would seek counsel on how to find him and how best to proceed now.”

“Whether they stay or accompany us is of no relevance.” Sif had pure glee going as she snapped those irons around Steve’s wrists. “You made a promise and we will see you fulfill it. You, who allowed the Silver-tongued Snake to flatter you into trusting him, will pay for his treachery.”

“Sif. Should such be the case, it will be a tragic day for both Midgard and Asgard.” Thor glowered at Xena. “Friend Steven is a valiant and mighty warrior as well as a man of great honor. There are few to match him in the Realm Eternal and none greater. I include myself in that ranking. Such speech as you have given of late belittles the person I know you to be. Let not your hatred of my brother poison you until you become a mirror of that which you despise.” Suddenly, it didn’t seem so odd that Point Break might be king one day.

Xena wasn’t buying, though, just looked at Cap with pure contempt. “A man of honor and a _fool_ for believing in The Betrayer.”

Cap let all the discussion flow around him, silent, but Tony knew that field strategist’s brain was running down a whole list of scenarios, each one probably worse than the last, of what sort of predicament Lokes could be in and how to get him out. And the friend’s heart right alongside was guilting that he’d fallen asleep—no matter they’d all been magic-punched, so it wasn’t even because of Loki’s surreptitious mojo—and longing to just shatter the chains and take off after Loki no matter what waited. _Yeah, kid, honor’s a real bitch sometimes. But I gotta admire you for it. Well, once in awhile. When nobody’s looking._

“Look. I’ve got flight capabilities no one around here can match. With JARVIS scanning, I can find Scrappy-Doo in no time. I’ll free our little godling from whatever he’s gotten into and catch up to you. How’s that sound?” For once, the comfort thing wasn’t BS. Tony really could do all that. Provided there wasn’t too much magic-slinging going on. But he was great at the duck-and-dodge thing, so no worries there, either. “I’ll go for the easy plan for a change. Grab our boy and make with the speed. Get somewhere to check that he isn’t beat up too much and deliver him to you, Papa Bear.” Tony didn’t want to go where the next part led, but… “And if, well, if they’ve done something I can’t fix, I’ll make damned sure he’s avenged.” Tony spoke to Cap, but made sure he looked the Bitch Queen square in the eye. “Loki’s one of us and there is no way in Hell he walked out on you, Cap. He’d cut out that silver tongue of his with a spoon first.”

Sif snorted and turned to her compatriots. “Fandral, take possession of his shield. He has no further use for it.”

“Ab-so-fucking-lutely not!” Clint had an arrow in the bow and steady-aimed right between Blondie Spice’s eyes before the Asgardian could move. Which was impressive, since right now Birdbrain looked about as green as Hulk, swallowing his guts back down every couple of sentences. “You do _not_ touch that shield. None of you. Ever. You fucking got that? One of us’ll carry it for him, on his say-so. Unless you want a showdown right here, _chica_. I’ve had just about enough of you.”

“Yeah, what he said.” Tony loved the sound of the repulsor powering up. “That shield is the private property of one Steven Grant Rogers. Should, for whatever reason, said Captain Rogers be unable to look after the shield, he has named Howard Stark and/or his heirs—that would be me—as holders of the rights to administer and protect said shield. Now, if you want to end up on your ass again, or better yet, pushed into the side on one of these hills, I will be happy to oblige.”

Fandral blinked from one to the other, pretty much all the way around the campsite. After a moment he raised his hands out to his sides, all don’t-shoot and meek-as-a-lamb. “Captain Rogers, is there someone you’d care for me to hand your shield _to_?”

Spangles nodded at the Asgardian, polite as ever, before he considered his team. “Thank you. It’ll interfere with your quiver, Clint. And cramp your fighting style, Natasha. Bruce? Would you mind? I mean, if it isn’t too much of a imposition.”

“Long as you don't get mad at me if I have to go to work and the strap gets a little shredded in the morph-process.” Jolly Green had been one of the few allowed time to move from comatose to mostly functional, so he sounded normal. Trim shoulders lifted. “The Other Guy would offer to bust those shackles wide open for you, but he figures you’d rather ride it out.”

“Thank you, Hulk. I appreciate it.” Cap did that. Talked to Hulk directly. Just like he talked to Bruce. It occasionally weirded Tony out. “I’m fine. Really. Neither of you need to worry.”

“They’re gonna fucking _execute_ you, Steve! You’re not fine!”

“Clint.” Pure calm blue lakes, those eyes. “It’s okay. Tony can fly a lot faster than we can ride. He’ll find Loki. And if it takes a little longer than he’d planned, he’ll still find Loki. You can still stop Malekith.”

Tony nodded. “I get Loki, hopefully alive. You guys take care of Steve. Don’t worry about anything because, hey, you have the Hulk.” He figured that was enough for them to know the plan without anyone spelling it out in front of She-Ra, Super Bitch. She didn’t need to know Bruce could take out half of Asgard if he got a little PMS-y. “Point Break is our inside man. He’ll try to talk some sense into the resident barbarian population, explaining how this will impact Midgardian-Asgardian relations, future trade agreements, possible treaties. Stall, if nothing else.”

Cap took a minute, after Sif had ordered Fandral to guard him while she got her gear together, to nudge Tony with his shoulder, voice low and rough. “Just find him, Tony. Whatever it takes, however long it takes, you don’t worry about me, you just find him and get him out of whatever trap he's in. Because I swore no one was ever going to hurt him or chain him again. I've already broken that promise by letting Sif have her way. And look what happened.”

“I’ll find him. I’ll bring him back to you. Don’t get your spandex in a knot.” Tony kept his voice equally low. “I’ll have him back, all adoring anime eyes just for you, before you know it.”

He walked to the edge of the campsite, so nobody would get singed on takeoff, then swung and pointed a gauntleted finger directly at the Bitch Queen. “You just know this, sweetheart. Cap gets hurt and I will take Asgard apart. And don't think I can't do it.”

He was in the silence of the opal sky before she finished blinking.


	13. But Now Am Found

Why the hell had they ever listened to the muscle-bound escapees from _Conan, the Barbarian_? Tony kicked the suit up another hundred feet. “How’s the resolution, J.? We still getting good data?”

“Affirmative, sir. I believe we can consider this block of our search grid complete.”

“Great. Moving on to the next. At this rate, we’ll finish this up in two days.” The whole freaking thing. Close, careful scans over terrain that would have taken them months to cover on horseback. “Asgardians are all dumb-ass morons, you know that? Technophobe dumb-ass morons.”

“Indeed, sir.” JARVIS brought up the grid showing their search. In the remaining day and early evening since Ilsa Koch decided to haul Cap off to the face der Führer, Tony had covered ten times more ground than they had on their stupid horses. He’d only stopped for the night because JARVIS insisted and threatened to shut down if Tony didn’t listen. He really needed to rethink that free will code. It wasn’t like he’d slept. Not when he knew Brunhilda was pushing to get Cap back to Asgard as fast as she could.

_Two days...she’ll be lucky if they don’t get themselves all killed by whoever or whatever is out here, with all the noise they’ll be making. Mutiny every step of the way._ That brought a little bit of a grin. Though he did feel bad for Cap, who’d be stuck not only in the iron bracelets 24/7, worried sick about Loki, but who would be having to keep half the rest of the team from starting a war right there every second. Bad enough Loki was missing and Cap was slated for execution...July Fourth would have to be a fucking nanny the whole trip back.

Tony spared a moment from the HUD display to glare at the towering mountains looming close now. Yeah, Xena had no idea how close he was to kicking the suit to Mach 5, kicking the Warrettes’ asses, depositing said asses in those nice mountainy crags until the Avengers could find Loki, settle this shit, and all just head home. It would just be so much easier. But no, Spangles had to be a saint. Of course. Tony glared at the afternoon sun. He needed to find Rudolph soon. And in one piece.

Because bringing a dead Loki back might free Cap, but it would probably kill him.

“Sir, I believe I have found something. My sensors indicate the proper DNA sequence of Prince Loki’s Jötun makeup in a location approximately fifty miles from your present location, bearing 058.55.32. But something is interfering with my scans; an electromagnetic disturbance of a highly unusual frequency and amplitude. One could infer from the data this is an example of Malekith’s magic, though as we did not run scans on Prince Loki while he was using his powers, I cannot be certain beyond twenty-three-point-four percent.”

“J., you are The Man!” Tony corrected his flight path to head toward the coordinates. “Total stealth mode. And gear up all the weaponry. We don’t know what this mumbo-jumbo is all about. I want every sensor, every scan, everything on it. When we get within range, launch a spy drone—Please tell me I remembered to bring those. I want intel on the fairy king.”

“Dark elf, sir. We were given no indication Malekith actually rules anything at this point.” JARVIS could probably sense Tony was in turn-you-into-a-toaster mood again, as he hurried on. “Attempting to adjust my scanners to compensate for the unusual readings. Weapons online. Stealth is engaged. Spy drone is powered and ready on your mark.”

“Launch it. I want to know what that slimy little pointed-ear, de-evolution-loving, human-hating god-stealing _fairy_ is up to. I want to see his eyebrow twitching so I can know if he’s lying. Got it?” Tony hovered just out of what he hoped was nasty elf magic sight and sense range.

“I do, indeed, sir.” A muffled _thwuff_ as the drone launched. “Do you wish to contact the Avengers? It could provide at least some comfort to Captain Rogers.” J sounded like he’d burn out his own circuits if it would help his new fanboy obsession.

“As soon as I know if Loki is alive. I’m not letting Steve find out the other unless I’m with him.” Tony waited for the drone to settle in. Tiny little thing, hopefully the elf whatevers wouldn’t notice it.

Waiting sucked, by the way. If he was searching, focused on the HUD and the data, he didn’t have time to imagine the hellish chaos going on with the others. Who the hell put Xena in charge, anyway? Then again, he supposed Thor couldn’t very well make lightning-waves over a deal Cap wholeheartedly agreed to with Daddy Odin. But he could at least slap Sif upside the head over going all Gitmo on Spangles. As if July Fourth would ever cut and run. _Yeah, about as likely as finding Widow knitting a sweater._

“Sir, drone is in place. Visual and audio incoming.”

Nice and clear, too. Dark elves were creepy-looking mothers. What the hell was up with the Jason masks with pointy ears? Because, no. Just freak-city. “Seriously? They are destined to lose just for dressing like that. I mean, really? We need a better class of bad guy, J. We really do.”

“I am better able to compensate for the electromagnetic anomalies, to seventy-five-point-four percent. Prince Loki is alive and quite well, though I believe he is either imprisoned within the magnetic field or at least enveloped by it. To what purpose I cannot say.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just zero in so I can _see_ him, J.” The drone’s field of view shifted, swinging by a behemoth in black armor bigger than Thor. “Okay, let’s avoid him. He’s got nasty plastered all over his user manual. Come on, Lokes, where are you? Oh. Well, that can’t be good.” Sorcerer hanging in midair, black hair streaming up around him. Yeah, not good. “Turn up the audio. I want to hear.” If Loki was screaming, Tony would hurt people.

“Are you sure you will not take advantage of my offer to join me, Silvertongue? You’ve no reason to love Asgard. They have abandoned and rejected you.” One of the mask-wearing weirdos held his hand up, obviously keeping Loki aloft. “You’ve every reason to join me and enjoy their downfall. I would grant you the honor of being the sole member of that accursed race allowed to live when the universe is restored to proper balance. When Darkness is returned, there will be none of these younger, mewling weaklings left. Only those formed at the beginning will remain, for no other can stand against dark magic. The elves formed of the elements and giants from the body of Ymir himself. Frost and Darkness. As it should be. Vanir, Aesir, Midgardian, all will fall.”

Loki didn’t seem to be in any physical distress, aside from the hair whipping into his face occasionally. In fact, he favored Jason-Elf with a pretty much classic _village idiot_ look. “I hardly spent eons teaching the inhabitants of Midgard to fend for themselves to have you cast them back into atoms. Rather a waste of my investment.”

“Kid, Cap would be so proud of you. Or hard. Or both. And that’s possibly disturbing.” Tony considered Cap riding in to rescue a Loki who just stood up for Earth and the possible aftermath. “Or cute. Maybe sickeningly sweet and cute.” Tony pulled a face. “J., I think we need to go get our smurf back now.”

“I have calibrated the frequency you will need for a repulsor burst which will momentarily disrupt Malekith’s magic.” JARVIS continued before Tony could get the whoop past his lips. “However, to avoid being caught in the backlash you must maintain a distance of five miles until the blast subsides. I cannot calculate how quickly Malekith will recover.”

“That sucks.” Tony thought for a moment. “So, timing is everything. Let me get in position. And hope no one goes for Loki after I shoot the mouthpiece. I’m betting that’s Malekith.” The terrain didn’t offer concealment, but it was dark now and hopefully the stealth worked on elves. “Here goes. Targeting on. Give me a lock, J. Daddy really needs to make this shot.”

“Target locked, sir.” Yeah, little satisfaction going on there in J’s tone, too.

The repulsor burned bright blue in the grey-black of the Dark Side night, overpowering the washed-out moon hanging low in the sky. Malekith had barely begun to turn his head toward the source of the glow before it hit, enveloping him in blinding white and sending out a boom as the air around him heated, water molecules separating into oxygen and hydrogen, and igniting a second flash as the flammable gases caught fire. Hockey-masked minions flew through the air from the concussive force.

The suit rocked a bit in the backlash wave. “So, nasty elf magic and science don’t mix well. Who’d have thought.”

Huh. Malekith’s little magic bubble must have acted as a buffer before it evaporated, because Loki wasn’t among those thrown back from ground zero. _Or wait…_ Tony’s gut dropped to his toes and a good hundred feet below that. “J, tell me Rudolph’s okay and I didn’t just incinerate him by mistake. Really, please tell Daddy that, okay?”

HUD displays spun through information, green lines of data whirling past faster than Tony could read them. “One moment, sir.”

_Sadist._

The drone viewing field swung to show a dark form rising from a crouch. “Prince Loki appears to be unharmed. Shall we let him know the cavalry is on the way?”

“Probably he’s got that already. Or it’s a random stroke of luck. Which, as he’s the God of Luck as well as Lies, not likely to be thinking that.” Tony considered the whole riding-in-to-save-the-day deal versus giving Loki a chance maybe to kick the ass of his mother’s would-be assassin. _Wouldn’t that be something to make Daddy Patch-Eye sit up and take notice?_ “Let’s stay on backup for the moment. Keep an eye on the minions and let me know if I need to double-dip the frying thereof.”

“Of course, sir.”

Damn, watching Loki pull himself to his full height, eyes peering through a veil of jet hair, was pure cinematography. Especially since at his height, he seemed to keep rising and rising. “Nice. I should have brought popcorn.”

“Indeed. I shall place it on the shopping list.”

Loki grinned, all white teeth and malice. “I believe you wished to finish with me. Old. Friend.” Gold fire danced on his fingers for an instant before he flung it at Malekith. It knocked the elf back to one knee where he’d started to rise, but not out.

The mojo blast had dislodged the hockey mask, and Malekith flung it away. _Ookay, seeing the reason for it now._ Half the guy’s face looked like it had been turned into grey lava rocks glued together. Right up to the tip of that pointy ear. The rest of the Dark Elf’s face was hairless, though it looked like maybe at one point there’d been eyebrows from the shape of the scars. For one insane moment Tony got a flash of a marquee reading _Teletubbies From Hell_.

Evil Tinky Winky snarled, damned near frothing at the mouth. “Fling your jests, Trickster. They mean as little as your magic. I am Malekith the Accursed, Wielder of Dark Magic. Only the Svartàlfar and the Jötun, the true ancient lords of the universe, can withstand its wrath.” He gathered up a ball of something black and...well just black. A nasty, empty sort of black that seemed to not actually be there. “You will perish as all lesser creatures should.” He hurled the sphere of emptiness at Loki.

“J!”

“Insufficient time for analysis, sir.”

_Shit._

The black ball hit the young prince, enveloped him, writhed and swirled around him like a nest of fucking snakes. There was no scream, no sound at all. In fact, after a couple of seconds the ball began to _compress_ in on itself, on Loki. A slim hand became visible, then the other, long _blue_ fingers flexing as if taking hold of the Dark Magic.

And Tony remembered something very important.

_Holy shit._ A wide grin stretched his mouth. _Oh, you show ‘em, kid. Best kept secret of Asgard, after all._

Those elegant fingers stretched and curled and the blackness pulled from the prince’s form to gather between his hands. “Lesser creatures.” The words hissed in utter satisfaction. “Oh yes. They shall fall before their betters indeed, acknowledging their true lord. But you mistake something, Malekith, son of no one particularly important, you who gained your position through tricks and theft and political knavery. As such, you are not fit to wield such power and should leave it in the hands of your betters, child of the elves, the second-born, the lesser race.” The darkness danced about his fingers, gaining a sparkle, a glow it had not had before. “Leave it to one directly descended from the first child born of the blessed legs of Ymir. I am Loki Laufeyjarson of the line of Bergelmir, King-Regent of Asgard and Prince of Jötunheim.” The rest of Loki’s pale skin shifted to blue, his eyes to a deep blood red, just before he hurled the magic at Malekith. “And you are less than nothing.”

Whoa!  So that’s what Smurf Loki looked like in the pissed off, _gonna-kick-your ass_ edition.  Yeah, way better than the hurt, lost puppy version.  “Avatar Loki is sort of hot, Jarv.  Or maybe it’s the All-Powerful But Young And Cute Gandalf thing.  But it really works for him.  Take a snapshot for Cap, will you?  Actually, be sure and get the whole video clip.  This is the sort of thing that could help out his right hand, you know.”

“You—” The elf screeched, high and eerie, as the blackness hit him. He writhed on the dusty ground, clawing at it, the sounds coming out if him thin and inhuman.

“Yes. Me.” Loki stepped casually toward Malekith, skin and eyes fading back to Asgardian hues, watching the elf’s convulsions with a cool, almost disinterested facade.

“J, do me a favor. Quit recording right now. I’m pretty sure I know what’s coming, and I’d just as soon spare Cap the gory details, you know?” Tony watched as Loki bent down and retrieved the Dark Elf’s own sword from its sheath, a wicked-looking blade about three feet long sporting its own fangs on either side. Just nasty. And about to get nastier.

“Perhaps it would be best to stop our...public copy. We can retain a classified document in case there is any need to prove Prince Loki defeated the criminal Malekith. I have made note that Asgardians are peculiar and do not seem to believe anything he or the Avengers say.” JARVIS sounded a bit miffed. Tony knew that tone. He’d programmed it, after all. “I believe you would call it CYA.” He made a not very computer-y sound as Malekith’s head separated from his shoulders. “Oh dear. They are rather visceral, the Asgardians.” Tony recognized his “distaste” programming, too.

“Yeah, they are sorta stuck back in Anti-Camelot. In this particular case I can’t exactly blame the kid, though. Mom’s been his one rock through all this, and Malekith was gunning for her.” Tony kept an eye on the minions starting to stir, but the sight of Loki standing there, still looking murderous, holding Malekith’s head aloft while the gooey stuff drained out, pretty much kept a second wave from forming. He had JARVIS power up the arsenal just in case, but he’d bet money he wouldn’t have to use it.

“I believe Mr. Silvertongue could use taxi service now, sir.” JARVIS had gone from “ew” to pleased. “And we should attempt to contact the others soon.”

“Yeah, patch me through to the ITEs.” He only wished he could see Xena’s face when she found out not only had Cap been right all along, but that Loki had just solved all their problems in one shot.

Tony sailed in, letting up on the stealth as J. set about calling up the team. “Hey, Rudolph! Good job. Damn, you had us worried for a while, though. We weren’t sure if you’d been eaten by the natives or what. Don’t scare us like that, man. I mean, we were gonna put your face on milk cartons, but no milk cartons in Ass-backwards-gard. How am I supposed to find lost puppies, kittens, and Gods of Mischief, I ask you?”

“Anthony?” The Jack Nicholson glare vanished from Loki’s face, replaced with the wide eyes and serious worry. “Steven. How long has Sif been traveling toward Asgard?” A murmur from the elf peanut gallery around them evoked a growl that shook the ground. The roar after it visibly rippled the air. “Begone! Should I hear of more treachery brewing from these mountains I shall lay them waste to the horizon!” Not even waiting to watch them scurry off, he caught Tony’s arm. “Anthony, _how long_?”

“Two days. Look, we tried to talk the Wicked Witch of the West into letting us look for you first. I mean, Cap was terrified you were hurt. We all were. She was a bitch about it, though, and brought up his oath so, _of course_ , he went with her.” Tony rolled his eyes. “He wanted everyone else to stay and rescue you, but I knew I could do it faster alone.” Loki’s expression went blank, then steadily more and more surprised. “What? In the suit I’m a hundred...five hundred times faster than we’d be on horseback. Besides, I don’t trust Xena and the Warrettes with Cap. I want some muscle protecting him if you and I can’t be around. So, here I am. I promised Spangles I’d save your pretty ass, because you know, he was about to have some sort of implosion. Then we’d go save his.” He made hand motions. “There you are. Okay, what’s with the face?”

“You did not believe I had abandoned you, then? _He_ did not think me false?” For a guy holding a severed head, Rudolph looked appallingly vulnerable.

“No.” Really not the time for a quip. Tony settled a hand on Loki’s arm. The one not attached to the hand holding the head. “He never doubted you. Not for a second. He damn near tore himself apart trying to get us moving to find you, said it didn’t matter how long it took or what happened to him, just to find you. Well, it took a little doing, but we managed to talk him into my plan instead. With Maleficent hovering over us every second, just itching to get those fucking shackles on him.”

Okay, Tony knew that look. It preceded defenestration. “She _chained_ him. She dared?”

“Uhm, yeah?” Tony wondered briefly if he could fly faster than Loki could throw magic.

“For that, she will beg me to end her life.” Loki whirled and Malekith’s head made a really nasty sound as it whacked against Loki’s leg. “If harm comes to him, she will beg me to wipe her from all of existence. Has your electronic servant spoken to him yet?”

Yeah, JARVIS hadn’t piped in with a report yet. “J, what’s the scoop? There a party going on? Lady Macbeth ready to rip her hair out ‘cause Prince Emerald Eyes here saved the kingdom?”

“Sir, I am unable to raise the ITEs. Which would preclude injury or death of any sort, because the biometrics of the wearer would still register. I would surmise they have been removed from the members of the Avengers upon discovery by Lady Sif or one of her compatriots.” J sounded like he’d lost his favorite teddy bear, or a limb. “We have no way of contacting them, sir.”

Loki snarled, J. being kind enough to allow the god to hear his response. “Two days. This is troubling. We travelled here very slowly, because we were searching for signs of Malekith. The other Midgardians were unfamiliar with riding and horses, and we always camped early. Sif will not care for such matters on the return. She will push for speed.” Fear carved lines in his face. “They could have already reached Asgard.” Tony could see the bob of Loki’s Adam’s-apple as he swallowed. “Steven may already be dead. For my sake.”

“They’d have stalled her any chance they could. Well, I don’t know about Spangles. Honestly, sometimes that decent streak… But Hawk, Widow, Bruce? Hell yeah.” Tony smirked despite the situation. “Hell, Hawk alone could buy us an extra day.” An idea occurred to him from a bizarre source, namely the puddle of blood and other nameless liquids below the suspended head dangling from Loki’s grip, catching the moonlight. “Um…this might be totally out of left field, but I used to read fantasy stuff as a kid, and sorcerers sometimes used crystals or pools of water to see places they couldn’t be in person. Can you do that?”

“Scrying. Yes. I am adept at it.” He inclined his chin. “Very wise of you, Anthony Stark.” He set the head on the ground, the white braid he’d used as a handle falling into one of the little puddles to end up stained red. “Come, let us see, so we may know if I need burn Asgard to the ground this night.” He lifted bright green eyes to meet Tony’s. “For I swear to you, if they have taken Steven’s head, I will be without mercy.”

Tony nodded. “Already issued that warning to Xena on my own behalf. Between the both of us, there probably won’t be enough of it left to build a sand castle. What do you need for this scrying? Anything I can help with?”

“There is sufficient here.” At a wave of Loki’s hand, the various liquids gathered in a depression. Another wave and their surface turned glassy smooth. Words that meant nothing at all to Tony fell in musical cadence from Loki’s lips and, like one of Tony’s holo-computer screens, lights jumped from the pool into the air. Only, Loki’s were 3D, 1:8 scale, and looked almost solid.

“Now _that_ is cool.” Tony grinned at the air. “JARVIS, if he can teach me how to do this, you’re out of a job.”

“Most amusing, sir.” J rolled his visual circuits, totally hearable in the tone of voice. “However, I doubt Prince Loki’s scrying can also remind you to take your supplements, sleep on the odd occasion, or have the ability to carry on a conversation. You do so love an audience, sir.”

“True. Looks like you might have job security after all. Maybe Loki can teach you to do this, then.” Tony focused on the tiny figure. “Ah, that doesn’t look good. That’s the throne room, or hall or whatever. There’s our folks. Your old man does not look happy.”

_“We don’t know what happened!”_ Clint wasn’t taking any shit from anyone, that was for sure. _“BitchMistress here didn’t even give us a chance to know for sure if Loki had left of his own accord—which would have been a little difficult in your enchanted shackles, wouldn’t it?—or if he’d been taken by the same people who uber-whammied us. She just had a bug up her ass to haul Steve back here without any sort of a search.”_ Oh yeah, there was the tear-your-eyes-out glare that made Hawk look more like a jaguar.

_“She was correct to do so. Captain Rogers swore an oath to return to me when Loki escaped.”_ Odin settled back on the throne, big staff in hand. _“I had hoped…”_ He shook off whatever introspection he’d indulged. _“Steven Rogers, as you were warned, you have have been betrayed. By the oath you swore, you will die. But I feel this is too harsh and you too noble a warrior to die for Loki’s lies. So let us all place the blame where it truly belongs—with Loki—and set about finding a new way to defeat a common enemy. We will deal with my son in time.”_

_“No, sir.”_ How the hell Cap could look just as noble bound and on his knees in that monster-ass golden hall just defied...everything. _“Loki didn’t betray me or anyone else. I don’t believe for one second he bailed on us. If for no other reason than he swore to me he would not. I accepted the responsibility for that before I left this room six days ago, and I will not allow you to shift the blame onto him just because you expected him to do it in the first place. I kept my part of our deal. I’m here, and not because Lady Sif put these irons on me. I expect you to keep yours and let the matter end here and now.”_ That strong chin lifted a little higher. _“Unless honor means more to me than it does to you.”_

_“You would die in defense of Loki’s honor?”_

The gathered Aesir twittered and laughed.

Cap made no indication he’d even heard them, just looked Odin All-Whatever straight dead in the eye with those clear blues. _“Yes, sir.”_ Another quick shake of blond hair stopped the protests from the other Avengers. Even Bruce’s greening-up growl stopped midway, Jolly Green’s expression full of mutiny but understanding Cap’s reasoning. Bruce didn’t like it for shit, but it was Cap’s choice.

_“So be it.”_ The whole scene wavered like pond water. Then did it again as another tear dripped off Loki’s nose where his head hung, bowed over the pool.

“Anthony. I fear I am about to do something very stupid and heroic. Possibly verging on the suicidal.” He looked up, face streaked with tears. “Would you care to join me?”

“Cap would never call it stupid, kid. Not ever.” Tony got to his feet as Loki retrieved Malekith’s noggin. “Let’s go.”

 


	14. Head Games - I Can’t Take It Anymore

Physics had laws. That’s why they were called the Laws of Physics. They did not allow for guys who reached out _with their fucking hands_ and pulled empty air apart to open some sort of Lorentzian traversable wormhole, because...There were so many becauses Tony couldn’t even list them all in his head. There was the Landau-Raychaudhuri equation for starters. “Wait. How did you—? We’re talking about this as soon as we’re done kicking ass.”

Loki simply gave Tony a withering look, grabbed Malekith by the pigtail, and pointed to the opening in...reality. It hurt Tony to think the label. The golden walls of Asgard’s throne room shining in torchlit glory spilled light out onto the dust and rocks of the here. “Move at the same time as I do or you will be left behind.”

“YeahGotIt.” _Deep breath, dive in, don’t think about it or you’ll chicken out._ His armored boots clanged on the marble flooring as he stumbled, but he still got to see that gorgeous golden magic blast a honking big executioner’s axe out of said executioner’s hands and send it clattering well away from where it would have taken Cap’s head off the next second.

Sound swelled around them, shouts of outrage, a few high-pitched womanly shrieks of fear.

“Silence!” For once, Loki was obeyed. “You should thank me for a timely arrival.” A false grin held nothing but ice. “Had I been a moment later, I should have been forced to kill all of you and raze this city, salting the ground so nothing would ever grow here again.” Rage flared and gold flickered around him as he stared at Cap, bowed to the floor in complete supplication, his form wrapped in chains. “Of course, I may do so in any case.” Fury burned in every word as magic flew from Loki’s hands to dissolve Cap’s shackles.

Odin had actually deigned to walk down the steps from his throne, though he forbade Frigga following and he stopped at the bottom. A question hovered in that one blue eye and over the Allfather guy’s lips, but it never came out. Drop-dead shock kinda suited the old guy.

Cap got to his feet and came over, not hindered at all by the guards who were as gobsmacked as everybody else, and grasped Loki by the arms. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Oh God, Loki’s face! Tony was prepared to swear the godling had just found religion. “My Steven. Your faith in me has not been misplaced. I did not leave you of my will, but was taken. And I have fought and conquered to return to you.” A hateful glower turned on the All-whatever. “Since you wish a head so much you would claim the noblest in all the Nine, I would offer you a trade.” He tossed the Evil Teletubby’s topper at Odin’s feet. “The head of Asgard’s greatest enemy and the assured safety of its queen, in return for the head of Steven Rogers and amnesty for any of the Avengers’ past crimes with safe conduct for all the Avengers to return to Midgard.”

“But Loki, the minute you showed up the deal was—”

Two long elegant fingers landed gently on Spangles’ lips, pressing down. “Peace, beloved. I will see you returned to your home unharmed. You have upheld your bowl between me and the venom of Asgard long enough.”

Cap did deer-in-the-headlights better than anybody. Wide blue eyes locked with Loki’s, and after a moment the blond hair swayed as Spangles nodded. _This is too perfect even for Tumblr. This moment gets exclusively saved in Tony’s Personal Feels Vault._

Odin glanced from the gory trophy at his feet to his second son. His one eye flicked to his queen, standing with her hands pressed to her mouth in shock. Tony couldn’t help snorting. _Yeah, your kid came through. Saved his mom and the whole kingdom. Get the hell over it._

Odin’s gaze swept the hall, from Thor’s beaming, prideful smile and the other Avengers’ satisfied smirks, to the mix of confusion, horror, and distaste that made up the court and the Warrettes, to Sif’s seething fury and hatred. With impossible slowness, the old guy finally made his way around to Loki. “You have performed a great service for the realm this day, Loki. Therefore, I agree to your request. Amnesty is granted to all the Avengers for any crimes of which they were accused or convicted.” His smile was more than a little fake when it rested on Cap and Clint. “They are granted safe passage back to Midgard immediately.” His staff rang against the floor. “Let it be so.”

Cap smiled as Loki dropped his touch. “Let’s go, then. We’ll have to get you settled in and everything. You’re welcome to stay with me, though my apartment’s a cracker box. Tony’s got scads of room in that tower of his, but the kitchen appliances _talk_ to you. It’s just weird.”

There was that religion look again. “You would have me with you? You offer me lodging within your own home?”

“Sure. I mean, unless you want a place of your own right off. It’s okay.” Cap shrugged. “I just figured you might want a little time to adjust to Midgard on a daily basis, that’s all.”

“I would be honored to share your home.” Loki drew in a slow breath, closed his eyes, and stood very straight and impossibly tall. “You are, as ever, far too kind and good beyond the measure of gods or men.” When he opened his eyes, they were very bright and very green. “As you have said, my captain, let us go. Now. I am weary of Asgard.”

The rumble started at the edge of the crowd nearest them and rolled its way back, voices mingling in confusion and not a little anger mixed with fear and some outrage. Tony wondered at it for a moment, then realized exactly what Loki had said in his bargain with Odin.

 _Damn, kid. God of Trickery and Chaos for sure. That was one brilliantly slick move._ Tony moved to begin breaking chains the others had been held in to keep them back from Cap, shaking his head and grinning as he did.

Clint rubbed his free wrists. “What are you so happy about? We’re gonna have to fight our way out of here with Loki, just like Cap said we would, Not that I mind, but it’s not exactly a party.”

“No, we won’t.” Tony slid his face plate back. “Not unless Odin can’t control his people.” He glanced at the Grand Poobah. “You can make the average Asgardian do what you say, right? I mean, being king and all. So, being king and all, your order for all of the Avengers to leave immediately means we saddle up and get out of Dodge— _all_ of the Avengers. Including Loki, because he _is_ an Avenger, whether your people are happy about it or not.” He managed not to grin...too much.

Cap’s face was nearly as priceless as Odin’s, staring at Loki with delighted surprise. “Oh my God, that _is_ what you said. Safe passage _and_ amnesty for all past crimes. You’re free.” Half a step from kissing the God of Mischief sure did look good on Spangles.

Answering delight turned Loki young and sparkling. “I am, by the king’s own words. And I will go to Midgard and dwell with you, if you will have me.”

The rumble of voices fell silent as Odin considered Loki for a good couple of minutes, expression unreadable under all that beard. A quick glance up at Momma Frigga showed a lot of maternal pride and a little amusement, though it was pretty well veiled, since it was her hubby Loki had sidewinked. But Odin...not so sure. _See there, Gramps, not the evil thing you all thought he was. So there. You want rid of him, fine. We’ll take him gladly, and take care of him like we take care of each other. But you let him go._

Odin arched a brow. “Thor, you have duties in Asgard, since your brother has ended the most pressing threat to our realm. There are still Malekith’s followers to deal with. You will remain here. One Odinson on Midgard will do for now, I think.”

That big-ass staff clanged through the hall again and the commoner folks started filing out, still twittering. But not a mob. Yep, Odin did have a few good bits of use. A few.

Cap nearly lifted Loki right off the marble tiles in a hug to make any grizzly bear proud. Cuteness went orbital again. “Since you’re in the all-clear, you can probably even come visit your mom once in awhile. Or we’ll show her some Earth hospitality instead.”

Yeah, Loki looked really good when he laughed down at the Popsicle that way. Happy suited the kid. More of that and less world domination—it would work out nicely.

“So, that is all, then? Treachery and deceit win once more. A trick of the Silvertongue and the slayer of thousands is rewarded with his freedom and sails away to enjoy the adoration of his _argr_ Midgardian.” Sif bowed with a flourish. “My congratulations.”

 _Shit._ Loki had Xena by the throat and a good foot off the ground in the literal blink of an eye. Maybe a half-blink. Wrapped in a golden glow so she couldn’t kick him. “I should flay you inch by inch for the disrespect you have shown Steven since the moment he set foot in these lands. You thought to denigrate him because he is human, bed him simply because he is fair of face and form, mock him for risking faith when he had no reason to trust. Then you had the audacity to chain him as an animal when he would have returned here unbound to fulfill his oath. And now you shame the bond we have with your petty jealousies.” Long fingers tightened. “If you wish to go on hating me for the imaginations of your tiny mind, then that is how it shall be. But you will beg me to allow you to plead his forgiveness when I am finished with you.” A truly frightening smile lit Loki’s face in a febrile glow. “For you know me well enough, dear Sif, to know flaying would be a kindness. A great, great kindness.”

“Anybody have any idea what lit Rudolph’s fuse?” Tony stared at his friends. He noted Thor had gone sort of pale, but couldn’t be sure if that was because his kid brother was about to waste his ex or what.

“If I may, sir.” JARVIS spoke up, external speakers working so everyone could hear. “The Lady Sif just gravely insulted Captain Rogers by using the adjective _argr_ to describe him. So much so that, under old Nordic law, Captain Rogers has the right to kill her for the insult. I assume Prince Loki has decided to act in his stead.”

Clint crumpled up his face. “So what’s _argr_ mean? Is it like traitor or baby-killer or what?”

“ _Argr_ and its noun form _ergi_ indicate a male who is effeminate and unmanly.” Tony was very glad he’d had J. bone up on old Norse stuff after meeting Thor. “More specifically, one who is the receiving partner in homosexual intimacy. It is believed a gay male cannot be a proper warrior.”

Clint’s face crumpled a bit more. “Wait. That’s all? You can kill someone around here for calling a guy a bottom?” Clint scowled at Odin. “You people are seriously jacked up, man. I mean for reals. The toughest mofo I know bottoms for this fem hairdresser in Jersey. But let me tell you, you do not want to mess with the dude because he will seriously mess up your shit. He just likes taking it from very pretty boys, you know. I’m like, whatever lights your rocket, Rambo.”

“Loki. Hey.” Cap’s hand had settled on the Trickster’s upraised arm, July Fourth’s voice low and soothing. “Come on. This is what she believes you are anyway. She doesn’t have the first clue about who you really are. Nobody here does, except your mom. Don’t prove Sif right. Prove you’re better than her.”

Rudolph’s arm visibly trembled under Cap’s hand. “Because it is your wish, Steven.” Loki released Sif, letting her tumble to the floor. “I will not be so lenient the next time.”

“Who knows? Maybe she’ll learn something by next time. Either way, you don’t have to worry about it any more.” Cap eased Loki back, letting the rest of the Warrettes deal with her mess . Thor’s expression said he’d be having a long talk with her real soon. “Is there anything you need to bring with you? We’d better get it now, if there is.”

“My duplicates are packing my few necessary belongings as we speak. They are also seeing to your baggage.” Loki grinned. “The advantages of having a sorcerer on the team.”

“I see a lot of advantages to you being on the team. And most of them have nothing to do with your magic and everything to do with _you_.”

God, Cap had a real talent for sincerity with stuff other people would say and just be laying it on thick. Tony shook his head and made sure JARVIS was cooperating with the Loki-clones.

“Just a couple more things to do, then.” Cap turned and faced Odin with the same openness he’d used when facing down a guillotine. “Thank you, sir, for giving him a chance. That’s all any of us really need.”

“Yeah, thanks for making sure the executioner’s axe was nice and sharp, too. Real humane that way.” Clint smiled and headed for the door. “Are we done here?”

“You guys go ahead. We’ll meet you in the entry where we landed.” Cap glanced at Loki. “Do you want to talk to your mom a minute before we go? Might be awhile.”

Loki nodded. “You are perceptive as well as good and wise. She is all I will miss of this place.” A quick glance flicked to Tony. “Will you remain, my...friend? If there is trouble when we leave the city, none can stand against the three of us.”

“If there’s trouble, they won’t know what hit ‘em.” Tony grinned and waved the others off. “We’ll be there in a few.”

They trooped out to see the little they’d brought with them off to the rainbow bridge. Clint’s complaints trailed after them. The Warrettes gathered up Sif and helped her off to who knew—or cared—where. Good riddance, that.

“Loki!” As soon as the room emptied of everyone who wasn’t supposed to be there, Frigga rushed to her son. She pressed her hands to his chest and leaned against him, turning her head to stare at the head on the floor. “Oh Loki.”

“He would have plunged us into endless darkness, Mother. Starting with you.” Loki pulled her tightly into an embrace, pressing his lips to her temple. “But it was Malekith who attacked first. He cast a heavy sleep sickness on the company, one far harsher on my human friends than on those of this realm. I could do nothing because of the bonds Sif insisted I wear for fear I would slay her in her sleep. I was taken, and Malekith tried to win my allegiance.” Elegant hands cradled her face as he smiled down at her. “He could not know I had already found everything I could ever wish for in allies and friends.”

“So you refused and defeated him in battle.” She tilted her head up. “For my sake. My little Loki. My baby.”

“He tried to destroy me with the Dark Magic, Mother. Had Odin not allowed me to go with Thor, Asgard and Midgard would be destroyed now. There are none but Svartalfar and...Jötun...who can survive it.” Loki blinked, a strange sort of expression coming to his lean face. “It was perhaps some design of the Norns which brought me to your arms all those eons ago, in order that one might be in Asgard at the proper time who could withstand the Dark Magic and wield it in return to Malekith’s end.”

The queen’s eyes snapped wide. “You wield Dark Magic? Loki! Its power is immense. It is elemental, to be used for creation and extinction. You must have great care with such power. Malekith did not and it overwhelmed him.”

“I know. I could feel it when I gathered the sphere of it he had flung at me.” Loki’s hands moved to her shoulders. “But my own magic...softened it somehow, both tamed and enhanced it. I cannot explain at the moment, Mother. I need time to study the experience. But yes, great care indeed.” A warm glance hit Cap and Tony. “I think I could have no better compatriots to aid me. Both Anthony and Doctor Banner are brilliant scientists in their fields on Midgard, and Steven...I believe his greatest gift is his heart and his belief in the best of people.”

Yeah, cute didn’t begin to describe it. Spangles, all rosy cheeked from Loki’s compliments, ducked his head, peeping out through obscenely long lashes at his whatever-the-hell-Rudolph-was-now.

“Oh, Jesus Christ. JARVIS, keep an eye on my blood sugar levels would you?” Tony smiled at the royals. “Yeah, we’ll keep Anakin from going all Darth Vader on us. Promise. No worries.” He blinked a few times. “Wait. Wait waitwaitwaitwaitwait. Your name really is Luke Skywalker. Oh my God! That means—I don’t know what that means. But it means something. And it has to be cosmic. You’re freaking Luke Skywalker! Oh. My. God! That is _awesome_! Wait’ll I tell Clint. J., when we get home, _Star Wars_ marathon. The good stuff. Episodes 4, 5, and 6. Not that later crap.” He waggled a finger at Odin. “The first three episodes—total shit. We waited years and years after episode 6 for them to make episode 1 and it was garbage. I hate prequels.” He looked at Loki. “Luke Skywalker. Just awesome.”

Frigga smiled and turned her gaze back to her son. “You must tell me about all of these picture-tales when I see you again. They sound very colorful.”

Tony nearly fell over laughing. Loki and Spangles had identical expressions of appalled confusion.

“I shall endeavor to make notes on the Midgardian entertainments for you, Mother.” Loki raised her hands to his lips. “I must go. I dare not linger.”

“I love you.” Frigga stretched up and kissed his cheek, then turned her smile on Cap and reached out her hand toward him. “Thank you, Captain Rogers. For being his friend. For believing in him.”

“Yes, ma’am. You’re welcome. It’s mutual. He believes in me, too.” Spangles’ smile held a soft glow.

_Time to go home._


	15. But I’m Glad I’m a Man and So’s Lola

“You are the one who gave him the key, not I.” Loki didn’t move from where he lay against Cap’s side, focus on the TV. “I could have told you it would lead to this continuing assault of unannounced visits and unending interruptions.”

“Love you, too, Lokes, thanks.” Tony settled in the side chair in Cap’s teeny living room. Man, the upgrade in digs was nice, for Brooklyn, but the whole place was still smaller than Tony’s secondary lab. “I just figured you two lovebirds would be happy to know Fury finally quit ragging about Anakin coming back with us on a permanent and allied basis. Record time, go figure. Two weeks, and you’ve been demoted to the regular threat watch with the rest of us, kid. Proud stuff.”

Cap huffed. “Proud. Yeah. So, no more complaints? Probation's over.” He grinned down at Loki. “Well, no one can say you aren’t an Avenger now.”

“Indeed, one cannot. But would not such news have been as easily delivered via telephone? Or this...e-mail?” Pure mischief danced back. “Though I dare say Steven does seem to distrust his mobile phone as much as he does talking kitchen appliances.”

“It can turn _itself_ on and off.” A certain defensive edge crept into Cap’s voice. “And it corrects my spelling into words I don’t mean when I try to whatchamacallit...text you.”

“You see why I make these unexpected visits? So he doesn’t retreat back into the analog age.” Tony considered them a moment. If they got any more comfortable they were going to merge and melt right into the sofa. “Have you two even moved since the last time I was here? An Asgardian prince, and you’re turning him into a couch potato!”

“I am researching Midgardian culture.” Loki wiggled one bare foot, flexing it before letting it go limp again. “Bruce most graciously provided a list of films he felt would aid in our understanding of current society. It has been most educational and entertaining. Also, I have been exploring the various cuisines of this realm. The concept of _take-out_ is most pleasing. _Delivery_ is even more so. We have been most pleasantly engaged, is it not so, my Steven?”

“Yep.” Cap’s arm rested easy on the back of the couch, not exactly wrapped around Loki, but sure not worried about _not_ being wrapped around Loki if the urge hit. “But we gotta get a trade deal going with Asgard for that popcorn. Nothing here matches it, and we’ve tried everything. You’d have a whole ‘nother empire, Tony.”

Tony glanced at the TV. _Highlander_. The first one. At least Bruce had decent taste. “Yeah, that shit was the bomb.” He flicked his bluetooth and advised J. to have Pepper get on that exchange. “I bet the 24 Karat Vikings would love some action-adventure cinema. I mean, how many times have they heard the same sagas sung over and over? Open up a drive-in—well, a walk-in—geared up with _Lord of the Rings_ , _300_ , _Ladyhawke,_ stuff like that, and I bet we could trade for all the popcorn we want.”

“It is possible. And the common citizens of Asgard or Vanaheim might enjoy the more humorous tales. Though they have not the concept of...what did Hawk call it?...idiot comedy.” Loki reached for the remote and paused the film. “But we do not only study Midgardian culture, Anthony. My Steven is too much the soldier to stay idle so long. There is a fighting arena on Thirty-Second Street where we often go to hone our battle skills.”

“Oh, now that I’d love to see. Call me up the next time you’re headed down there.” Tony leaned forward, digging around in the clutter on the coffee table for an unopened soda. Not that he wasn’t above stealing one of theirs, but the last time he did so, Loki turned it into live frogs. A mouth full of tiny amphibians was not a thing Tony was likely to forget. “So, anything else going on? Steve propose yet?”

Cap nearly spit his soda. “Tony!”

“What? It’s just a question.” Tony pulled up his best innocent look. “I mean, you save a guy from the evil step-tower, declare your undying faith in him at nearly the cost of your head, bring him home with you...the least you could do is make an honest godling out of him.”

“He could not—” Loki looked for all the world like Thumper staring down the barrel of a .357. “I would never—” Frantic didn’t half begin to describe it.

Spangles had gone as red as his shield. “It’s not…we’re not like...I mean…”

Tony really couldn’t decide which was cuter.

Loki’s fingers tangled together. “I am in no way worthy of such an honor.”

“What?” Cap got hold of Loki’s arms and turned the prince to face him. “What do you mean, you’re not worthy? Of course you are.” More stammering followed a stunned blink and that boyish face going even redder. “I mean, if we were...which I…I mean, if…I just never thought about...you know... _that_ way...I don’t know if...I mean…”

Tony struggled to pull in a breath. “Rip Van Winkle isn’t up on marriage equality yet, Lokes.” He barely managed to stay in the chair. “Don’t take it too hard. I’m telling you, if you were a girl, I’d have already ordered a chastity belt and a chaperone.”

Jet eyebrows snapped together. “Captain Rogers is the greatest warrior this realm has ever produced. He is all that is most noble, kind, and good. I should be safe in his care whether I wear this male form or my female one.”

“WaitWhat?” Spangles looked like he’d just run into a wall. “F-female form?” Oh yeah, squeak and all.

“You can do that?” Tony couldn’t help finding the idea more than a little squeak-worthy himself.

Loki rolled his eyes. “I am a god. More than that, I am Jötun. Some gods and almost all Jötun are neither male nor female but at the same time both. I choose to be who I am.”

Gold raced over him, leaving behind a drop-dead gorgeous _woman_. Tall, lean but with enough curves to still be a girl, a rack to kill for, long black hair, and a face that was still Loki. Wide mouth, big green eyes, killer cheekbones, and the expressive nature that let him go from WMD to Lost Lamb in point-three seconds. Tony’s mouth fell open.

“I may also choose to be _what_ I am.”

Oh damn, the voice transferred, too.

If Tony was shocked, Cap was in a full-blown brain cell implosion. He stared at Loki, lips barely working over what was likely gibberish anyway, hands still gripping the Trickster’s arms, looking like he was about to kick into an asthma attack.

Loki tilted his...her...their? Oh God. Tony’s head couldn’t process that. Okay, boobs that big demanded a female pronoun. When Loki ditched those, he could get the male back. Her head. Yeah. Either way, the hot chick formerly known as Prince seemed to get that her roomie was having a major freak out. _Duh, you think?_

“Steven?” _Oh honey, using Sultry Voice #5 is not going to help._ “It is well, my champion. I am unharmed. This form is as comfortable and familiar as my male one. I oft wore it to annoy Thor and the court. It aided not my reputation, but that had long been left in shreds by my training as a _seiðmaðr_. Such a one was already considered no better than a woman, so I might as well appear the part, you know.” Sad looked just as heartbreaking on her as it had when she’d been a him.

Some words of comfort and denial of any lesser-dom hovered on those full lips, but Cap just couldn’t get them to come out. He stared into Loki’s eyes as if they were a lifeline to sanity—or maybe he was trying his damnedest to not stare at the killer rack—and just stammered without any sound at all.

“Steven.” A pale, shapely hand graced with a perfect emerald manicure rested on Cap’s cheek. “This upset is not necessary. The great love I bear for you is the purest thing that has ever come from my dark and cursed heart. That I can feel something so unsullied and honest is a gift beyond reckoning. You need do nothing more. You have given me your trust and your faith. I deserve no more. Anthony’s suggestion is folly and lunacy.”

Spangles sorta melted into that touch, though the rest of him was still trying to function. The head-shake was considerably spasticated. “No...I m-m-mean…” A hard swallow rippled his Adam’s apple, probably trying to get the voice above a strangled whisper.

Tony cast his eyes ceiling-ward, wishing at times like this that JARVIS was installed here. “Oh for the love of— Kiss him...her already. Do I have to do _all_ the thinking around here? I swear I’m going to crack your heads together. Or post blackmail on Tumblr. Or something equally desperate. Soon. Really soon.” He thought for a minute, remembering the movie J. had found for him. Based on _The First Avenger_ , Spangles kissing the girl, not happening. “Second thought, Loki, you kiss him because he’s hopeless, and helpless.”

Oookay, the glare was just as lethal housed in emerald eyeshadow and ‘68 T-bird red lipstick. Or wow, no, the lips were natural. Damn. Then Lokes turned back to Cap, her touch trailing over his skin a little. “Might I, my Steven? Just once. I should like to demonstrate my love for you in this manner, even if you cannot return it after. It is enough.”

The shaky nod looked slightly more human and less Dummy-on-nitrous.

Looking like Wanda Whips Oz, Tony expected the lip-lock from Hustler. But noooooo. Loki had to be all unexpected. She feathered the most gentle of touches on Spangles’ chin with those strawberry lips before she ever made her way to his mouth. That same gentleness carried through on the kiss she pressed to his lips, her arms going around him, that _way too lush for a tall chick_ body drawn toward Capsicle’s big form.

If _Oh my God, I’m kissing Loki_ entered Cap’s noggin, it didn’t stay filed under Freaked-Out for long. Still so damned respectful he ought to be drummed out of American maledom for it, broad hands rested firmly at her waist before one moved up to stroke over those ebony knee-length tresses.

The little noise Loki made should be illegal. Tony made a note to himself that on the very outside chance Steve actually did lose his mind and refuse everything the Trickster offered, and should Tony have a chance to be there for the rebound, hair stroking was a turn-on. He also made a note, if that happened, to beat the shit out of Steve for being a total moron and breaking Loki’s heart, because that was not the kiss of a man— _Girl, damn it!_ —who just wanted some. Loki wrapped herself a little tighter around Steve and deepened the kiss, the hint of a pink tongue visible as it swept Steve’s lips.

A quick gasp and very wide eyes as Cap pulled back, cradling Loki’s cheek and settling his thumb against her lips before she could say anything. “No, it’s okay, I just...it’s all new from here, that’s all.” He smiled and shook his head, a soft huff catching a few strands of her hair. “It’s going to take a little getting used to, the whole...shape-shifting thing. Saying you caught me by surprise would be...well, the understatement of pretty much my whole life.”

Thumper and the .357 were back. “You are saying I may do this again?” Loki went limp in Cap’s hold. The best Christmas ever and all the birthday wishes any kid ever wanted showed on her face. “You will allow this?”

Okay, that rack and a twelve-year-old’s overly hopeful face should not be. And for damned sure should not be that hot. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

“I’d sure like it if you did.” Figured. Once Captain Girl-Phobe got over the first hurdle he was back to all noble. “And you’re not in Asgard anymore. You being a sorcerer doesn’t make you any less than the rest of us. Anybody who says different answers to me, and that stands no matter which form you’re in.”

Yeah. Loki had definitely found religion. All centered around Saint Cap the Perfect and his Spangled...okay, not following that thought _anywhere_. Just no. The current sight of Loki and her porn-star ta-tas and itty-bitty waist damn near tackling Fourth of July to plant a real kiss was more than enough. Oh hell. Chaos would have to tip Cap over and so present Tony with a view of one very perfect godly backside.

“A thong, Loki? Really?” _Wait_. Why was he complaining? “Never mind. I must not be drinking enough lately.”

He didn’t know why he bothered talking either. Not like anyone listened. Well, he couldn’t really blame Cap, all stretched out on the magic-cleared coffee table with Loki straddling him. No doubt, Patriot Games had never been between a girl’s legs before. It sure helped Loki’s mini skirt bunched up high around her hips. Not that Cap’s hands ever strayed from her waist. _So revoking his guy card_. Though, he was giving Loki’s mouth proper attention finally, if noises were anything to go by. And damn, Loki knew the right way to wiggle her pelvis a little closer to Cap’s. If he thought Cap had the least idea what to do about that, Tony would have been jealous.

“Woah, hey, let’s slow down just a little.” Soft and full of laughter, but Cap still eased up, keeping Loki close, finally wrapping his arms fully around her. “You keep this up, nobility is gonna take a header. And I’ll make a fool of myself admitting I don’t have a clue where to go next.”

Loki shook her head before resting it in the crook of Steve’s shoulder. “You are all that is noble. You would do naught I did not want.” A soft laugh rippled through the room. “As for what comes next, I could teach you, oh Loyalty. But in this, as in all since you chose be my shield, I will let you guide me. I am at your command, my Steven.”

“Guess you won’t need wenching lessons after all, Cap.” Tony grinned and figured maybe it was time to give them a little space before Spangles decided he was okay with what came next, after all. He pulled out his wallet as he stood, flipping it open and tossing the little emergency packet onto the sofa seat. “You might want to duplicate those, Lokes. I guarantee he hasn’t got any here.”

Ooo, Cap found a whole new shade of red. But he didn’t order Tony to take the condom with him. Tony stretched. “It’s been real. Actually, no. It’s been completely surreal. But you kids have fun and call me in a couple of days.”

“Couple of days minimum, barring an Avengers call.” Cap laid his cheek against Loki’s hair, stroking his fingers through the length of it. “Show up before then and I’ll ask her to turn you into a toaster and deliver you to Hulk’s doorstep.”

Tony grinned. “You might have just earned an extension on your American male membership. I was starting to worry.” He paused with his hand on the door knob. “Should I have JARVIS have food delivered for the next four days then? So you don’t have to think about it? I can just have them leave it outside your door.”

“We’ll manage. Go away now.” The last sight Tony got was Cap tipping Loki’s chin up for another kiss. But halfway down the hall his phone buzzed with a new text.

AND I’M CHANGING THE LICKS

\---

LOCKS!

\---

I HATE THIS PHONE.

\---

Tony snickered. “I bet you’re about to change licks, too, big guy. And a tastier piece of candy, few men will ever find.” He headed for the staircase. _A walk-up, for God’s sake. Really? Spangles!_ Tony whined to himself as he keyed his connection to JARVIS. “J., my man, arrange to have something fun sent around to our fav super couple tomorrow morning. I’d go with flowers, but that’s just so done.”

“I’ll need the desired rating on ‘fun,’ sir, in order to pull up the proper list of stores to choose from. Might I suggest you deviate from the higher ratings in order to continue your amicable relationship with Captain Rogers. And possession of your teeth.”

“Aw, that’s my boy. Always looking out for daddy. But good idea.” Tony thought a moment. “So fun, somewhere between the thing I did for Rhodey that nearly got him court-martialed, and the wedding present Pepper made me send to my fifth cousin because...fifth cousin. It was a punch bowl. A punch bowl, J. I could have cried.”

“Perhaps you should go with a romantic breakfast for two, sir. At the very most a set of matching silk robes to accompany it. Anything else may leave Captain Rogers blushing and Princess Loki ready to transform you into something unaesthetically pleasing.”

“I love you so much. Have I told you lately?” Tony enjoyed the sound his steps made on the stairs. “I like the robes. Let’s go with that. Green and blue, naturally.”

“Will you be ordering the breakfast as well, sir?”

Tony laughed. “Oh hell yeah. Let’s go for it. Something disgustingly romantic. Strawberries, chocolate, good champagne for Loki, whatever their favorites are—because I know you’ve scoped that out by now. Go all out.”

“Arrangements in progress, sir. And Miss Potts would like you to come home. She said, and I quote: ‘You’ve been gone too long and I have cheeseburgers.’”

Oh. Oh! “Now there is a plan. Tell her I’m on my way. And ah, arrange a couple of robes and one of those romantic breakfasts for the tower while you’re at it.”

Just gonna be a good night all around.

 

**FINIS**


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